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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ebo4ny on January 23, 2010, at 16:01:59
I've been seeing my therapist for a little less than half a year. We had very good chemistry in session and I felt that he was very empathetic and I was starting to trust him. Sometimes I felt that he seemed attracted to me, but I assumed that it was a projection coming from my history with men. He seemed to not be doing or saying anything unproffessional. It was just a feeling, based my reading of body language and expressions.
He shares a lot of information about his personal life. I know a lot about his dating history his divorce certain aspects of his childhood etc.
About three months in I had a very unsettling dream about my father and as soon as I woke up I knew it was really about my therapist. I told my therapist about the dream at which point he informed me that I had a crush on him.
The situation was very shame inducing. It was around that time that he started ragging on my clothes. It seemed like no matter what I wore, he had something to say about it(ie "Well you're looking like you put quite a bit of thought into your clothes today. Did you have somewhere else you were going after therapy?"). So I started wearing baggy jeans and turtle necks and he still had something to say. I tried talking to him about how this made me feel and he said "My feelings toward my patients are dispassionate, Kimmy" even though I wasn't even talking about his feelings. I was trying to tell him that I felt he was accusing me of being seductive when i was trying not to be and it hurt my feelings and this is his response? He wont let me talk about any of this directly and I feel frustrated as hell, what should I do?
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2010, at 22:33:48
In reply to transference nightmare, posted by ebo4ny on January 23, 2010, at 16:01:59
Why won't he let you talk about it directly?
I'd find it pretty annoying myself, but I think my therapist would let me discuss it with him openly, and probably he'd explain why he's doing it.
I certainly wouldn't suggest this as what you should do, but I know myself well enough to know that if my therapist did do this, I'd probably comment on his fixation on my clothing. Or twirl as I walk in and suggest that since he is so fascinated by my clothing, that he tell me straight up what he thinks I'm trying to say with what I'm wearing today, so that we could move along to more useful topics. Or I might cut out some photos of people in various sorts of clothing, and ask him what he thinks their clothing means. But that's me, and it likely wouldn't be all that productive on my part. :)
Maybe you could ask him what it is a client could wear that he *wouldn't* find worthy of comment? Or if it's a standard part of his therapeutic approach? Or if he has some special reason to bring attention to your attire?
Or bring in your post and tell him you feel uncomfortable and would like to discuss this openly?
Posted by ebo4ny on January 24, 2010, at 11:32:52
In reply to Re: transference nightmare » ebo4ny, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2010, at 22:33:48
The humorous approach seems like a good idea. I tend to take things too seriously and that might help lighten things up a bit. Thanks!
Posted by sassyfrancesca on January 25, 2010, at 10:31:37
In reply to transference nightmare, posted by ebo4ny on January 23, 2010, at 16:01:59
> I've been seeing my therapist for a little less than half a year. We had very good chemistry in session and I felt that he was very empathetic and I was starting to trust him. Sometimes I felt that he seemed attracted to me, but I assumed that it was a projection coming from my history with men.
I wouldn't assume anything, or that it is about the past.
He seemed to not be doing or saying anything unproffessional. It was just a feeling, based my reading of body language and expressions.
Always trust your gut instincts. They are usually right.
> He shares a lot of information about his personal life. I know a lot about his dating history his divorce certain aspects of his childhood etc.> About three months in I had a very unsettling dream about my father and as soon as I woke up I knew it was really about my therapist. I told my therapist about the dream at which point he informed me that I had a crush on him.
That is ridiculous....I would call THAT...projection (what he wishes). He has NO way of know what the dream was about.
> The situation was very shame inducing.You have NOTHING to feel ashamed about.
It was around that time that he started ragging on my clothes.
He has NO business talking about your clothes.
It seemed like no matter what I wore, he had something to say about it(ie "Well you're looking like you put quite a bit of thought into your clothes today. Did you have somewhere else you were going after therapy?").
None of his business; sounds like he is trying to find out things about your personal life/jealous maybe.
So I started wearing baggy jeans and turtle necks and he still had something to say. I tried talking to him about how this made me feel and he said "My feelings toward my patients are dispassionate, Kimmy"
"Dispassionate???!!! Wrong; a therapist is supposed to care and love their clients.
even though I wasn't even talking about his feelings. I was trying to tell him that I felt he was accusing me of being seductive when i was trying not to be and it hurt my feelings and this is his response? He wont let me talk about any of this directly and I feel frustrated as hell, what should I do?
The job of a t is to listen to WHATEVER the client wants to discuss; if they won't they are not doing their job.
Sounds like he has a lot of stuff he is transferring/dumping on you that you know nothing about. You are there to discuss YOUR issues, not his.
Sassy
Posted by ebo4ny on January 25, 2010, at 12:32:05
In reply to Re: transference nightmare » ebo4ny, posted by sassyfrancesca on January 25, 2010, at 10:31:37
Well...It wasn't a total projection on his part because I do have a really bad crush on him. But your supportive comments about trusting my instincts have really helped. That's actually one of the major issues I'm working on right now. I'm going to make another attempt to discuss this with him. I'm hoping it will help, because otherwise I will need to see a different (Female) therapist. I thought I was ready for a male therapist but I guess not.
Posted by rnny on January 28, 2010, at 20:27:13
In reply to transference nightmare, posted by ebo4ny on January 23, 2010, at 16:01:59
I don't find this the kind of situation where I would use humor. I would be shopping around for a new therapist. His attitude stinks! And is very unprofessional. This is no laughing matter. I would be very upset.
Posted by Dinah on January 28, 2010, at 21:59:56
In reply to Re: transference nightmare, posted by rnny on January 28, 2010, at 20:27:13
The point I was making really wasn't about humor so much as it was about addressing the issue. I would absolutely address the issue with my therapist, although I may choose a less than "confrontational" way of doing so. In fact I almost definitely would, since anything else would lead to both of us digging our heels in.
That being said, I'm all in favor of walking away from therapists. I've done it myself with absolutely no regrets.
It depends on how much the overall relationship is helpful. In a relationship I want to keep, I try to address issues in a way that enhances or at least does not damage the relationship. I call it "fighting to relationship". With my therapist, humor can be an excellent way to bring up serious subjects without incurring bad feelings. Not that he'd in any way miss the intent.
In a relationship I don't wish to keep, I walk.
On the other hand, I'm not either tendency in myself is always in my best interests. And some therapists wouldn't appreciate my approach. I suppose the relationship we've built up probably makes the balance of that sort of thing much easier.
I just wanted to clarify that, for me at least, humor does not mean dismissing something. Quite the contrary.
This is the end of the thread.
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