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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 15 to 39 of 39. Go back in thread:
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 14, 2011, at 15:08:48
In reply to Re: wow.. the ANGER!! ;), posted by Lamdage22 on October 14, 2011, at 15:07:43
Sigi, what makes you nervous about it? Do you want to share something with us? :P
Posted by sigismund on October 14, 2011, at 17:32:16
In reply to Re: wow.. the ANGER!! ;), posted by Lamdage22 on October 14, 2011, at 15:08:48
Just therapeutic encroachment
I *do* understand how sex can become compulsive, but it is in the nature of sex to be so.
This immediately brings to mind the Greek myths. I forget who it was, the queen who thought the bull was so beautiful she had Daedelus make her a cow for her to go into so she could have sex with it, thus giving birth to the Minator. Should we let that be our guide as to what we regard as compulsive?
I am the worst person in the world for paid sex. What is a paid sex situation that could conceivably work for me? I pay the sex worker money regularly and we agree never to meet but only to write to each other, and then meet once (I don't know) every 5 years (but not for sex). That sounds hopeful. Almost erotic.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 14, 2011, at 19:09:17
In reply to Re: wow.. the ANGER!! ;) » Lamdage22, posted by sigismund on October 14, 2011, at 17:32:16
> Just therapeutic encroachment
>
> I *do* understand how sex can become compulsive, but it is in the nature of sex to be so.
>
> This immediately brings to mind the Greek myths. I forget who it was, the queen who thought the bull was so beautiful she had Daedelus make her a cow for her to go into so she could have sex with it, thus giving birth to the Minator. Should we let that be our guide as to what we regard as compulsive?
>
> I am the worst person in the world for paid sex. What is a paid sex situation that could conceivably work for me? I pay the sex worker money regularly and we agree never to meet but only to write to each other, and then meet once (I don't know) every 5 years (but not for sex). That sounds hopeful. Almost erotic.
Yeah.. its not like they all hate it but of course they do it for money before everything else. But this one made me think.. It surely was some form of hate that this woman brought against me but i was -shame on me- kind of her boy toy even though she was not older than me. She just loved the attention she got.Although i still have feelings for this girl it does not hurt as badly anymore. The thing that hurt the most is that i told her.. and i STRESSED that i am not going to be her customer anymore and i gave her my number IN CASE she would like to see me again despite this fact. Yeah she called.. i was like f*ck yeah and then she writes this SMS if i wanted to come to this club the next day. THAT hurt, she thinking i must be that dumb. Then i pulled up a translator for her language and blew it in her face full force that there is no way i am ever going to give her money for anything again and before all not for her "love". That felt good, damn.
What felt even better.. talking about anger: i had a major turnoff with german health system, with job market.. with german mental health professionals... with everything german. As i had herpes (not on the lips) and had to go to 6!! doctors until i finally got an antiviral when the crap was already on my butt...
i sat on the bus full of people and spontaneously was like: "f*ck germany.. F*CK GERMANY!!.. f*ck*ng german JERKOFFS!" It was LOUD haha. Omg that felt good. Some smiled including a black guy.. others just looked stupid. I just thought it was just reeeaally funny :D They deserve it big time. Sometimes you just need to open up a valve and let it out.Sorry for off topic.
I should talk with my therapist about this whole thing next time as that prostitute is for some reason exactly the type of woman i am attracted to. The one that loves the attention i give her, not me.
Posted by sigismund on October 14, 2011, at 22:21:13
In reply to Re: wow.. the ANGER!! ;), posted by Lamdage22 on October 14, 2011, at 19:09:17
It's probably normal (FWIW) to hate where you are. Australia may be OK, but I have spent more than enough time hating it. In Granada I saw some nice grafitti....F*CK WIKIPEDIA.....I thought perhaps I could rent a little house on the outskirts of town. The upside of living in Germany would be the historical thing. I didn't even need to live there to take an interest.
I'm not sure that I follow the ins and outs of your feelings with this girl. Being her toyboy sounds OK.......but (naturally) you want the real thing. She might appreciate a customer her own age. One not too physically repulsive.
I laughed when I read this at home.
http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/art-and-design/the-battle-within-20110901-1jmlt.html
Maybe Germans looked like that back then? Otto Dix has lots of them
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 15, 2011, at 5:17:42
In reply to Re: wow.. the ANGER!! ;), posted by sigismund on October 14, 2011, at 22:21:13
Haha thanks for this laugh. Im not sure but they may have looked like that. Our chancellor should volunteer as a specimen for us to find out ;)
Yeah i really hate germany.. they have done me SO much wrong, even after i came back home. Especially then. "oh we don't trust this Nardil from the US, it works too well. We wanna destroy that. We need to put you on risperdal instead and torture you with it". Not to speak of my family etc.
This morning i got really shaky.. already turning on google to check out where to go. So i guess today is where my "withdrawal" and the cravings start. I am a bit disgusted by it, kinda like when you stopped smoking for couple days and get your sense of smell back, but i am craving hard right now.
Also im freaking a bit over hawaii.. its almost 3 month without a brothel close by as an escape. You see, you can speak of an addiction in my case. It has every aspect of an addiction.Yeah i don't get my feelings with this one either.. it hurts in a strange, unknown and uncomfortable way. Didn't have that kind of "breakup hurt" before. Then again the reason for this may very well be my emotional and spiritual death i had early in life and didn't wake up from until very recently. Could very well be that i don't know all of my feelings yet. Its only been a bit over a year since i woke up from the dead.
So long.. I'm shaking, please send some motivational energies over here! ;)May get a non-sexual massage or whatever.
> It's probably normal (FWIW) to hate where you are. Australia may be OK, but I have spent more than enough time hating it. In Granada I saw some nice grafitti....F*CK WIKIPEDIA.....I thought perhaps I could rent a little house on the outskirts of town. The upside of living in Germany would be the historical thing. I didn't even need to live there to take an interest.
>
> I'm not sure that I follow the ins and outs of your feelings with this girl. Being her toyboy sounds OK.......but (naturally) you want the real thing. She might appreciate a customer her own age. One not too physically repulsive.
>
> I laughed when I read this at home.
>
> http://www.theage.com.au/entertainment/art-and-design/the-battle-within-20110901-1jmlt.html
>
> Maybe Germans looked like that back then? Otto Dix has lots of them
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 15, 2011, at 8:33:20
In reply to Re: wow.. the ANGER!! ;), posted by Lamdage22 on October 15, 2011, at 5:17:42
I havent cried like that since the beginning of my awakening from the feelingless. I sobbed.. that woman was sort of part of the reason, too, but definitely not only her.
I think the stopping of hookervisits is showing results.Surfing through youtube and that one has set off just one of the most intense crying spills i have ever had.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPUVZDTpk8This is like the saddest song i have ever heard. And it reminds me VERY much of my life.
Imagine what happens if i stop the cigarettes... i think i definitely should do that some time soon. I will never get these days and months i spend with suppressed feelings back.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 17, 2011, at 7:30:20
In reply to oh boy do the emotions come up, posted by Lamdage22 on October 15, 2011, at 8:33:20
Is posting down again? I have seldom been as sad as i am now..
NO parents (i have some but they just f*ck*d me over and over again), NO partner, very few friends, and a broken and confused heart..
it hurts like hell.. i cry more of the time than i am not crying. I walk around listening to a song called private hell.. cuz thats what it f*ck*ng is. My life my very own hell and no way out.
And this woman.. it really felt like love. I just do not get what the f*ck is going on. I have never felt so close to a woman. And she says all this stuff she loves me etc etc. I mean it didn't sound like she was lying. And her caresses/kisses neither. The way we were on the bed next to each other in complete peace. I just can't get over it. yeah but as she asked if i come to this club thing i have lost my mind and.. insulted her and so on and so on. And deleted her number. I should have just asked whats going on instead. Rejected her before she could do the same to me. Like HARDCORE.
Now i will never know.. and never see her again.
This is SO f*ck*d everything.. This breakup pain feels like a part of me is dying.
I have never felt such a thing because i just started feeling ANYTHING not much more than a year ago.Moreover: want to have some f*ck*ng PARENTS!!! a place thats there for me as a shelter.. it never existed.
Don't know if ill be able to create the life i want.. i really don't. With women I'm sooo disturbed
Posted by sigismund on October 17, 2011, at 10:47:11
In reply to in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 17, 2011, at 7:30:20
Sorry, my friend, I wrote this long post on my laptop and just before I pressed Submit, it vanished.
Probably going on about the nature of sex or something.
What I have not got clear about yet is (and be patient, I may not have read all your posts on this).
You saw this girl in a brothel, she likes you, you like her, she says she loves you or something.....and then something bad happens.....but what......what was bad? That she said something reminding you it was still kind of commercial? Well, that goes with the territory. Don't you think you are expecting a bit much.
What's wrong with this? She wants or is OK with you being her toyboy. Sounds good to me. If you don't mind the commercial undertones.
Maybe that is what I was saying.
Posted by sigismund on October 17, 2011, at 10:50:43
In reply to in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 17, 2011, at 7:30:20
> The way we were on the bed next to each other in complete peace. I just can't get over it. yeah but as she asked if i come to this club thing i have lost my mind and.. insulted her and so on and so on. And deleted her number. I should have just asked whats going on instead. Rejected her before she could do the same to me. Like HARDCORE.
OK, right, now I see.
This is just my opinion, but it sounded so nice, even if there was money involved. And then you got very touchy about whether it was real?
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 17, 2011, at 17:58:41
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by sigismund on October 17, 2011, at 10:50:43
> > The way we were on the bed next to each other in complete peace. I just can't get over it. yeah but as she asked if i come to this club thing i have lost my mind and.. insulted her and so on and so on. And deleted her number. I should have just asked whats going on instead. Rejected her before she could do the same to me. Like HARDCORE.
>
> OK, right, now I see.
>
> This is just my opinion, but it sounded so nice, even if there was money involved. And then you got very touchy about whether it was real?
>
>
Thanks Sigi.. for picking the thread up. Yes you got straight to the core of the issue. Its not easy but i will try to keep my posts a bit shorter. But please hear me out on this one!It may sound nice but... its a bit unfair to regularly display deepest loving tenderness to someone but at the same time have some sort of problem (if not to say refuse to) spend time with him without taking money for it don't you think?
Yeah she told me all this stuff with marrying etc etc. I really wanted to SEE HER.. I got sick of it and told her: you know what a first step would be? SEE ME OUTSIDE!
She goes yes i know. -and she has talked about just this multiple times in the past!-
From this point on it all got extremely confusing. At times she sounded like she was totally down for doing it and at other times she goes "stay with me 3 hours now or i will not call you".
Even though i just came to drop my number and kinda say goodbye to her as a hooker.And thats kind of where it stops for me. I told her if it costs me 300eur to get a call i would really prefer if she didn't call.
Later in that same "session", she was like "f*ck me".
I was like "yeah i can picture myself doing that" .. she goes "FOR MONEY!"I have no idea what to make of all this.. and exactly that kills me.
I mean she didn't really refuse, she sent EXTREMELY MIXED MESSAGES. And didn't help me understand whats going on. Yeah, i completely lost my mind about the fact that: SHE CALLS ME.. but AGAIN ASKS ME IF I COME TO THE BROTHEL EVEN THOUGH I SAID GOODBYE TO "HER IN THE BROTHEL" AND SAID BYE TO THE "HOOKER DARIA".. thats her name.My number was just in case she might still want to see me despite my final goodbye to paysex. But no, she uses the number to ask me if i come to the club.
I have to add her english is not the best.. but i can't imagine she didn't get thisThats where i lost control and told her basically to f*ck off with asking me to pay money for love. With this kind of tone.. or worse :(
This affair is not the only reason for my pain. Having stopped the all the hookers.. a lot of emotions came up just with that. Emotions that i had previously suppressed with the brothel visits.
And these emotions.... they come straight from hell.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 17, 2011, at 17:59:11
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by sigismund on October 17, 2011, at 10:50:43
> > The way we were on the bed next to each other in complete peace. I just can't get over it. yeah but as she asked if i come to this club thing i have lost my mind and.. insulted her and so on and so on. And deleted her number. I should have just asked whats going on instead. Rejected her before she could do the same to me. Like HARDCORE.
>
> OK, right, now I see.
>
> This is just my opinion, but it sounded so nice, even if there was money involved. And then you got very touchy about whether it was real?
>
>
Thanks Sigi.. for picking the thread up. Yes you got straight to the core of the issue. Its not easy but i will try to keep my posts a bit shorter. But please hear me out on this one!It may sound nice but... its a bit unfair to regularly display deepest loving tenderness to someone but at the same time have some sort of problem (if not to say refuse to) spend time with him without taking money for it don't you think?
Yeah she told me all this stuff with marrying etc etc. I really wanted to SEE HER.. I got sick of it and told her: you know what a first step would be? SEE ME OUTSIDE!
She goes yes i know. -and she has talked about just this multiple times in the past!-
From this point on it all got extremely confusing. At times she sounded like she was totally down for doing it and at other times she goes "stay with me 3 hours now or i will not call you".
Even though i just came to drop my number and kinda say goodbye to her as a hooker.And thats kind of where it stops for me. I told her if it costs me 300eur to get a call i would really prefer if she didn't call.
Later in that same "session", she was like "f*ck me".
I was like "yeah i can picture myself doing that" .. she goes "FOR MONEY!"I have no idea what to make of all this.. and exactly that kills me.
I mean she didn't really refuse, she sent EXTREMELY MIXED MESSAGES. And didn't help me understand whats going on. Yeah, i completely lost my mind about the fact that: SHE CALLS ME.. but AGAIN ASKS ME IF I COME TO THE BROTHEL EVEN THOUGH I SAID GOODBYE TO "HER IN THE BROTHEL" AND SAID BYE TO THE "HOOKER DARIA".. thats her name.My number was just in case she might still want to see me despite my final goodbye to paysex. But no, she uses the number to ask me if i come to the club.
I have to add her english is not the best.. but i can't imagine she didn't get thisThats where i lost control and told her basically to f*ck off with asking me to pay money for love. With this kind of tone.. or worse :(
This affair is not the only reason for my pain. Having stopped the all the hookers.. a lot of emotions came up just with that. Emotions that i had previously suppressed with the brothel visits.
And these emotions.... they come straight from hell.
Posted by sigismund on October 18, 2011, at 8:59:16
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 17, 2011, at 17:58:41
>Thats where i lost control and told her basically to f*ck off with asking me to pay money for love.
Well maybe you shouldn't feel so bad about it, because maybe it is unavoidable, meaning that it is liable to come with the territory.
The only way I can see around it is if you came to enjoy giving her money, or if she came not to want it, and neither is going to happen.
What kind of emotions do brothel visits help suppress?
Something to do with your family?
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 18, 2011, at 18:38:44
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me » Lamdage22, posted by sigismund on October 18, 2011, at 8:59:16
Yeah you are right. I apologized to her and said goodbye. I really did some sh*t to her.. alright. One more thing added to the grieving list.
> What kind of emotions do brothel visits help suppress?
>
> Something to do with your family?Yes.. this very deep loneliness back from childhood. And it hasn't really vanished since. The fact how much my parents hurt me and that i simply don't have parents.. never had.
The hatred against my father is going in my dreams again. I woke up punching "my father" and in waking reality i hit some stuff through my room lol.
Whatever i may invite a gal for dinner just for the heck of it.. she was very nice to me. I have a feeling she might like that..
Haven't had a girl for ages and I'm longing for it. At least spending time with women.. you know real women, not phantasy women.
My therapist says i should wait until i am more balanced and whatever but i don't care about waiting. I have been waiting for too long for this reason. Who knows if i will ever be "balanced"..
Posted by sigismund on October 19, 2011, at 2:44:11
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 18, 2011, at 18:38:44
Our capacity and need for love is often a torment to us. It would be so much easier if we were machines. I don't know how you let go of this sort of thing, and now I recall that you do not want to, not that it matters because it is out of your hands, if my experience is any guide. Some things just get dulled by time. My father died more than 30 years ago, and though I spend no time hating him, every so often a flash of resentment mixed with a tinge of regret passes over me. I guess that is what passes for progress? A wise man told me back then to try to accept my parents as they were....that they would never and could never give me what I wanted and needed. Now, so much later I find I can accept this in the case of my mother, though not in the case of my father. Perhaps feeling resentment toward him is more enjoyable for me. With my mother my feelings are more complicated and some compassion comes naturally. Don't really know why? Perhaps I knew her much better? Not sure.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 19, 2011, at 16:52:09
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me » Lamdage22, posted by sigismund on October 19, 2011, at 2:44:11
> Our capacity and need for love is often a torment to us. It would be so much easier if we were machines. I don't know how you let go of this sort of thing, and now I recall that you do not want to, not that it matters because it is out of your hands, if my experience is any guide. Some things just get dulled by time. My father died more than 30 years ago, and though I spend no time hating him, every so often a flash of resentment mixed with a tinge of regret passes over me. I guess that is what passes for progress? A wise man told me back then to try to accept my parents as they were....that they would never and could never give me what I wanted and needed. Now, so much later I find I can accept this in the case of my mother, though not in the case of my father. Perhaps feeling resentment toward him is more enjoyable for me. With my mother my feelings are more complicated and some compassion comes naturally. Don't really know why? Perhaps I knew her much better? Not sure.
Right now its a lot more grief than anger. I regularly start crying. At home.. on the road. Wherever i feel the need.
It feels good. On the bus i took 5 mins ago i listened to a song and felt the need to cry.. what the heck.. i did it! Not like i splash the whole bus with my tears.. but I'm not ashamed either. I am touched when i see someone crying in public, because he/she just needs to at this moment.What worries me is this retaliation actions i did. I mean i called the place and told them shed be unprofessional and so on. Basically i told them that she said to me she loved me. And not only that.. its on the internet, too. Stuff like that she would be trying to fleece customers with this "love-scam". Ya.. i did that :/
Im ashamed of this sh*t. (and should be, too) And thats exactly what i mean with "very very disturbed when it comes to love". Its a bit "stalkerish", too. The feelings that the girl in the brothel displayed, i suspect, where real. How i F*CK*D that up again...
Enemy image "woman". Just WHY is this so?I can intellectually see coherence to having been left alone by my mother in baby-toddler age. But at this point there is no emotional understanding of it..
I once had access to the feelings that accompanied this neglect of my mother in therapy and i could easily tell that this is THE major possibility for a therapeutic breakthrough.
For now its gone...Any idea on how i can work toward healing my extreme disturbances in regard to women!??
Posted by sigismund on October 19, 2011, at 20:44:57
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 19, 2011, at 16:52:09
I guess I don't see it as extreme disturbance. To see it as extreme disturbance is the make the same mistake you have been making as you go.
These are the mistakes I have in mind.
You try to buy what cannot be bought.
You react angrily at affection because it feels tainted by commerce.
You demonised her to make your position seem better.
Now you are demonising yourself.Now these are just basic mistakes. But the task you were faced with was not easy. I wouldn't know, but relationships with girls in brothels don't seem easy to me.
Let's look at the positives, albeit one mismanaged. And before you emphasise that, it is human to mismanage things. You had a nice time with this girl. That is what stands out for me.
Your desire to see it in terms of how f*ck*d up you are is just another sign of lack of balance.
Maybe that is what I am trying to say? That it is a question of balance, rather than a question of being really f*ck*d up and needing to root out the basis of the problem with therapy?
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 20, 2011, at 8:43:39
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by sigismund on October 19, 2011, at 20:44:57
I see what you are saying..
i will think about it. Its just.. i feel shameful about all this. I just already called a "girl" again aarrghh
think I'm not gonna go but its tough. I really have to put my focus to useful recreational activity.. reading, making music. Just out of boredom i start fantasizing about... dammit!
Truth hurts.. you said "to make myself look better". I think there is truth to this. But why did i need to do that? because of the shame about it?
Posted by sigismund on October 20, 2011, at 10:40:48
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by sigismund on October 19, 2011, at 20:44:57
If you ever have contact with her again, could you not just say you were feeling upset and confused, and that you are sorry for what you did?
That might really make you feel better.
I was thinking about the true love / tainted by commerce dichotomy. You became very angry when she kind of rejected your desire for it not to be commercial. I must have meant you were both in it together to some extent with the commerce?
I don't see this as THAT bad, or sick. As for sexual addiction, that to me is nonsense. Where did that idea come from? I mean, in our culture?
Wouldn't a girlfriend be simpler though? This sounds like really hard work.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 20, 2011, at 20:51:14
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by sigismund on October 20, 2011, at 10:40:48
> If you ever have contact with her again, could you not just say you were feeling upset and confused, and that you are sorry for what you did?
I did this.. well i wrote her a text message.
> I was thinking about the true love / tainted by commerce dichotomy. You became very angry when she kind of rejected your desire for it not to be commercial. I must have meant you were both in it together to some extent with the commerce?
Well.. tainted is really the perfect word to describe the problem. Im sure there were some very genuine feelings from both sides but this "tainted" that naturally comes with the environment was always present, too and kind of hung over it like a dark cloud.
For my part i have to say i would have loved to see her outside.. i would definitely have done it. And not necessarily for the sex.. that wasn't what the last meetings were about either. I just loved to spend time with her, especially when she seemed to be cool with meeting me outside.But FOR A FACT.. we can't really know (all) the reasons for her behavior. It might very well be something she can't explain to me for whatever reasons. She sent extremely mixed messages about everything when i showed her i mean it with meeting her in real life not in the commerce.
> I don't see this as THAT bad, or sick. As for sexual addiction, that to me is nonsense. Where did that idea come from? I mean, in our culture?Hm i don't know.. maybe i beat myself up too hard for it. Fact is though it mentally distances me from regular dating and that i drown feelings with paysex. So it becomes a form of running away. And THAT sucks.
I had a setback today.. :(. I hope that my stay in hawaii will help heal.. Last time i was there for 3 weeks and it helped heal my at the time pretty severe pot addiction. No opportunity to do pot has led to the realization that life doesn't necessarily suck without pot. Sounds fair enough and i hope the same will be the case with paysex.
> Wouldn't a girlfriend be simpler though? This sounds like really hard work.I really don't know. I had a 11 Month on-off relationship where i went from demonizing to idealizing the relationship.. But the relationship started out with her making suicide threats so.... thats a whole lot more her fault than mine.
But this was definitely not easier than visiting a hooker regularly.
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 11, 2011, at 1:08:33
In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 20, 2011, at 20:51:14
well thats the status quo again.. im sorry im such a flaccid case
I kind of grow more and more into the belief that ive seen all of this world i wanna see already. Im not even in my mid 20s.
The girl.. she is from romania. They are known for being trafficked over here alot. Many if not most of these girls get lured over here and into this kind of work by so called "loverboys"... girls then are in debt for the fixing of their work papers.
check this BS out.
http://activisionary.info/2011/09/23/921/just hearing about stuff like that makes me want to kill myself. no idea if thats whats going on with her. But one thing is sure.. her not meeting me outside doesnt need to have anything to do with the authenticity of the feelings she expressed.
Yap anyway.. im on Nardil 90mg bupropi 150mg, SamE 100mg
and a flaccid suicidal mess
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 11, 2011, at 3:19:58
In reply to die hard suicide thoughts.., posted by Lamdage22 on November 11, 2011, at 1:08:33
Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2011, at 22:40:31
In reply to die hard suicide thoughts.., posted by Lamdage22 on November 11, 2011, at 1:08:33
Do you have a pdoc or therapist you can contact? Or someone else who can help you with the intensity of what you're feeling?
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 13, 2011, at 1:56:48
In reply to Re: die hard suicide thoughts.. » Lamdage22, posted by Dinah on November 11, 2011, at 22:40:31
> Do you have a pdoc or therapist you can contact? Or someone else who can help you with the intensity of what you're feeling?
>I will probably be able to see a pdoc on monday.
And i have a crisis worker whom i can contact, but that didnt work out too well.
Ontop of everything im coughing and have a nasty headache like after drinking. But i havent been drinking.
Its just a very tough situation and there seems to be no relief in sight
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 13, 2011, at 1:58:03
In reply to Re: die hard suicide thoughts.., posted by Lamdage22 on November 13, 2011, at 1:56:48
i need some xanax, seriously.. and a freakin strong AD regimen. Im thinking that my nardil might not be 100% legit. Who knows. The point is i need a combination of BIG guns right now
Posted by Lamdage22 on November 22, 2011, at 3:52:21
In reply to Re: die hard suicide thoughts.., posted by Lamdage22 on November 13, 2011, at 1:58:03
I got the "original" us Nardil prescribed and xanax, which i barely use.
Im sort of in a support system again and it feels good. The pdoc is nice and seems competent. Shes just cautious to prescribe me more than a weeks worth. Got to get my refills weekly.
But its understandable, she doesnt know me and i have come to her with suicide thoughts so naturally, she does not want me to OD on pills that she helped me get.
Its tough sometimes to keep hope that life isnt staying like this forever.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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