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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 9:33:13
I've got a date setup for tomorow, I offered (impulsively) to drive to HER town for coffee because of high gas prices...
Anyway my driver's lisence currently wouldn't allow that for a bit because I got too many points in a certain amount of time...So I could risk it and drive out to her (but it's about 25 minutes, and the consequences would be brutal), or I could tell her ...something, but I don't know what to tell her! I don't want her getting the wrong idea about me, relaly up until this summer I had a crystal clean driving record. What should I do?
Posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 10:31:11
In reply to 1st date tomorow, but BIG problem...plz HELP!!!!!!, posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 9:33:13
As it's a first date, offer to meet her at the coffee shop and take the bus/train.
That's safest. You're right when you say the bad driving record isn't "you". This will ensure that the subject doesn't come up. Use the high gas prices as an excuse for going public transportation !
I'm excited for you- Have fun!!!!!!
-sunny10
Posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 11:44:48
In reply to Re: 1st date tomorow, but BIG problem...plz HELP!!!!!! » becksA, posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 10:31:11
no public transport....only taxi...would be just as expensive as gas, probably more...so no reason for that! :(
Posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 11:59:50
In reply to Re: 1st date tomorow, but BIG problem...plz HELP!!, posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 11:44:48
"Car's in the shop"?
-sunny10
Posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 12:28:50
In reply to Re: 1st date tomorow, but BIG problem...plz HELP!! » becksA, posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 11:59:50
yeah, if the lisence was restricted for just this weekend...but i don't know how long it will be for at this point :(
Posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 12:42:56
In reply to Re: 1st date tomorow, but BIG problem...plz HELP!!, posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 12:28:50
COme on- you've gotta go with CBT on this one. You know deep down that you are scared- your depression is only letting you see what could possible go wrong, and rejecting the possible suggestions.
I admit that it is a temporary suggestion, I am not belittling your response. But if you can just "make" yourself go through with this one date- ignore the naysayers in your brain- we can come up with another way to get through this by date number 2.
And free yourself up, too. For all you know you'll find out some of your date's dirt and can blushingly describe this one without "losing face".
Please let me live vicariously thru you just on this one and just go! First dates are so exciting! I am past that (too old, sigh), but so excited for YOU!
-sunny10
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on November 5, 2004, at 12:49:01
In reply to 1st date tomorow, but BIG problem...plz HELP!!!!!!, posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 9:33:13
becks, this is a tough one. IN my opinion, DO NOT tell her about the driving record. That would set off a red flag in my mind if I were her.
Can you meet her there maybe?
Posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 14:03:50
I've got a date setup for tomorow, I offered (impulsively) to drive to HER town for coffee because of high gas prices...
Anyway my driver's lisence currently wouldn't allow that for a bit because I got too many points in a certain amount of time...So I could risk it and drive out to her (but it's about 25 minutes, and the consequences would be brutal), or I could tell her ...something, but I don't know what to tell her! I don't want her getting the wrong idea about me, relaly up until this summer I had a crystal clean driving record. What should I do?
Posted by Joslynn on November 5, 2004, at 14:03:51
In reply to First date tomorow, but BIG problem, plz HELP!, posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 9:32:32
Can you take public transportation to her?
As a woman, I do appreciate it when a man comes to my town, it's chivalrous. It doesn't feel as special when he wants me to trek to him. I am just being honest from my female perspective. I totally understand your reasons for not wanting to risk your license. A bus or train could be a compromise?
I wouldn't go into detail about having too many points. When you get to know the person better, then I think it's fine, but on a first date I think both parties are carefully assessing the sitch and sometimes too many details can backfire.
have fun on the date!
Posted by jlynne on November 5, 2004, at 14:03:52
In reply to Re: First date tomorow, but BIG problem, plz HELP!, posted by Joslynn on November 5, 2004, at 10:30:06
Honesty . . . always. If she can't handle it now, she never will. And if she can, you probably have a keeper!
Just my opinion. Good luck.
. . . jlynne
Posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 14:03:52
In reply to Re: First date tomorow, but BIG problem, plz HELP! » Joslynn, posted by jlynne on November 5, 2004, at 11:14:38
public transport won't be an option in this area....so i should just up and say that i got those 3 speeding tickets in so short an amou0nt of time that they restricted my lisence? I would only be afraid she'd think i'm a nut...i dunno, if i did, how should i approach that conversation? I am supposed to call her tonight to finalize our plans for tomorow (which I have to change now!)
Posted by jlynne on November 5, 2004, at 14:03:53
In reply to Re: First date tomorow, but BIG problem, plz HELP!, posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 11:42:41
I understand your fears, I really do. But I personally would like the other person to offer honesty from the very beginning . . . it opens the door to a healthy relationship and will allow her to be honest with you, also.
Getting three speeding tickets is not such a big deal; so you made some unfortunate choices . . . have you learned from them? If you want this person to like you, then I would suggest that you be who you are, not someone you think you "should" be. If she is worth pursuing, she will understand and appreciate your honesty, which in my opinion is a whole lot more important than whether or not you can drive to meet her tomorrow. I, personally, find honesty a very attractive quality in a person, especially when there is a risk involved and the person chooses honesty anyway.
How about something like "I need to tell you something, and it is not easy for me to say, but I think you are worth being honest with, and I hope you won't hold it against me . . ."
Again, good luck, dear. I hope you find a really fantastic friend in her.
. . . jlynne
Posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 14:03:53
In reply to Re: First date tomorow, but BIG problem, plz HELP! » becksA, posted by jlynne on November 5, 2004, at 12:13:25
Would it be appropriate to offer to pay for her gas if she offers to come to me? I am a very (someetimes overly) generous person....would that be too much? I think I'm going to go ahead and tell her the truth...sigh....
Posted by jlynne on November 5, 2004, at 14:03:53
In reply to Re: First date tomorow, but BIG problem, plz HELP!, posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 12:28:02
I think offering to help with the gas sounds very fair. My fella and I believe in sharing costs mutually, and it feels very comfortable; no power struggles.
The best way to find out how she feels about it, though, is to ask her. I wish you the best of luck . . . an honest relationship takes a lot of care and attention, and involves taking risks. I think you are on your way:~)
. . . jlynne
Posted by Bobby on November 5, 2004, at 14:03:54
In reply to First date tomorow, but BIG problem, plz HELP!, posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 9:32:32
...that the only reason that you got the speeding tickets was you were trying to outrun all those other girls who were chasing you.
Posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 14:22:06
In reply to Tell her... » becksA, posted by Bobby on November 5, 2004, at 13:49:53
Hmm, would that be fibbing ? Or just a sense of humor?
(sorry jlynne, not all of us are as trusting as you, wish I was <smile>. I have given my own wrist a smack for my earlier suggestion to becksA)
-sunny10
Posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 15:08:52
In reply to Re: Tell her..., posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 14:22:06
Ill just tell her the truth....
Posted by sunny10 on November 8, 2004, at 11:49:19
In reply to Re: Tell her..., posted by becksA on November 5, 2004, at 15:08:52
Posted by jlynne on November 8, 2004, at 12:54:58
In reply to Re: Tell US...how did it go???!!!??? (nm) » becksA, posted by sunny10 on November 8, 2004, at 11:49:19
This is the end of the thread.
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