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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 4:28:15
Lust, whatever...
It has happened again.
I really like him
He is cute
And funny
And smart.I think that I really genuinely like him...
And I think there is a chemistry there too...
Though he is kinda flirty with most people...
We have been emailing each other a bit...But once again:
NO NO NO
Nope. Can't go there, shouldn't go there.
There's no harm (I don't think) in fantasising
And I just like the feelings I have when I think of him and hear from him etc etc.
But (sigh) what a shame NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN:-)
I think...
Posted by saw on December 7, 2004, at 5:18:35
In reply to Being in love..., posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 4:28:15
You are allowed to be happy - Why can't anything happen?
Sabrina
Posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 16:33:53
In reply to Re: Being in love... » alexandra_k, posted by saw on December 7, 2004, at 5:18:35
and married.
I should have mentioned that...
Sigh. Never again. I promised myself. And I promise all you guys too (being more likely to keep a promise to you guys than myself)
Posted by saw on December 8, 2004, at 0:20:28
In reply to Re: Being in love... » saw, posted by alexandra_k on December 7, 2004, at 16:33:53
Oh dear, in that case I understand and feel for you. Whatever you decide, remember, no judgement from us, just support.
Sabrina
Posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2004, at 1:22:22
In reply to Re: Being in love..., posted by saw on December 8, 2004, at 0:20:28
Thank you saw :-)
It is not so bad. I don't feel infatuated with him. I don't crave him so it hurts or anything like that. I just like him. I just feel good when I hear from him and he makes me smile and I laugh at his stupid jokes. Friendship is ok. I just need to make sure that that is all. Otherwise, I know what will happen, I will lose him as a friend and there are others who stand to be hurt as well as the both of us.
I shall exhibit some self control.
And hopefully he is just a general flirt and there is nothing really there.
At any rate
I feel good when I hear from him
And think about him.I just need to be careful, though.
Posted by Susan47 on December 8, 2004, at 21:30:06
In reply to Re: Being in love... » saw, posted by alexandra_k on December 8, 2004, at 1:22:22
Asking for trouble ... IMHO. Stop if you can ...
Posted by alexandra_k on December 9, 2004, at 17:02:58
In reply to Re: Being in love..., posted by Susan47 on December 8, 2004, at 21:30:06
Sure, friendship is all... I promise...
Do you (or anyone) think that it is bad to fantasise though? I mean, will it make it harder to resist urges... will it make the urges stronger...
I won't go there in reality.
Posted by Susan47 on December 10, 2004, at 3:53:58
In reply to Re: Being in love..., posted by alexandra_k on December 9, 2004, at 17:02:58
Good luck, Alexandra, wishing you all the best.
Personally, I see absolutely no mileage in even looking at a married man. Well, maybe looking is all ... okay, maybe I know where you're at. But that doesn't make it an easy ride, does it? For anyone.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 18:36:26
In reply to Wow., posted by Susan47 on December 10, 2004, at 3:53:58
Why I only seem to feel attracted to much older people who are typically married...
I don't want to have a relationship. I am happy enough by myself.
But: I do like sex and prefer having someone else to do that with...
So I don't have to worry about these guys being too attached to me. Or wanting to take me places and hold my hand etc etc. We can just meet when we are both in the mood. No strings.
What kind of a sick warped human being am I :-(
Posted by Susan47 on December 11, 2004, at 20:41:54
In reply to I do believe I've worked it out..., posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 18:36:26
One who's justifying her feelings? (How do you do a questioning emoticon??)
:)
Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 20:49:35
In reply to Re: I do believe I've worked it out..., posted by Susan47 on December 11, 2004, at 20:41:54
Posted by Susan47 on December 11, 2004, at 21:46:44
In reply to how do you mean??? (nm) » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 20:49:35
You asked what kind of sick, warped human being you were. (Not at all, actually) What I was referring to was this, that you said
"So I don't have to worry about these guys being too attached to me. Or wanting to take me places and hold my hand etc etc. We can just meet when we are both in the mood. No strings."
Just making sure you don't feel that way about this married guy. If you have lots of male friends and have honestly experienced that, fine, but I hope you don't think this could possibly lead to ... hm hm ... sex? That's all,
Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 23:51:23
In reply to Re: how do you mean???, posted by Susan47 on December 11, 2004, at 21:46:44
>but I hope you don't think this could possibly lead to ... hm hm ... sex? That's all
Hey now, I promised already!!!
Posted by Susan47 on December 12, 2004, at 7:39:38
In reply to Re: how do you mean???, posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 23:51:23
MMmmm, I heard you, oh yes, I heard you. Mmm-mmm mmm. What the hell. I'm dying to have an affair with a certain married man, who the h*ll am I kidding anyway. Go for it, and have fun. Oops, nope, don't do that. Now I'll be lambasted by all the girls who know better, but aren't there any people out there who've had Successful affairs with married guys????? Can't it happen???
Ouch, see how I changed my tune at 5 in the morning?
Posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 13:47:46
In reply to Re: how do you mean???, posted by Susan47 on December 12, 2004, at 7:39:38
> MMmmm, I heard you, oh yes, I heard you. Mmm-mmm mmm. What the hell. I'm dying to have an affair with a certain married man, who the h*ll am I kidding anyway. Go for it, and have fun.
Hey now, I promised already! (He actually lives out of town but we invite him up occasionally. Probably won't see him until next year sometime anyway...)
> aren't there any people out there who've had Successful affairs with married guys????? Can't it happen???
Sure, course it can. You just need to figure what you want out of it. It is fairly unlikely that they will leave their partner, so that just kind of needs to be accepted. But then there is always the hurting of other people (should they find out) nasty nasty nasty - you don't want people threatening to hunt you down and kill you, do you now?
Posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 14:48:05
In reply to Re: how do you mean???, posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 13:47:46
Ok. I have thought about this some more...
It is likely that one of you will get more attached than the other. Ever seen "Fatal attraction"??? Or if he gets more attached to you then you have to live with being a homewrecker. If he does leave his wife / family for you then it is fairly likely that he will cheat on you.
I have done it because there is no danger that I will get more attached. (I say that in an optimistic spirit but I guess that one can never be sure really and so it is playing with fire). And the thing that gets me the most is the disrespect that is being shown to their wife / family. That really sux.
Maybe I do it because then I don't have to feel bad about stomping on their emotions. I can feel free to hate them as the mood takes me.
I guess that I do it because my abusers waited until I was 14. Then they made out like they really cared about me, and it wasn't 'abuse' it was an 'affair'. I have been having those kinds of relationships ever since.
One person left their other for me. I thought I was in love. But it didn't take me all that long of living with them to realise that - no. Oh no indeed I did not love them. But I recked their perfectly good marriage. I received death threats from the x. I feel sick when I think about it still.
It is playing with fire and someone will get burned.
Don't go there.
Sorry for my raving. I should take it to therapy, I know :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 14:49:55
In reply to Playing with fire suzy-q, posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 14:48:05
Golly gee, that last link was a bit ironic!
Posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 14:50:27
In reply to Playing with fire suzy-q, posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 14:48:05
Posted by Susan47 on December 12, 2004, at 21:36:00
In reply to Playing with fire suzy-q, posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 14:48:05
IMO if a guy left his family for another woman he's a kind of a boor, isn't he? I mean, the chances are that relationship won't work out any better than the marriage he left. IMO men and women are both meant to have lovers. It's human nature, but then, as Katharine Hepburn said to Humphrey Bogart in African Queen, "Human nature, Mr. (can't remember his name) is what we are here to OVERCOME" with a great sneer and fierce look down her long countenance, to the bewildered, sweaty mate (to-be, omigod that's too too funny).
Posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 22:23:43
In reply to Re: Playing with fire suzy-q, posted by Susan47 on December 12, 2004, at 21:36:00
> IMO if a guy left his family for another woman he's a kind of a boor, isn't he? I mean, the chances are that relationship won't work out any better than the marriage he left.
Well, I figure it is starting a new relationship without your other partner knowing about it that is pretty horrid and unfair. But yes, if you start a habit of running when the going gets tough then I suppose you never learn to stick it out.
>IMO men and women are both meant to have lovers. It's human nature, but then, as Katharine Hepburn said to Humphrey Bogart in African Queen, "Human nature, Mr. (can't remember his name) is what we are here to OVERCOME" with a great sneer and fierce look down her long countenance, to the bewildered, sweaty mate (to-be, omigod that's too too funny).
If you both agree then I guess that'd be ok. One guy (married) who I had a relationship with had an open relationship with his wife and so she didn't mind a d*mn that we were sleeping together. But most people find that strange... They have since split up (she told him to go - nothing to do with me I promise) and so we have had an arrangement ever since which suits us both (mostly). In fact he goes and stays with her and her son (who her 'arrangement' agreed to help her out with producing) and he is kind of like a father to him.
But then they are a bunch of hippies (used to go round with the gypsy fair n' all).
I figure that most people wouldn't want that sort of relationship though. But I don't think it would worry me. But then I haven't really fallen in love properly yet. If I did I might just turn out to be the jealous and possessive type...
Posted by Susan47 on December 12, 2004, at 22:59:27
In reply to Re: Playing with fire suzy-q » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 22:23:43
IMO jealous and possessive = insecure and unhappy.
Been there, done that.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 23:21:24
In reply to Re: Playing with fire suzy-q, posted by Susan47 on December 12, 2004, at 22:59:27
Yeah, but why would I trust guys?
Sigh. Time for some therapy methinks...
Posted by Susan47 on December 13, 2004, at 20:07:15
In reply to Re: Playing with fire suzy-q, posted by alexandra_k on December 12, 2004, at 23:21:24
Trusting guys is easy when you can keep them at arm's length. Maybe that's the thing to do.
Posted by susan47 on May 5, 2008, at 0:51:44
In reply to I don't know suzy, posted by Susan47 on December 13, 2004, at 20:07:15
Looking back on myself several years later, and I have to say, I wasn't thinking very clearly back then; the dots weren't adding up to much, if anything. Just a lot of judgments about myself and other people; judgments being thrown around willy-nilly.
Oh, my goodness. Oh, my.
I hope alexandra k forgave me.
I wish she were still here.
This is the end of the thread.
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