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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on May 2, 2009, at 20:51:13
So... I've been having a rough time the past couple weeks. I've been having trouble sleeping - I can nap during the day, but at night I either get really triggered right before I fall asleep or I wake up early and can't fall back asleep again. I'm under tremendous pressure at the moment with searching for a job and finishing up grad school, and I think it's caused my PTSD symptoms to come back full force. I had T on Friday and we talked about how I project a lot of my wants for a better mother onto him. He's not judgmental about it at all, and I actually asked him how that was possible, and his answer just made me so warm.
I don't remember much else about the session, though, which is weird for me. I remember feeling sad and that we talked about my grieving what I have lost in my childhood and not having a good mother. But I don't remember much else. And then last night when I was trying to sleep I had this overwhelming sense of panic and just started crying.
I've been wanting to call my T so badly, but I don't know why. I fear it's more projection and transference, and I don't want to call if that's what it is. I just want to know he's there. It's not anything specific, it's just hating how stressed and sad I feel and wanting him to reassure me. I try not to call unless it's something specific, but it's so hard. I've only called a few times in the past few months, and have only asked for a call back twice. I hope that's not too much...
Uggh... I get so wrapped up in the transference and it's hard to separate what is transference and what is actually my feelings towards my T. And I feel like I need to separate that out because I need to clarify what it is I need to grieve about my mother. I wish I could just get everything straight in my head.
I'm just so sad and so confused and mixed up lately. I want comfort and reassurance. I'm sorry for bothering you guys, I just don't know if maybe someone else can give me some insight. I feel so lost in all this sometimes. And I don't WANT to parent myself. It's not fair, I shouldn't have to!! Ick.
sunnydays
Posted by Zana on May 3, 2009, at 11:19:11
In reply to grieving and been wanting to call T, posted by sunnydays on May 2, 2009, at 20:51:13
No you shouldn't have to parent yourself. I don't know how your T feels about calls. Can you feel connected to him by reflecting on his warmth and reaponsiveness?
You are supposed to project your feelings onto your therapist and to have transference. If you didn't transfer your feelings onto him there would be no way for the therapy to happen, no way for you to work through your feelings. It's kind of the medium through which the therapy works. But I know it can be hard to have both "real" feelings of warmth and connection and old feelings from childhood. You don't really need to sort them out. Just let him know about all of them and let him respond. Sounds like you trust him to be warm and careful of your feelings. So let yourself be vulnerable. Let him parent you. I think that's what you want and what needs to happen.
Losing sleep is a terrible stressor. Are you on any meds?
I think it would probably be OK to leave a message just saying that you have been feeling overwhelmed and panicked and that you can talk about it when you see him. That might help, just to know that he knows what you are struggling with.
Hope you get some sleep. Don't know what the PTSD us about but that sounds like the source of the kind of unraveled feeling you are having. I assume it's something you are working on with your T.
Take care of yourself.
Zana
Posted by no_rose_garden on May 3, 2009, at 13:41:42
In reply to Re: grieving and been wanting to call T, posted by Zana on May 3, 2009, at 11:19:11
Have you talked to T about calling? I was scared that I might call "too much" so I asked if I could call every day...and he said that it would be ok, but we might have to set some boundaries if that happened.
Anyway, I probably call T at least 1x a week right now. I need him a lot. It sounds like you do too. And if it would help you even to call and leave a message I think it would be ok. Sometimes I feel better just letting T know I'm having troubles.
Good luck ((((sunnydays))))
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2009, at 14:10:14
In reply to grieving and been wanting to call T, posted by sunnydays on May 2, 2009, at 20:51:13
If your therapist is ok with your calling, and you feel you need to call, I'd say go ahead and call. You have a lot going on right now, and if checking in with him for a short bit helps, and he's ok with it, I don't see why you shouldn't.
My therapist has been fussing at me for not calling lately, when I say that something happened and I really felt like I needed him.
What does your therapist say about it?
Posted by sassyfrancesca on May 4, 2009, at 12:18:29
In reply to grieving and been wanting to call T, posted by sunnydays on May 2, 2009, at 20:51:13
I would call your t; that is what he/she is there for, right? Support......
Feelings are feelings....calling them by other names (transference, etc) isn't necessary. Feelings just are.....feelings. No need to twist yourself in knots, sweetie.
My mother was very abusive; I had to realize she could never be what I wanted, so I processed the garbage, and made my friends my family.
As humans, we all have needs and wants, and when they aren't fulfilled we suffer. But..there are ways to get our needs met by other people.
Hugs n Love, Sassy
P.S. "Comfort and reassurance....." You have us, but you also have a t for that. Call him! Suffering in silence isn't good.
This is the end of the thread.
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