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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rnny on February 26, 2010, at 23:17:47
Therapy used to help with my loneliness but not anymore. My T retired a long time ago and I used to look forward to seeing her because she was the only support system I had. We were working on me having more of a support system but she retired before that happened. I have a new T now. She is OK but one thing that is wierd is that she sees alot of patients and I get to see who they are because I see them coming out of her office and I see them waiting for her when I leave her office. With the old T, she was in a very ultra large group practice so you never knew who was waiting for who and so forth. I worry about the new T seeing so many people (I swear, it seems like a ton, always new people and everyone in the waiting room that she shares with a psychiatrist seems to go to her). We get chatting as there are so many people in the waiting room and the subject comes up. People seem open there in the waiting room discussing their problems. One guy was dressed in women's clothing. It was obvious he was a cross dresser and we were talking and I enjoyed his conversation immensely. He then whispered very lowly, "just so you know, I am a man". I could have said, "no kidding" but I didn't want to hurt his feelings and said very quietly, "wow, I would never have known. You are beautiful". I mean he had on a wig, lipstick women's clothing, the whole 9 yards. i just found out my rent is going up 72 per cent but my income isn't and I am freaking out. I get that achy loneliness inside because I have no one to discuss this kind of stuff with other than the T. Do you have a support system so that anything that happens in your life you feel you have someone to run to or turn to or talk to (whatever you want to call it) other than your T? Thanks.
Posted by catlady on February 27, 2010, at 3:10:47
In reply to Therapy used to help with my loneliness, not anymo, posted by rnny on February 26, 2010, at 23:17:47
>I just want to say I emphasize with you completely. I am pretty much in the same boat you are. I have a hard time keeping friends. We always just end up drifting apart. I give a lot more than I get. I have 2 friends right now but they are not very supportive but I hang on to them because they are the only ones I have. I also have my sister which helps a lot. I would be lost without her. Other than that my therapist is one of my main support systems. I know how hard it is not having a very good support system. It makes me very frustrated. Sometimes I don't think my therapist understands how hard it is for me. I didn't learn these skills when I was younger. Plus I had some traumatic events that happened that made me kind of withdrawn. My therapist is also wanting to cut back appointments to every other week which is going to make it harder yet. She is concerned about me only depending on her. I really do feel for you. I have started going to the YMCA and to weight watchers. I don't know if I'll make friends in these places but at least I get a little bit of support. So hang in there. I told my therapist it is a lot harder for those of us without good support systems. I really do understand the loneliness. So sorry that you are going through this also.
Therapy used to help with my loneliness but not anymore. My T retired a long time ago and I used to look forward to seeing her because she was the only support system I had. We were working on me having more of a support system but she retired before that happened. I have a new T now. She is OK but one thing that is wierd is that she sees alot of patients and I get to see who they are because I see them coming out of her office and I see them waiting for her when I leave her office. With the old T, she was in a very ultra large group practice so you never knew who was waiting for who and so forth. I worry about the new T seeing so many people (I swear, it seems like a ton, always new people and everyone in the waiting room that she shares with a psychiatrist seems to go to her). We get chatting as there are so many people in the waiting room and the subject comes up. People seem open there in the waiting room discussing their problems. One guy was dressed in women's clothing. It was obvious he was a cross dresser and we were talking and I enjoyed his conversation immensely. He then whispered very lowly, "just so you know, I am a man". I could have said, "no kidding" but I didn't want to hurt his feelings and said very quietly, "wow, I would never have known. You are beautiful". I mean he had on a wig, lipstick women's clothing, the whole 9 yards. i just found out my rent is going up 72 per cent but my income isn't and I am freaking out. I get that achy loneliness inside because I have no one to discuss this kind of stuff with other than the T. Do you have a support system so that anything that happens in your life you feel you have someone to run to or turn to or talk to (whatever you want to call it) other than your T? Thanks.
Posted by floatingbridge on February 27, 2010, at 3:15:01
In reply to Therapy used to help with my loneliness, not anymo, posted by rnny on February 26, 2010, at 23:17:47
Hi rnny, I do have a support system, though it's rather small. Unless events change drastically, I shouldn't be on the street. I have very small group of caring people. Man, I worked, and work, to keep it alive. One half the time I am in flight from contact (even trusted), the other time, I'm out there trying to 'work it'--do my T homework, the CBT stuff, engaging people.
Gosh it's hard--I need so much, and get hurt so easily--great combo. Sorry this is more about me--doesn't help you much, I'm afraid. Your post moved me, and well, here I am. Best wishes to you.
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2010, at 10:38:53
In reply to Therapy used to help with my loneliness, not anymo, posted by rnny on February 26, 2010, at 23:17:47
I think maybe therapy isn't supposed to help us with loneliness directly. It's supposed to help us with loneliness indirectly by helping us build a wider support system.
I often refer to my support stool. My therapist is a very important leg on that support stool, but he also encourages me to develop other legs. For a long time, Babble bore as much weight as my therapist - sometimes more. My dogs are a huge support. My father required support himself, but he was also a key leg on my support stool. My whole world unbalanced when he was gone. My husband is my best friend in many ways, and is a wonderful support in many ways, tho in other ways he falls a bit short. And I have a very good friend.
It's not particularly easy for me to nurture these supports. My therapist does help me with that. And sometimes supports don't need to be the expected. My dogs are a huge source of support to me. A job can be a support. Volunteering can be a surprisingly large support, even if ostensibly you're giving support to others.
Therapist's *can't* meet our social needs. We see them just too seldom. They might be able to meet some of our intimacy needs. Some therapists might meet our problem solving needs. They can't really meet our practical needs.
Maybe your therapy would benefit from a shift in focus from trying to get your needs met in therapy to trying to use therapy as a tool to develop other sources for you to meet your needs? It would at least be less frustrating. I rather suspect that therapists might grow into meeting our needs. But it is almost certainly going to be hard to search for and find a therapist to meet our needs. If they even get a sense we're trying to do that, a new therapist will likely find that dysfunctional and an area for work.
Posted by rnny on February 27, 2010, at 15:47:52
In reply to Re: Therapy used to help with my loneliness, not anymo, posted by catlady on February 27, 2010, at 3:10:47
Thank you catlady. I really relate to you! (((catlady)))!! XO
Posted by rnny on February 27, 2010, at 15:48:51
In reply to Re: Therapy used to help with my loneliness, not anymo » rnny, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2010, at 10:38:53
Dinah, your reply was so professional sounding it was the equivalent of what I would expect to hear from a T! Thank you!! Good info! XO
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2010, at 16:45:33
In reply to Re: Therapy used to help with my loneliness, not anymo, posted by rnny on February 27, 2010, at 15:48:51
It's something I've thought a lot about, since I have struggled with being dependent on my therapist. Is it really what you'd expect to hear from a therapist? I think of it as being a rather melancholy conclusion.
But perhaps reality tends toward melancholy.
And I am well aware that my therapist has helped me shape my views.
This is the end of the thread.
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