Posted by mmealltalk on March 26, 2011, at 17:44:53
In reply to Therapy is scaring me out of my mind!, posted by mmealltalk on March 22, 2011, at 19:07:26
Thank you for the responses. Sometimes its helpful to hear what other people say so its not like I am the only one who has experienced this type of situation. I did speak to my t who is extraordinarily aware of how difficult a time I am having. The truth is, we have so many things set up for me to do when I feel so crazed and though they generally work, I get into these times when nothing feels like enough. Its like the hole cant be filled regardless of how many reassurances I have and methods of calming myself down until we next meet.
Anyway, as if things werent going absolutely insane enough, I met with my t yesterday and completely destroyed everything. I wasnt intentionally trying to screw things up however I guess I was so, so scared that I ended up repeating things that pissed her off and not letting go of what was said, so much so that she became angrier at me than I recall her ever being. I know it had to be unconsciously trying to avoid, but I took this so far that I really pushed her into a corner and hurt her. Its an ongoing issue that I dont let things go, so that isnt a surprise but I wouldnt let up and she was not going to be 'abused' verbally by me. Things got so out of hand. I am so distraught with all we discuss that I left there feeling that I destroyed us. That would kill me. I did speak to her later and she reassured me that she was no longer angry and we would work it out as our relationship had gone thru other events in the past which we both survived. I am just so furious with myself for doing it and didnt even realize what was happening until it was too late.
Grr. I know we will be ok though, Im just disappointed in myself.
Mel
poster:mmealltalk
thread:980916
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/981212.html