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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on October 26, 2009, at 9:56:53
My friend and I know this is happening with such frequency, but no one wants to talk about it, it seems. We have a site: www.inlovewithyourtherapist.com......we are planning to write a book (anonymously, of course) and use the stories that women send us.
I've been in love with my t for over 5 years; it is both wonderful and painful, but I cannot talk about it to anyone who hasn't experienced that, because they don't understand....my friend is in the same situation.
If this is your situation/story, we'd love to hear from you on the site. Sharing is therapeutic.
Hugs, Sassy
Posted by elizabeth31 on October 26, 2009, at 18:26:07
In reply to If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T., posted by sassyfrancesca on October 26, 2009, at 9:56:53
Hey i was just going to share this great psychology website that has a lot of information about erotic transference and the feelings of love that are common for individuals in psychotherapy. just thought i'd share:)
www.guidetopsychology.com/questions/erotic_transference.htm
Posted by BayLeaf on October 26, 2009, at 18:46:14
In reply to If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T., posted by sassyfrancesca on October 26, 2009, at 9:56:53
why is it that u can't post about this here?? MANY of us have had these same feelings. I don't see any reason for another site - actually, in this case I think its VERY unhealthy. I see a collective of women who have crossed or are close to crossing the boundaries all hanging together...basically normalizing the behavior.
I hope you will stay right here and listen to lots of people's opinions rather than creating a site for those who agree with you.
Bay
Posted by tetrix on October 26, 2009, at 20:41:41
In reply to Re: If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T. » sassyfrancesca, posted by BayLeaf on October 26, 2009, at 18:46:14
I agree with Bay.. it sounds rather unhealthy to hang around women who obsess with their therapists - it takes away from therapy and ecourages unethical behaviour
Posted by sassyfrancesca on October 27, 2009, at 10:51:32
In reply to Re: If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T. » sassyfrancesca, posted by BayLeaf on October 26, 2009, at 18:46:14
> why is it that u can't post about this here?? Because there are some who are judgemental. I have posted before, and probably won't share again because of that judgemental attitude.
MANY of us have had these same feelings. I don't see any reason for another site - actually, in this case I think its VERY unhealthy.
It isn't unhealthy. There is no place for those of us who are in love with our therapists to talk about this. If we mention it to someone who hasn't experienced this, we are judged.
I see a collective of women who have crossed or are close to crossing the boundaries all hanging together...basically normalizing the behavior.
We aren't saying the behavor is "normal"----it is REAL.
Our voices are important to be heard. It isn't about right or wrong...it's about the human condition.....it is about what can happen in a therapeutic relationship which turns personal (for both parties).....how and what we experience. A place for people to talk about anything that is happening, without (again) the risk of being misunderstood or judged. That in itself, is painful.
>
> I hope you will stay right here and listen to lots of people's opinions rather than creating a site for those who agree with you. I already know what other people's opinions are.....it is of no help or value to me; most have been disparaging. Jadah was a poster years ago; she had an affair with her t for 5 years. People were sensitive, non-judgemental and understanding. It seems some on the board have the opposite effect.I totally understood Jadah's situation and related to it.
This isn't about people agreeing with me. That is irrelevant. The site is for people who have experienced the pain of being in love with a therapist and what we experience and how we cope.
This is a subject rarely discussed (the mental health world would like to believe it doesn't exist), those who haven't experienced it, don't understand (just leave is their comment(s)), and we are further judged and hurt.
Our book will bring this out of the closet....100's if not more people will recognize that they are not alone. That is the reason for the site and eventual...forthcoming book. To talk about the "forbidden"...taboo subject....to help.
>
> Bay
Posted by BayLeaf on October 27, 2009, at 19:41:14
In reply to If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T., posted by sassyfrancesca on October 26, 2009, at 9:56:53
Will the women who share their stories for your book also share profits from the book? Is it going to be like a women's cooperative? That would be so cool!
Posted by Lauren0722 on October 28, 2009, at 8:27:25
In reply to Re: If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T. » sassyfrancesca, posted by BayLeaf on October 27, 2009, at 19:41:14
As the co-author to this book I must interject - of course in AMERICA we have the ability to make money any number of ways but our intention with this book is to feel less alone, not to hang out with companions in misery and lamant how we all love our therapists.........
What happens in that therapy room or even sometimes in other settings is not ethical according to their rules - no one is disputing that - I do question how many of the founders of this profession, Freud being the most prominent and well known one, was a known cocaine user who also believed in giving his patients this as well.
This is a real thing that happens to many people in therapy and yet nothing is out there to help us process it, work thru it, feel less alone...........I have searched for months on the internet, in book stores, psych magazines, anywhere to just hear stories similar to mine to know I am not alone.......to have a book where each chapter is dedicated to a person's story and hear their struggles, their journey, that would be healing, comforting, something I personally would buy and want to know more about them.
Your idea of putting some of the money from the book to a charitable organization is actually a good one and I do plan to take that under advisement.
I spoke with a man yesterday who is in love with his female therapist - I could hear the pain and the conflict in his voice just from the phone call. He, nor I, have anyone to really speak to about this other then the occasional talk with the therapist themselves.
I sense that women who feel insecure in some way will always find some cutting or rude way to tear down a genuine post that is doing nothing more then asking for people to be human, to share their stories, to tell them I hurt just as you do, to say I feel all those same things, we all hurt in this process because we love them - so why not talk about it, share your story, tell us how you got to that place, how did the therapist react, how do you handle it each week you go, do you cry at night sometimes because you miss them so much - help us get the topic out of the shadows and ban together as a group of strong men and women and come together rather then tear each other down as you are doing in your reply to our posts - we (my co-author and I) simply came up with an idea to share stories as a way to help heal our struggles - we know there are so many people out there exactly like us and we want to hear from you.
Our promise is, unlike some of the posters to this thread, you will recceive no judgements from us, rather a heartfelt, listening ear who will know all that you feel with every word of your story.
Our website is:
www.inlovewithyourtherapist.com
And my personal email is:
Posted by emmanuel98 on October 28, 2009, at 19:36:05
In reply to Re: If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T., posted by Lauren0722 on October 28, 2009, at 8:27:25
I'm not sure what you're looking for. Doesn't everyone have personal/romantic feelings about their T? Isn't that the nature of therapy? Or are you talking about erotic feelings? Or boundary-crossings? I'm unclear on this.
I love my T. For the first few years of therapy, I counted the days between appointments like a child awaiting Christmas morning. I sat and cried in his office and told him how much I loved him. But it wasn't romantic love or erotic love. I loved him the way a child loves a good parent. I got a lot of help from guidetopsychology.com when I was really in the throes of this.
Is this the kind of story you're looking for?
Posted by BayLeaf on October 28, 2009, at 20:15:50
In reply to Re: If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T., posted by Lauren0722 on October 28, 2009, at 8:27:25
Huh? tearing you down? cutting? rude?
I invited sassy to stay and post here, and saying that there are plenty of people right here who have been in similar shoes who could understand, and share with her. We talk about the pain of erotic transference constantly on this forum. Just read the archives. How is that tearing you down??
I hope you both find support and healing, where ever that can be found.
bay
Posted by Lauren0722 on October 29, 2009, at 8:05:14
In reply to Re: If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T., posted by emmanuel98 on October 28, 2009, at 19:36:05
I think we seek all stories - the erotic ones are the most troublesome ones I think because the sexual factor is more at play - but when you describe counting days in between appts and such, yes, I do this too, and these are the feelings and stories I am looking for - as I tried to impart and it is hard to do online here, I think there are so many levels of love, engagement, connection, deeply missing them and for all sorts of reasons. I do think your story could help someone who is experiencing the same things even if it had nothing to do with sex - I want to know if you discussed it with your T, how did they react? does the topic continue to come up? can you see a day without them in some way not in your life?
so yes, my interest in your story is there and I would welcome you to contact me thru email (lauren0722@yahoo.com) or thru our website which has a contact form on it as well:
www.inlovewithyourtherapist.com
As I did with the man I spoke to this week, we could simply email each other the best day and time for us to talk, to find out what brought you to therapy, what feelings developed, how long you have been going, things of that nature and it is really up to you to stay anonymous or not........I know that I will never use any real therapist name in my research or the book because I think that these are simply people in a tough profession who are bound to feel connection to their clients and they are held to such high standards that any little blip that even remotely appears wrong, could hurt their career - for instance, the chapter for my story will be called "Lauren's Story" - my therapists name will never be mentioned, where I live in America will not be disclosed, nothing to connect the dots - the only thing I am after are the honest stories with the honest feelings.
I do hope to hear from you and if not, wish you the best in your journey with therapy.
Lauren
> I'm not sure what you're looking for. Doesn't everyone have personal/romantic feelings about their T? Isn't that the nature of therapy? Or are you talking about erotic feelings? Or boundary-crossings? I'm unclear on this.
>
> I love my T. For the first few years of therapy, I counted the days between appointments like a child awaiting Christmas morning. I sat and cried in his office and told him how much I loved him. But it wasn't romantic love or erotic love. I loved him the way a child loves a good parent. I got a lot of help from guidetopsychology.com when I was really in the throes of this.
> Is this the kind of story you're looking for?
Posted by Lauren0722 on October 29, 2009, at 8:11:43
In reply to Re: If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T. » Lauren0722, posted by BayLeaf on October 28, 2009, at 20:15:50
It is so transparent how you are I feel bad for you - you miss the point entirely of the entire post I put out there.
There are judgements and nay-sayers and I have rec'd private emails to your replies to this thread agreeing with me.
I don't want to make enemies here - I simply am seeking stories as a way to help myself and others in a journey while in therapy that can lead you down a path full of love, be it right or wrong.
When people fixate on just one or two or a few words and overlook the entire meaning of something being imparted, there is a shallowness in that, a fear maybe - look beyond those words and see that you are essentially poo pooing someone trying to help others by breaking a taboo subject, bringing it to light and actually talking about it in honest terms.
If you were offended and apparently so easy to come after someone for a few words out of many words posted, I apologize and I hope you will take a breath and see that the intention my co-author and I have are only in the best interest of those who are in the same boat we are in.
Best of luck to you.
Lauren
> Huh? tearing you down? cutting? rude?
>
> I invited sassy to stay and post here, and saying that there are plenty of people right here who have been in similar shoes who could understand, and share with her. We talk about the pain of erotic transference constantly on this forum. Just read the archives. How is that tearing you down??
>
> I hope you both find support and healing, where ever that can be found.
>
> bay
Posted by duds on November 10, 2009, at 11:26:10
In reply to Re: If You Have Personal/Romantic Feelings for your T., posted by Lauren0722 on October 29, 2009, at 8:11:43
If I may-I understand the feelings that people are talking about. I don't have the courage now to bring it up with my T, but I do know the reason I feel this way is largely due in part to the therapeutic relationship.
I am lonely. I dont have anyone in my life to love romantically. Ive been this way for quite some time. The only reason Im afraid to tell my T is because I dont want to be shuffled off to a different T.
The odds of reciprocation are extremely low, and as much as I think Id like it to happen I can see the pitfalls ahead.
My goal is to find someone who I can love and who can love me back. I dont want to be attached to my T. I want to move on with my life.
Feeling this intensely is great at times, but mostly its a hindrance. I will get through this and I will move on.
This is the end of the thread.
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