Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2010, at 10:38:53
In reply to Therapy used to help with my loneliness, not anymo, posted by rnny on February 26, 2010, at 23:17:47
I think maybe therapy isn't supposed to help us with loneliness directly. It's supposed to help us with loneliness indirectly by helping us build a wider support system.
I often refer to my support stool. My therapist is a very important leg on that support stool, but he also encourages me to develop other legs. For a long time, Babble bore as much weight as my therapist - sometimes more. My dogs are a huge support. My father required support himself, but he was also a key leg on my support stool. My whole world unbalanced when he was gone. My husband is my best friend in many ways, and is a wonderful support in many ways, tho in other ways he falls a bit short. And I have a very good friend.
It's not particularly easy for me to nurture these supports. My therapist does help me with that. And sometimes supports don't need to be the expected. My dogs are a huge source of support to me. A job can be a support. Volunteering can be a surprisingly large support, even if ostensibly you're giving support to others.
Therapist's *can't* meet our social needs. We see them just too seldom. They might be able to meet some of our intimacy needs. Some therapists might meet our problem solving needs. They can't really meet our practical needs.
Maybe your therapy would benefit from a shift in focus from trying to get your needs met in therapy to trying to use therapy as a tool to develop other sources for you to meet your needs? It would at least be less frustrating. I rather suspect that therapists might grow into meeting our needs. But it is almost certainly going to be hard to search for and find a therapist to meet our needs. If they even get a sense we're trying to do that, a new therapist will likely find that dysfunctional and an area for work.
poster:Dinah
thread:938042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100128/msgs/938075.html