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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 7 to 31 of 31. Go back in thread:
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 14:24:19
In reply to Re: oh crap » Partlycloudy, posted by Racer on December 17, 2008, at 14:19:56
> I'm very sorry you're going through such a painful time. I sincerely hope that you make your way through it and find the peace and comfort you deserve.
What is this?
Posted by LadyBug on December 17, 2008, at 14:34:03
In reply to oh crap, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 11:29:56
I hope you are feeling better really soon. Stay under your rock until you feel like getting up and going again. It will come. Pain does pass, it's just getting through it that is totally no fun.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 15:11:23
In reply to Re: oh crap » Racer, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 14:24:19
Try posting something.
Posted by muffled on December 17, 2008, at 16:04:23
In reply to Re: oh crap, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 15:11:23
I send best thots to you.
M
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 16:21:37
In reply to You OK? » Partlycloudy, posted by muffled on December 17, 2008, at 16:04:23
None of my thots are good right now, but thanks.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 16:35:41
In reply to You OK? » Partlycloudy, posted by muffled on December 17, 2008, at 16:04:23
> I send best thots to you.
> MAh - this is a push me pull you. Racer trying to push something outta me, I trying to pull something outta her.
Good luck.
I'm not playing, not enough energy.
pc
Posted by rskontos on December 17, 2008, at 18:19:46
In reply to oh crap, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 11:29:56
Sorry so PC.
Don't hate on yourself. i do know that is so easy to do.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 17, 2008, at 18:28:32
In reply to Re: You OK? » muffled, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 16:35:41
PC,
I hear your pain. Do you want to engage? Is that what I am hearing.
It is i think and maybe I am off base. But it sounds like you are projecting to get a reaction.
It seems right now everything in your world is off based, especially yourself. And right nothing will be right. and for a while it will stink. Because at the bottom of the pit most things do stink. But remember once you hit that bottom, up is the only way to go.
I remember being at the bottom. Right now I am only about halfway there. Not at the bottom. So I would give you a hand to pull you up, but I speculate that right about now, you would refuse to take it. But that is ok. Wallow, bang about, spit, cuss, and stomp your feet if that is what it takes to make yourself feel better. Personally I enjoy a good whine here and there.
I can whine so much I can't stand myself. And eventually I feel better.
So if you need a break (from Babble) take it. I understand I think in my own muddled way, what happened here. It will pass all things do eventually.
And you will be ok. I think so. I hope so and i need it to be so.
and as far as being depressed, I personally think you have to ride it out, like Ride Sally Ride.
take care my friend,
rsk
ps if I am a rambling and a babbling, then tell me to go jump in a lake and I will be fine. I mean well and care that is all. No offense to anyone was meant in this posting.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 18, 2008, at 6:06:37
In reply to Re: You OK? » Partlycloudy, posted by rskontos on December 17, 2008, at 18:28:32
you're not a bad person because you couldn't make it through a support group.
What a nasty surprise- you thought you might go and feel a little better, or at least pass the time "productively" and you end up feeling totally vulnerable and rotten.
You are a good person, and maybe you don't feel like it, or you don't feel like acting "good" or whatever, but that's who you are.
please take care,
-Ll
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 18, 2008, at 10:11:47
In reply to Re: You OK? » Partlycloudy, posted by rskontos on December 17, 2008, at 18:28:32
No need to jump in any lake!
I am being triggered and triggered and triggered. This PTSD is full blown and everything is injuring me. Feeling the full brunt of trauma after submerging it for 35 years is so painful. I want to sleep, but I can't. I want to relax, but I can't. I want to read, to distract myself, but I'm my own ghost, it's with me every moment of my days and then following me into my sleep.
There's no turning back. What I wouldn't give of my ignorance of just a few months ago.
And I do keep getting myself in trouble here, so I thought I should limit my participation on the boards, but I'm starved without them.
Torture.
Posted by rskontos on December 18, 2008, at 11:53:40
In reply to Re: You OK? » rskontos, posted by Partlycloudy on December 18, 2008, at 10:11:47
I understand so well. That PTSD thing is a b*tch. Vent and I think we can try to help you not get into trouble too much.
I understand only too well.
I told my t the other day, I wasn't afraid of the past as much as I was afraid of myself knowing the past. Make sense?
I because of the severe dissociation only have the physical memory right now. The visual are still with my fragments selves. And I told my t that might be good thing.
So I so related to your pain. I was flashingback to faces and situations I just did not know what was going on or who what or where but my body felt it. I just might have been too young to piece it too together and it blew my mind.
And hubbies can't help.
And to a certain extent the T can just be there with you. You have to try to keep telling yourself that the pain isn't the same, you are not being hurt the same, you are just remembering it in order to free yourself. Tell yourself this over and over and over and over again. And at some point somewhere deep inside it might click. And try to find something, classic music, a beautiful picture, a naughty movie, a funny movie, to watch to redirect your thoughts for a while to give you a break.
Now if you promise not to laugh I will tell you what I watched and why.
I watched the entire series of Angel. The vampire. Because to me, he represented power. He could not be killed or hurt. He could I mean by sunlight, and a wooden stake, but he had lots of power, but he wasn't evil. I liked that he had power and not many could hurt him but he went out and tried to stop the evil in the world. I watched that entire series. And when it ended I wasn't done with Angel so I wanted Buffy. But she did not do it for me like Angel I mainly watched it to see Angel.
But watching Angel, got the images out of my mind. Stopped the voices, let me and my mind relax. It took me out of me. and my head. Now Angel might not do it for you. I also watched Charmed. for the same reason. Those witches, the Charmed ones had power. Power over others but used it for good. Both angel and the charmed ones struggled but in the end they used power for good. i wanted power. I wanted to make sure no one hurt me and no one else.
I don't watch them now. They helped me slow down the flashbacks. They helped me at home while I established a working relationship with my t, and until I could handle what was going on.
And then I took stuff at night to silence everything. I found what worked for me. I want you to try to find what works for you. And just so you know there were days I watched ALL DAY. It was what I needed to do. I will help you find what you need.
My sister is using Sex and the City DVD. Whatever you can relate to. I say.
I still have to take stuff to sleep. Because I dream bad stuff. But I am slowly talking to T. It will get better but all in good time.
Do what you have to survive. because that is what you are.
A survivor. Never forget that.You survive it 35 years ago and you can survive it now.
We are here to help.
Take care and you have my number. that is cybernumber so to speak. Always here and a strong shoulder to be had.
rsk
Posted by Sigismund on December 18, 2008, at 15:19:53
In reply to Re: You OK? » rskontos, posted by Partlycloudy on December 18, 2008, at 10:11:47
You would know this?
When I read it 35 years ago, I wept with gratitude, sitting at a desk that had a helpful 'slit your wrists' written in biro on the wood .
From, of course,
The Wasteland
Here is no water but only rock
Rock and no water and the sandy road
The road winding above among the mountains
Which are mountains of rock without water
If there were water we should stop and drink
Amongst the rock one cannot stop or think
Sweat is dry and feet are in the sand
If there were only water amongst the rock
Dead mountain mouth of carious teeth that cannot spit
Here one can neither stand nor lie nor sit
There is not even silence in the mountains
But dry sterile thunder without rain
There is not even solitude in the mountains
But red sullen faces sneer and snarl
From doors of mudcracked houses
If there were water
And no rock
If there were rock
And also water
And water
A spring
A pool among the rock
If there were the sound of water only
Not the cicada
And dry grass singing
But sound of water over a rock
Where the hermit-thrush sings in the pine trees
Drip drop drip drop drop drop drop
But there is no waterHe read it to the Royal Family during the war to give the Princesses some education.
The Queen mother said later
'Such an embarrassment. No one had any idea what he was talking about.'
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 18, 2008, at 16:19:34
In reply to Re: You OK? » Partlycloudy, posted by Sigismund on December 18, 2008, at 15:19:53
Beautiful.
I broke my front tooth off last night trying to get up off the setee to answer the phone. I missed the call, did a face plant on to the floor, now have carpet burns on my face (that's NOT where they are supposed to be, are they?). I am not going to keep taking Klonopin - it makes me into more of a clutz than usual. Too expensive (my dental bill!!!).
I liked that poem.
pc
Posted by obsidian on December 18, 2008, at 22:49:27
In reply to Re: You OK? » Sigismund, posted by Partlycloudy on December 18, 2008, at 16:19:34
hey,
I'm not up on all the posts going around...been pretty busy..I read enough to know you aren't feeling well though :-(.
I'm sorry to see that you aren't feeling well...I appreciate you very much.
may things go better soon,
sid
Posted by Tabitha on December 19, 2008, at 1:38:46
In reply to oh crap, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 11:29:56
You seem so down lately PC. I hope it will pass soon. I have the holiday crazies lately myself.
Posted by fayeroe on December 20, 2008, at 16:43:40
In reply to Re: oh crap » Racer, posted by Partlycloudy on December 17, 2008, at 14:24:19
I can only imagine that it is a line from an old movie...what you think? xoxoxo :-)
Posted by fayeroe on December 20, 2008, at 16:52:55
In reply to Re: You OK? » rskontos, posted by Partlycloudy on December 18, 2008, at 10:11:47
> No need to jump in any lake!
>
> I am being triggered and triggered and triggered. This PTSD is full blown and everything is injuring me. Feeling the full brunt of trauma after submerging it for 35 years is so painful.PC, I did it for 35 also. I'll never forget the day I figured it all out. I'm with you here.
I want to sleep, but I can't. I want to relax, but I can't. I want to read, to distract myself, but I'm my own ghost, it's with me every moment of my days and then following me into my sleep.
Anything to get our minds off of the past. Anything. I understand.
>
> There's no turning back. What I wouldn't give of my ignorance of just a few months ago.Yup. The day it hit me was 25 years ago and I still feel the blow to the gut. We can't be ignorant, even as much as we would like to, because not getting it out into the light means we won't get anything done about the pain.
>
> And I do keep getting myself in trouble here, so I thought I should limit my participation on the boards, but I'm starved without them.You know what? I would quit worrying about getting into trouble here, PC. This is a freaking mental health support forum and you belong here. Maybe some other adjustments need to be made. You leaving is not one of them.
>
> Torture.Pat...xoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxxoooooooo
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 20, 2008, at 17:00:16
In reply to Re: You OK?, posted by fayeroe on December 20, 2008, at 16:52:55
Just what I needed to read this evening, thank you.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 20, 2008, at 17:01:08
In reply to Re: oh crap, posted by fayeroe on December 20, 2008, at 16:43:40
> I can only imagine that it is a line from an old movie...what you think? xoxoxo :-)
That's a good guess.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 20, 2008, at 17:24:59
In reply to Re: You OK? » fayeroe, posted by Partlycloudy on December 20, 2008, at 17:00:16
Ja,
I gotta second pharaoh,
You belong here.wait, that sounds like an ?accusation?
or something.
you leaving is not an appropriate adjustment.
((((pc))))
thanks for being you. 35 years is a long time. Now that this is coming to light, it's like metabolizing some horrid toxin. Hard to believe it, but you might feel somewhat better after you drink the charcoal smoothie and let it pass through your system. What's worse- the poison or the cure? Sometimes I dunno
-Ll
(((((((Pharaoh)))))))) so nice to see you around these here parts.
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 20, 2008, at 18:05:30
In reply to Re: You OK? » Partlycloudy, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 20, 2008, at 17:24:59
Yeah, I keep hearing that it took 35 years for me to fully recall what happened because that when I was finally prepared to process it. (It sure doesn't feel that way right now, yowza!) But I know my head and body were doing me a favor of some kind for those years; and that I have a caring community of healthcare professionals working in concert for my best wellbeing that I've ever before experienced in my lifetime. That just astounds me - that this timing really IS so right that I have all these wonderful people helping me.
STILL.
Going through this right now, being trigger-happy with the trauma crap (more like very unhappy), being unsure of what I face every day, and then not being able to rely on my handful of chemicals I swallow each day and night, well, that's not something I counted on. The see-saw is pretty much unbalanced.
And Christmas, well, I could well do with that taking a delay of about a month of two. I actually managed to do the shopping (commerce trumps!) but the card thing, well, that was abandoned.
And I officially am not cooking any food at the moment. Everything comes out of the freezer and goes into the microwave. Husband, who is used to my proficiency in the kitchen, is appalled. This man actually CAN'T boil water. ("Is this enough? Too much? Not enough?") So it's not like I can leave him to produce an edible meal without being his sous chef. And frankly, I'm not interested in eating, nothing tastes good. So the freezer stuff is just about right for me. I can take it or leave it.
I can still make a cuppa tea, though. Tea still helps.
Anyways, done blathering for now.
Posted by Racer on December 20, 2008, at 18:48:58
In reply to Re: oh crap » fayeroe, posted by Partlycloudy on December 20, 2008, at 17:01:08
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 20, 2008, at 21:32:52
In reply to Or it could simply be taken at face value (nm) » Partlycloudy, posted by Racer on December 20, 2008, at 18:48:58
...for having received a private email dismissing me as friend not 3 days prior. I was left confused and suspicious. Paranoia is not (yet) one of my symptoms.
Posted by Deputy 10derHeart on December 21, 2008, at 3:50:06
In reply to It could have if not » Racer, posted by Partlycloudy on December 20, 2008, at 21:32:52
>...received a private email dismissing me as friend...
...by not disclosing information concerning private communications with other posters without their permission.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternate ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow ups regarding these issues should be directed to Admin, and should of course, be civil. Dr. Bob has oversight over deputy decisions, and he may choose a different action.
--10derHeart, acting as deputy for Dr. Bob
Posted by Partlycloudy on December 21, 2008, at 6:45:34
In reply to Please follow site guidelines... » Partlycloudy, posted by Deputy 10derHeart on December 21, 2008, at 3:50:06
This is the end of the thread.
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