Posted by Lindenblüte on October 24, 2006, at 19:52:43
In reply to good people skills don't make for a good wife..., posted by karen_kay on October 24, 2006, at 11:20:13
I'm not sure that your guy is really husband material. Stop worrying about whether you're wife material. If you WANT to get married, and you WANT to make a relationship work until the end of your lives-- that's all you need to be "wife material".
"you don't love me as much as i love you"
"i don't want you wondering if maybe there is someone out there you'd be able to love as much as i love you"
If these statements have become recurring triggers for arguments about your relationship with your guy, I'm not sure that you're in the right relationship to make eternal.
The truth is that there are only 2 "perfect" resolutions to these arguments. Break-up and Eternal Bliss. Marriage is often used as the conventional susbstitute for eternal bliss, but it is fraught with unpleasant surprises for many.
You've got people skills (and some pretty cool quirks, I may add!), but maybe there is a reason why you're not comfortable giving this guy more? Love waxes and wanes. It's natural to be able to feel love in different ways at different times, but it's hard to admit when it's waning.
>is it any wonder i want a glass of wine by 10 am? is it any wonder i talk around quest5ions rather than answer them? is it any wonder i feel out of sorts lately? (and why can't i talk to him about it? oh yeah, because i don't know exactly what he wants to hear and god forbid i say the wrong thing, right?)
(no*, no, no, no, no) If you cannot share your feelings with this guy, or if he is unwilling to take them seriously, as a REAL part of YOU (and by default, since he loves you, he MUST be able to love your feelings), well, it's only going to get harder as you get to know each other better, and the feelings become harder to negotiate around.
Don't be so hard on yourself that you're having such a hard time. Don't be so hard on yourself for not having a good answer for all the problems and questions and arguments. Don't be so hard on yourself for being inconsistent. Life is inconsistent, and good relationships must have flexibility and tolerance to handle inconsistencies and instabilities. I sincerely hope that you're not being forced to accomodate all these issues on your own, while your guy can maintain a self-esteem based on his loving and loveability, on his stability, and on his sensibility. That's unfair, and it might account for a lot of your current issues.
wishing the best for you, even if you're not HIS kind of "good wife material".
-Li*there may be medications that help with this, without the side effects of intoxication, malnutrition, liver damage, depression.
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:697306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/697467.html