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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by karen_kay on October 24, 2006, at 11:20:13
or so i've been told. girlfriend, i guess it works for. or being cryptic (is he calling me old?) don't make for a good wife. cold and aloof don't make for a good wife. one dimension of kk isn't good enough (now, i'd think having even one dimension of me would be enough for anyone).
yeah, i think about things a lot too. but i sometimes think about what eating a whole jar of mustard would be like, and i don't feel the need to share that (why would i anyway? am i supposed to jsut shout out "cookie" if the word happens to enter my mind?) and how could i even put some of the thoughts in my head into words? i don't even know why i think of half the things i do.
and the whole "you don't love me as much as i love you" bit keeps coming back up (nto the first time i've heard that anyway and you'd think by now i'd have found the right answer) and i could use my 'people skills' to answer exactly they way he wants me to. because i don't even know what to say to something like that. but i don't think he wants the real answer. i don't even know what the real answer is.
and the whole "i don't want you wondering if maybe there is someone out there you'd be able to love as much as i love you" what's the perfect answer to that one?
people skills can only get you so far in a relationship, i guess. with all of these thoughts (my brain can handle no more than the alphabet and simple math problems) is it any wonder i want a glass of wine by 10 am? is it any wonder i talk around quest5ions rather than answer them? is it any wonder i feel out of sorts lately? (and why can't i talk to him about it? oh yeah, because i don't know exactly what he wants to hear and god forbid i say the wrong thing, right?)
now i feel a little better and will continue with my milk (even though there's wine whiskey AND guinness in the kitchen. i'll give that until 4 at least :)
i just don't even know what people want or expect from me anymore? (geez, that's not really a question but maybe it is?) with my son it's easy to tell (oh, but i AM capable of 'that'[ kind of love because he sees it in my interaction with our son. another topic on another day)anyone had this conversation before and found the perfect answer? because answering these questions everyday honestly would give different answers everyday. no, consistency is not my strong suit.
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 24, 2006, at 19:52:43
In reply to good people skills don't make for a good wife..., posted by karen_kay on October 24, 2006, at 11:20:13
I'm not sure that your guy is really husband material. Stop worrying about whether you're wife material. If you WANT to get married, and you WANT to make a relationship work until the end of your lives-- that's all you need to be "wife material".
"you don't love me as much as i love you"
"i don't want you wondering if maybe there is someone out there you'd be able to love as much as i love you"
If these statements have become recurring triggers for arguments about your relationship with your guy, I'm not sure that you're in the right relationship to make eternal.
The truth is that there are only 2 "perfect" resolutions to these arguments. Break-up and Eternal Bliss. Marriage is often used as the conventional susbstitute for eternal bliss, but it is fraught with unpleasant surprises for many.
You've got people skills (and some pretty cool quirks, I may add!), but maybe there is a reason why you're not comfortable giving this guy more? Love waxes and wanes. It's natural to be able to feel love in different ways at different times, but it's hard to admit when it's waning.
>is it any wonder i want a glass of wine by 10 am? is it any wonder i talk around quest5ions rather than answer them? is it any wonder i feel out of sorts lately? (and why can't i talk to him about it? oh yeah, because i don't know exactly what he wants to hear and god forbid i say the wrong thing, right?)
(no*, no, no, no, no) If you cannot share your feelings with this guy, or if he is unwilling to take them seriously, as a REAL part of YOU (and by default, since he loves you, he MUST be able to love your feelings), well, it's only going to get harder as you get to know each other better, and the feelings become harder to negotiate around.
Don't be so hard on yourself that you're having such a hard time. Don't be so hard on yourself for not having a good answer for all the problems and questions and arguments. Don't be so hard on yourself for being inconsistent. Life is inconsistent, and good relationships must have flexibility and tolerance to handle inconsistencies and instabilities. I sincerely hope that you're not being forced to accomodate all these issues on your own, while your guy can maintain a self-esteem based on his loving and loveability, on his stability, and on his sensibility. That's unfair, and it might account for a lot of your current issues.
wishing the best for you, even if you're not HIS kind of "good wife material".
-Li*there may be medications that help with this, without the side effects of intoxication, malnutrition, liver damage, depression.
Posted by karen_kay on October 25, 2006, at 5:43:56
In reply to Re: good people skills don't make for a good wife. » karen_kay, posted by Lindenblüte on October 24, 2006, at 19:52:43
thanks li. i wrote (pretty much the same thing here, only adding more sappiness to it) him a letter. and i guess it was exactly what he needed to hear (and it happened to be true too!)
and pretty much after we got married, i became pregnant (just a few months to ourselves). i think this became part of the problem (as i'm always hearing 'i want my wife back') not to mention, i was manic at the begginning of the relationship (oh, and he just loved that). i guess i wasn't so (boring, cold, ect) when i was manic. no wine today, no liquor yesterday (hurray me!!). i didn't really realize that i use liquor to cope (duh!! i'm drunk most of the time).
thanks for the reply. you want to marry me? (you'd be the first person i've asked you know)
but, we had a long drive last night and talked (in my secret language, but i think he's begginning to understand that language. maybe i need to learn yet a third language?)
thanks again, and let me know what my ring looks like..... i know you'll say yes, but i won't without a HUGE ring!
kk
Posted by karen_kay on October 25, 2006, at 5:49:43
In reply to Re: good people skills don't make for a good wife. » karen_kay, posted by Lindenblüte on October 24, 2006, at 19:52:43
i just recently started drinking since before being pregnant. i haven't even been 'mean as a snake' drunk yet. looking forward to it though.
and that 'you don't love me as much as i love you thing' (that's quite a mouthful).... it's come up in previous relationships as well. i think it's mostly because it's ahrder for me to show love than those i date (i guess?). or maybe i'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied (oh, and she is the ICE queen!!! little bit of that frozen blood must have leaked into my veins somehow.)
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 25, 2006, at 7:56:57
In reply to oh, and i'm not a drunk, posted by karen_kay on October 25, 2006, at 5:49:43
> i just recently started drinking since before being pregnant. i haven't even been 'mean as a snake' drunk yet. looking forward to it though.
>
> and that 'you don't love me as much as i love you thing' (that's quite a mouthful).... it's come up in previous relationships as well. i think it's mostly because it's ahrder for me to show love than those i date (i guess?). or maybe i'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied (oh, and she is the ICE queen!!! little bit of that frozen blood must have leaked into my veins somehow.)I'm a bit of the ice queen myself at times. I usually adopt this mode of behavior because I'm feeling really defensive and don't want to really contemplate the real feelings or the real source of my unhappiness.
K-K your ring will be pretty- I'm thinking platinum with a star sapphire cabochon surrounded by small brilliant cut diamonds. There is such a ring in my family, but I think somehow I am not "in line" to inherit it.
-Li
p.s. you can wear the ring on your right hand- don't want to threaten your guy :)
Posted by karen_kay on October 25, 2006, at 9:15:25
In reply to Re: oh, and i'm not a drunk » karen_kay, posted by Lindenblüte on October 25, 2006, at 7:56:57
i wouldn't care about offending him (oh, he knew i was a gold-digger even before we married. and every time i see a bmw i scream (learned it from my nieces while they watch commercials) "i want one of those things please!!!!!" however, he has started this habit as well whenever he sees a motorcycle. i told him though, i get my beamer first!!! (and the boy gets the nice bike first..... sorry hubby, we come first :)
(listen at me, is it any wonder we have a hard time getting along sometimes? now, i don't have many problems with knowing how special i am, just have problems letting everyone else know how special they are.... being humble is not my strong suit, but it fits my personality being so confident
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