Posted by wittgensteinz on April 19, 2011, at 4:54:05
In reply to Re: Pdoc reduced my sessions :-(, posted by Deneb on April 18, 2011, at 22:09:55
Hi Deneb,
I'm sorry you didn't get many replies. I read your post and interpreted it as a sad event but also as something positive - an achievement (maybe because you said about her telling you that you have all the skills you need to manage).
"I'm sad, but I'm not devastated. I'll be OK. I'm just going to miss her."
Perhaps this was more your reassuring yourself - self-soothing, which in itself is a very important skill. It seemed to me like you are responding in a very healthy way - it's normal to grieve the reduction in contact with someone who you value and whom means a lot to you. It's normal to miss her.
I'm sorry you're hurting so much. I can imagine her decision to reduce the sessions brings up a lot of feelings. Is it possible to write these down and bring them to the next session and share with her. Maybe she even doesn't fully realise how important she is to you - how meaningful your appointments are? (Just like I didn't fully realise how you felt from reading your post.)
She hasn't said she is ending the treatment - but it does make a difference to be seeing her less often and it sounds like you don't fully trust that you will remain an ongoing patient. I think I'd feel the same way actually under those circumstances. Is there some way in which you can have some control over the way the sessions are tapered off and can get some clarity as what exactly you should expect after the next 9 weeks? Knowing exactly what to expect - having a fixed agreement - might at least make it easier for you to process. Uncertainty is never easy!
In a way it is something to be very proud of - that you are now in a position to make it on your own. You've learned a lot and grown a lot in those 9 years. It's also impressive how you reassured yourself in your post of your ability to manage - you didn't sensationalise your feelings. I'm sorry that perhaps because of that you didn't get the response you had hoped for/needed.
It's going to be a while until you next see your pdoc but that will give you time to reflect on your relationship with her, maybe to write some things down so that you can bring this up with her the next time. If I understand right, she is both a therapist and a pdoc to you? Or does she just manage meds?
I think you should also be kind to yourself - give yourself a treat - a celebration of the progress you've made.
Witti
poster:wittgensteinz
thread:982673
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/983241.html