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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmealltalk on March 22, 2011, at 19:07:26
I've been in treatment almost my entire life, but never have I felt as anxious and scared and terrified and overwhelmed as I do now. I know that we are talking about some pretty scary stuff and that I am so overwhelmed with my feelings that I feel like I am having a panic attack in her office. Not talking would do no good as avoidance isnt necessarily the way to go, but I just feel dreadful in my therapists office, and then continue to feel horrible at home. I do have tools that have helped calm me down in the past, and meds to help the anxiety, but still I feel so awful. Its the craziest thing, right now I could totally picture myself hospitalizing myself because this is leaving me so nonfunctioning, but its not like I feel that I am a danger to myself or others, Im just scared to death. And I dont want to be in a hospital, and Id still have to be released to discuss the same stuff anyway so it wouldnt help, it just feels that intense. I was wondering how other people dealt when therapy became so difficult to handle. I know there are more intense and less intense times in my treatment, but I sort of feel alone with this as I dont know people who really understand what I am saying and feeling alone on top of all this makes matters worse. Someone please respond, even if u dont know what I mean, I want to know someone is out there,
Mel
Posted by obsidian on March 22, 2011, at 22:56:15
In reply to Therapy is scaring me out of my mind!, posted by mmealltalk on March 22, 2011, at 19:07:26
> I've been in treatment almost my entire life, but never have I felt as anxious and scared and terrified and overwhelmed as I do now. I know that we are talking about some pretty scary stuff and that I am so overwhelmed with my feelings that I feel like I am having a panic attack in her office. Not talking would do no good as avoidance isnt necessarily the way to go, but I just feel dreadful in my therapists office, and then continue to feel horrible at home. I do have tools that have helped calm me down in the past, and meds to help the anxiety, but still I feel so awful. Its the craziest thing, right now I could totally picture myself hospitalizing myself because this is leaving me so nonfunctioning, but its not like I feel that I am a danger to myself or others, Im just scared to death. And I dont want to be in a hospital, and Id still have to be released to discuss the same stuff anyway so it wouldnt help, it just feels that intense. I was wondering how other people dealt when therapy became so difficult to handle. I know there are more intense and less intense times in my treatment, but I sort of feel alone with this as I dont know people who really understand what I am saying and feeling alone on top of all this makes matters worse. Someone please respond, even if u dont know what I mean, I want to know someone is out there,
> MelHi,
I'm sorry it's so hard. I'm guessing you want to feel safer/contained, however that might happen??
it's hard to weather it sometimes :-(
no one in non-cyberspace to talk to then?
take care,
sid
Posted by pegasus on March 23, 2011, at 12:45:58
In reply to Re: Therapy is scaring me out of my mind! » mmealltalk, posted by obsidian on March 22, 2011, at 22:56:15
Does your T accept phone calls or emails between sessions? This is exactly the type of thing my T would want me to contact him about between sessions. I think mostly so that he knows it's going on and can know to help me look for ways to contain it better. Also, sometimes just knowing that he'd want me to call, and then having a brief contact helps me feel less along, and helps keep it more out of my regular life.
If your T isn't into that, then I wonder what his/her thoughts are about how you can manage this intensity? They should have some experience helping you dial it down to a more manageable level, at least between sessions.
Assuming that you can't/don't want to involve your T, I'd say posting here might help. I find it helpful to just get it out into the world somehow, when this type of thing happens. Or sometimes doing some type of art around it helps me, too. Like a big splashy painting, or even writing, or finding a song that expresses things, and singing it really loud in the car.
Or, around the fear, maybe it would be helpful to create some kind of nurturing ritual? Sorry if that sounds too new agey. I find it helpful. Sometimes I'll do some really intentional things that are meant to bring to mind a sense of taking care of myself. Like locking all of the doors and windows, then climbing in bed with the door to the bedroom closed, soothing music on, then lighting a candle, and writing down all of the things that are good and safe in my life. I know it's not for everyone, but I find that it helps calm me down sometimes.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. Know that you're not alone in experiencing these times.
- P
Posted by lola2 on March 23, 2011, at 16:31:04
In reply to Therapy is scaring me out of my mind!, posted by mmealltalk on March 22, 2011, at 19:07:26
you are not alone. i just experienced the same thing. i kind of still am but its better. it gets better, you need to just ride the storm for a bit. im sorry you are going though this.
Posted by mmealltalk on March 26, 2011, at 17:44:53
In reply to Therapy is scaring me out of my mind!, posted by mmealltalk on March 22, 2011, at 19:07:26
Thank you for the responses. Sometimes its helpful to hear what other people say so its not like I am the only one who has experienced this type of situation. I did speak to my t who is extraordinarily aware of how difficult a time I am having. The truth is, we have so many things set up for me to do when I feel so crazed and though they generally work, I get into these times when nothing feels like enough. Its like the hole cant be filled regardless of how many reassurances I have and methods of calming myself down until we next meet.
Anyway, as if things werent going absolutely insane enough, I met with my t yesterday and completely destroyed everything. I wasnt intentionally trying to screw things up however I guess I was so, so scared that I ended up repeating things that pissed her off and not letting go of what was said, so much so that she became angrier at me than I recall her ever being. I know it had to be unconsciously trying to avoid, but I took this so far that I really pushed her into a corner and hurt her. Its an ongoing issue that I dont let things go, so that isnt a surprise but I wouldnt let up and she was not going to be 'abused' verbally by me. Things got so out of hand. I am so distraught with all we discuss that I left there feeling that I destroyed us. That would kill me. I did speak to her later and she reassured me that she was no longer angry and we would work it out as our relationship had gone thru other events in the past which we both survived. I am just so furious with myself for doing it and didnt even realize what was happening until it was too late.
Grr. I know we will be ok though, Im just disappointed in myself.
Mel
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