Posted by rskontos on December 18, 2008, at 11:53:40
In reply to Re: You OK? » rskontos, posted by Partlycloudy on December 18, 2008, at 10:11:47
I understand so well. That PTSD thing is a b*tch. Vent and I think we can try to help you not get into trouble too much.
I understand only too well.
I told my t the other day, I wasn't afraid of the past as much as I was afraid of myself knowing the past. Make sense?
I because of the severe dissociation only have the physical memory right now. The visual are still with my fragments selves. And I told my t that might be good thing.
So I so related to your pain. I was flashingback to faces and situations I just did not know what was going on or who what or where but my body felt it. I just might have been too young to piece it too together and it blew my mind.
And hubbies can't help.
And to a certain extent the T can just be there with you. You have to try to keep telling yourself that the pain isn't the same, you are not being hurt the same, you are just remembering it in order to free yourself. Tell yourself this over and over and over and over again. And at some point somewhere deep inside it might click. And try to find something, classic music, a beautiful picture, a naughty movie, a funny movie, to watch to redirect your thoughts for a while to give you a break.
Now if you promise not to laugh I will tell you what I watched and why.
I watched the entire series of Angel. The vampire. Because to me, he represented power. He could not be killed or hurt. He could I mean by sunlight, and a wooden stake, but he had lots of power, but he wasn't evil. I liked that he had power and not many could hurt him but he went out and tried to stop the evil in the world. I watched that entire series. And when it ended I wasn't done with Angel so I wanted Buffy. But she did not do it for me like Angel I mainly watched it to see Angel.
But watching Angel, got the images out of my mind. Stopped the voices, let me and my mind relax. It took me out of me. and my head. Now Angel might not do it for you. I also watched Charmed. for the same reason. Those witches, the Charmed ones had power. Power over others but used it for good. Both angel and the charmed ones struggled but in the end they used power for good. i wanted power. I wanted to make sure no one hurt me and no one else.
I don't watch them now. They helped me slow down the flashbacks. They helped me at home while I established a working relationship with my t, and until I could handle what was going on.
And then I took stuff at night to silence everything. I found what worked for me. I want you to try to find what works for you. And just so you know there were days I watched ALL DAY. It was what I needed to do. I will help you find what you need.
My sister is using Sex and the City DVD. Whatever you can relate to. I say.
I still have to take stuff to sleep. Because I dream bad stuff. But I am slowly talking to T. It will get better but all in good time.
Do what you have to survive. because that is what you are.
A survivor. Never forget that.You survive it 35 years ago and you can survive it now.
We are here to help.
Take care and you have my number. that is cybernumber so to speak. Always here and a strong shoulder to be had.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:869228
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/869425.html