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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on April 13, 2011, at 14:20:48
Pdoc said she isn't even supposed to be seeing non students. We're going down to once every 3 weeks for 9 weeks then it's going to be once a month.
I don't know what is going to happen at once a month. She said she wasn't terminating me, but who knows.
She said I don't need to see her every 2 weeks. She said I already have all the tools and skills needed. She said I just need to take care of myself better.
I cried. I'm sad I won't get to see pdoc as often as I want. I'm going to miss her.
I'm sad, but I'm not devastated. I'll be OK. I'm just going to miss her.
Posted by jane d on April 13, 2011, at 19:25:14
In reply to Pdoc reduced my sessions :-(, posted by Deneb on April 13, 2011, at 14:20:48
> She said I don't need to see her every 2 weeks. She said I already have all the tools and skills needed. She said I just need to take care of myself better.
>
> I'm sad, but I'm not devastated. I'll be OK. I'm just going to miss her.You're graduating! I think you should be very proud of yourself for reaching this point. I'm sure she's very proud of you too.
Posted by Dinah on April 14, 2011, at 20:12:24
In reply to Pdoc reduced my sessions :-(, posted by Deneb on April 13, 2011, at 14:20:48
Posted by Deneb on April 18, 2011, at 22:09:55
In reply to Pdoc reduced my sessions :-(, posted by Deneb on April 13, 2011, at 14:20:48
This is a huge deal to me. I've seen pdoc for 9 years. She has been with me for a third of my life. Why aren't more people responding to my post?
Does anyone care?
I feel like I lost a member of my family.
Posted by wittgensteinz on April 19, 2011, at 4:54:05
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-(, posted by Deneb on April 18, 2011, at 22:09:55
Hi Deneb,
I'm sorry you didn't get many replies. I read your post and interpreted it as a sad event but also as something positive - an achievement (maybe because you said about her telling you that you have all the skills you need to manage).
"I'm sad, but I'm not devastated. I'll be OK. I'm just going to miss her."
Perhaps this was more your reassuring yourself - self-soothing, which in itself is a very important skill. It seemed to me like you are responding in a very healthy way - it's normal to grieve the reduction in contact with someone who you value and whom means a lot to you. It's normal to miss her.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I can imagine her decision to reduce the sessions brings up a lot of feelings. Is it possible to write these down and bring them to the next session and share with her. Maybe she even doesn't fully realise how important she is to you - how meaningful your appointments are? (Just like I didn't fully realise how you felt from reading your post.)
She hasn't said she is ending the treatment - but it does make a difference to be seeing her less often and it sounds like you don't fully trust that you will remain an ongoing patient. I think I'd feel the same way actually under those circumstances. Is there some way in which you can have some control over the way the sessions are tapered off and can get some clarity as what exactly you should expect after the next 9 weeks? Knowing exactly what to expect - having a fixed agreement - might at least make it easier for you to process. Uncertainty is never easy!
In a way it is something to be very proud of - that you are now in a position to make it on your own. You've learned a lot and grown a lot in those 9 years. It's also impressive how you reassured yourself in your post of your ability to manage - you didn't sensationalise your feelings. I'm sorry that perhaps because of that you didn't get the response you had hoped for/needed.
It's going to be a while until you next see your pdoc but that will give you time to reflect on your relationship with her, maybe to write some things down so that you can bring this up with her the next time. If I understand right, she is both a therapist and a pdoc to you? Or does she just manage meds?
I think you should also be kind to yourself - give yourself a treat - a celebration of the progress you've made.
Witti
Posted by annierose on April 19, 2011, at 7:41:40
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-( » Deneb, posted by wittgensteinz on April 19, 2011, at 4:54:05
It is hard to reduce sessions. I'm sorry you feel like we didn't care. I felt bad for you - I tend to reply more often when someone is asking a question or for advice.
If you feel you want additional professional support, you can always seek out a therapist to talk with between your pdoc appointments too.
Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2011, at 8:35:21
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-(, posted by Deneb on April 18, 2011, at 22:09:55
I know what a big deal it is, Deneb.
I know how she is sort of a surrogate mother to you. A source of stability in your life.
I'm also in a somewhat similar situation with my therapist right now, and I understand that feeling ok and calm about something can go alongside feeling really bad about it. It must be especially bad because she's not really giving you a choice.
But she's not cutting off communication with you either, even tho she's really supposed to be seeing students only. She's not rejecting you.
Maybe you can think of this as the teenage stage of the therapeutic relationship. You won't be in her direct control as much, but she's there keeping an eye on you while you try your wings. Can you feel your internalized pdoc? Can you think what she would say on situations you confront? She's a very sensible person, it seems like.
I know your last foray into therapists didn't go very well. Do you think you'd have a wider range of choice if you tried again? Not that they're washing machines. You can't replace your pdoc.
I hate change. I'm sorry it's being forced on you.
Posted by Deneb on April 20, 2011, at 18:15:10
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-( » Deneb, posted by wittgensteinz on April 19, 2011, at 4:54:05
> Hi Deneb,
>
> I'm sorry you didn't get many replies. I read your post and interpreted it as a sad event but also as something positive - an achievement (maybe because you said about her telling you that you have all the skills you need to manage).
>
> "I'm sad, but I'm not devastated. I'll be OK. I'm just going to miss her."Thanks. I know, I have the skills, but I will still miss her so much.
>
> Perhaps this was more your reassuring yourself - self-soothing, which in itself is a very important skill. It seemed to me like you are responding in a very healthy way - it's normal to grieve the reduction in contact with someone who you value and whom means a lot to you. It's normal to miss her.
>
> I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I can imagine her decision to reduce the sessions brings up a lot of feelings. Is it possible to write these down and bring them to the next session and share with her. Maybe she even doesn't fully realise how important she is to you - how meaningful your appointments are? (Just like I didn't fully realise how you felt from reading your post.)
>
> She hasn't said she is ending the treatment - but it does make a difference to be seeing her less often and it sounds like you don't fully trust that you will remain an ongoing patient. I think I'd feel the same way actually under those circumstances. Is there some way in which you can have some control over the way the sessions are tapered off and can get some clarity as what exactly you should expect after the next 9 weeks? Knowing exactly what to expect - having a fixed agreement - might at least make it easier for you to process. Uncertainty is never easy!She just said she wasn't terminating me, but I just don't know. Maybe I will ask her.
>
> In a way it is something to be very proud of - that you are now in a position to make it on your own. You've learned a lot and grown a lot in those 9 years. It's also impressive how you reassured yourself in your post of your ability to manage - you didn't sensationalise your feelings. I'm sorry that perhaps because of that you didn't get the response you had hoped for/needed.
>
> It's going to be a while until you next see your pdoc but that will give you time to reflect on your relationship with her, maybe to write some things down so that you can bring this up with her the next time. If I understand right, she is both a therapist and a pdoc to you? Or does she just manage meds?She's both my T and pdoc. Yeah, I could write things down.
> I think you should also be kind to yourself - give yourself a treat - a celebration of the progress you've made.
>
> WittiThanks for caring Witti. :-)
Posted by Deneb on April 20, 2011, at 18:17:46
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-(, posted by annierose on April 19, 2011, at 7:41:40
Thanks Annierose
I wish there was another T I could turn to, but I've tried going to other T's when pdoc reduced my sessions from weekly to biweekly and no T could compare with pdoc. They just don't know me like pdoc and I like pdoc a lot. Pdoc is like a mom to me.
I don't think anyone can replace her.
Posted by Deneb on April 20, 2011, at 18:22:51
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-(, posted by Dinah on April 19, 2011, at 8:35:21
> I know what a big deal it is, Deneb.
>
> I know how she is sort of a surrogate mother to you. A source of stability in your life.Thanks Dinah. I know you understand. She is like a mom to me. I grew up around her.
>
> I'm also in a somewhat similar situation with my therapist right now, and I understand that feeling ok and calm about something can go alongside feeling really bad about it. It must be especially bad because she's not really giving you a choice.How are things with your therapist going? Have you stopped all contact?
>
> But she's not cutting off communication with you either, even tho she's really supposed to be seeing students only. She's not rejecting you.I said that I would miss her and then she said she would miss me too. Yeah, she's not rejecting me. I'm still on meds anyways, I'm not sure she can just abandon me.
>
> Maybe you can think of this as the teenage stage of the therapeutic relationship. You won't be in her direct control as much, but she's there keeping an eye on you while you try your wings. Can you feel your internalized pdoc? Can you think what she would say on situations you confront? She's a very sensible person, it seems like.I thinking of that too. It's sort of like leaving the nest. Maybe pdoc wants me to get out and become independent.
>
> I know your last foray into therapists didn't go very well. Do you think you'd have a wider range of choice if you tried again? Not that they're washing machines. You can't replace your pdoc.
>
> I hate change. I'm sorry it's being forced on you.I really don't want a T who's not pdoc. It's just not the same.
Posted by annierose on April 20, 2011, at 21:49:03
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-( » annierose, posted by Deneb on April 20, 2011, at 18:17:46
Of course no one could replace her. And you don't need to replace her ... you still get to see her. She is still a part of your life. And I bet you probably didn't feel this way after the first session. Your love grew the more you worked with her.
People are not replacable. Perhaps while you still get to talk with your p-doc you could try again talking to others ... and I think you have to be open to the idea and let them in. If you walk in comparing them to her, that wouldn't be fair to either of you. I have seen other therapists before/after seeing the current one. And although they were not my "favorite" I did learn something valuable from each of them, something special, something that keeps them in my heart as well.
Have you ever asked your p-doc for a referral ... someone that she thinks would be great for you ... someone that she hand-picked.
Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2011, at 7:36:29
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-( » Dinah, posted by Deneb on April 20, 2011, at 18:22:51
> I really don't want a T who's not pdoc. It's just not the same.
I get that. I always say I could find another therapist, perhaps even one I liked - if I looked long enough. But I can't find another therapist/mommy. It's like baby ducks. The one you imprint on is your therapist/mommy. No one else can be that.
It doesn't mean that if I needed therapy I wouldn't try to find a decent therapist. So, if you don't need it, it's not worth it. But if you ever do, maybe you could find a therapist/teacher or a therapist/sister or therapist/brother. It won't be your therapist, but a good therapist can be helpful anyway.
I think I'll probably write about my therapist soon. I saw him Wednesday to talk about the letter from the pdoc I was thinking of seeing, and between us we decided that she wasn't a good fit for me. He said a bit more about what he was thinking with me. I'm pondering it a bit. I actually see him again today to follow up on it a bit. He hasn't changed the meat of what he said, but he's expanding on his thoughts behind it. He must have given it some thought, because he's saying it much less offensively.
In the month I've been gone, so much has changed with him. It felt as if I'd been gone a year.
Posted by Deneb on April 24, 2011, at 18:21:40
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-( » Deneb, posted by annierose on April 20, 2011, at 21:49:03
> Of course no one could replace her. And you don't need to replace her ... you still get to see her. She is still a part of your life. And I bet you probably didn't feel this way after the first session. Your love grew the more you worked with her.
Yeah, I was very difficult to work with at the beginning, but then I grew attached to her after all these years.
>
> People are not replacable. Perhaps while you still get to talk with your p-doc you could try again talking to others ... and I think you have to be open to the idea and let them in. If you walk in comparing them to her, that wouldn't be fair to either of you. I have seen other therapists before/after seeing the current one. And although they were not my "favorite" I did learn something valuable from each of them, something special, something that keeps them in my heart as well.
>
> Have you ever asked your p-doc for a referral ... someone that she thinks would be great for you ... someone that she hand-picked.I think pdoc thinks that I`m ready to set out there on my own without a T every week. I really have improved a lot. I don`t really think I need a T. It`s just nice to have someone to walk to once in a while.
This is the end of the thread.
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