![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Willful on August 5, 2012, at 12:13:18
This is the week, or weeks, of so many departures.
My SO is going away on Monday for a week in the Grand Tetons. My T is going away on Thursday for his month long vacation, which is suddenly being extended so he can have back surgery. And I believe that the recovery will quite possibly take longer than he expects and that he will be back even later than planned.
Last week, a model I've been working with several times a week for three years and with whom I had a wonderful collaboration left abruptly for a great job opportunity in another country for a year. She may never be back here to live, because her new bf is moving to another city this fall. So I think it's possible, or even likely, I'll never see her again. I haven't found a new model despite efforts at various times.
I have a feeling that after my SO leaves and even more after my T leaves, I will feel terribly alone. I don't want to prepare for the worst, because that almost assures it-- but I don't want to be suddenly overwhelmed by a sense of abandonment after each of them goes--
I usually am unsteady when either thing happens, by itself, and the prospect of both together really is over my shoulder and I feel that it won't be good.
There's not much I can do, other than know that I will get through it , no matter how dreadful it feels, and hope that it has its good moments. And I know that none of this is permanent or a challenge not to be met.
But I am sad and sort of dreading the last few days and after they actually go.
Willful
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2012, at 1:09:39
In reply to Departures, posted by Willful on August 5, 2012, at 12:13:18
> There's not much I can do, other than know that I will get through it , no matter how dreadful it feels, and hope that it has its good moments. And I know that none of this is permanent or a challenge not to be met.
It's amazing how things that would be bad enough on their own tend to come together.
If you've internalized what you said here, you're doing very well. Is there any way you can plan to pamper yourself during this time? Do something you enjoy that you may not always have the ability to do?
Posted by Phillipa on August 6, 2012, at 10:06:51
In reply to Re: Departures » Willful, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2012, at 1:09:39
I don't think I could do it as my issues according to docs is abandonment. I think it takes a really strong and self confident person to do this. Guessing you will do it and do it well. Phillipa
Posted by Willful on August 6, 2012, at 10:25:08
In reply to Re: Departures, posted by Phillipa on August 6, 2012, at 10:06:51
It's a lot easier to say things that make sense like that than to make them stick. I guess at least it's important to be grateful for the things that are so important that you tend to forget.
But sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel really sad, or as the day wears on, I realize I don't want to do things, or go anywhere, and that I'm feeling as if there's no point in it. It's as if I"m not worth the effort. If my SO or my T were here telling me to do it, it would become an imperative-- I should or shouldn't do what I"m told to do-- but when it's just me, it seems as if there's no point in trying-- to do things that I normally do.
I guess the issue is why I can't do things for myself--either I"m destructive, as my T says, and always undermining things, and not wanting to do thing, because I want someone else to have done them for me-- or I don't think I'm worth the trouble-- if I don't have the thing, or don't do something that matters to me, then it's just because I can exist without it, even if not very well.
I'm not sure how to fix this-- and sometimes think I never will be able to-- or want to-- enough. My T thinks I'll never be able to fix it, until I realize what he's saying, and take responsibility for it, and somehow decide that I'll do it for myself. I'm not sure how to believe that-- or do it, but maybe it's just that I don't-- and I do need to. Since I guess you can't change something if it isn't your doing in some way.Willful
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2012, at 12:37:26
In reply to Re: Departures, posted by Willful on August 6, 2012, at 10:25:08
Are you talking about things that you need to do in order to live? Or things you're *supposed* to do? I wonder if there's a bit of a reaction circle here. If you rely on others to motivate you to do things, then you also have good reason to resist doing things pressed on you by others.
Or perhaps it's your way of expressing resentment for abandonment.
Do what you absolutely need to do, and forget the rest. If it becomes important enough to you, you'll likely do it.
But I could be misinterpreting completely. Are you talking about the necessities of life?
Posted by Dinah on August 6, 2012, at 12:40:52
In reply to Re: Departures » Willful, posted by Dinah on August 6, 2012, at 12:37:26
Of course, I'm a fine one to talk. :(
Posted by Tabitha on August 6, 2012, at 19:47:57
In reply to Departures, posted by Willful on August 5, 2012, at 12:13:18
I always find that three hard things at once is sort of a tipping point where it really challenges my coping. I hope it turns out to be not as bad as you anticipate.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.