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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by seldomseen on December 17, 2008, at 16:37:26
I just hate I get mad at him so much.
We've been talking and have identified why I get so mad at him
I think we are finally dealing with all these attachment fears and desires that I have for him.
It's tough stuff. Tough tough stuff.
The more I come to care for him, the scarier it gets for me, the more likely I am to get angry and hide.
He says it's so sad that the thing I seem to want the most, I am the most afraid of. I am truly afraid that he is just going to take it all away.
He then got very angry at my parents and suggested that I give them switches for Christmas. We both laughed. But deep down I appreciate his anger a lot.
I also appreciate the he is able to absorb whatever I seem to bring to therapy on any given day, whether it be rage, abject begging him not to leave me, or the desire to move in to his office. He seems to take it all in stride and understands that I'm working this out.
It's odd, but I am simultaneously as scared AND as well as I've ever been.
Ah therapy.
Seldom.
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2008, at 17:03:43
In reply to Good lord I have the best therapist, posted by seldomseen on December 17, 2008, at 16:37:26
> I also appreciate the he is able to absorb whatever I seem to bring to therapy on any given day, whether it be rage, abject begging him not to leave me, or the desire to move in to his office. He seems to take it all in stride and understands that I'm working this out.
:-)
That's my therapist too.
I'm glad you two are working things through together.
Posted by rskontos on December 17, 2008, at 18:18:34
In reply to Good lord I have the best therapist, posted by seldomseen on December 17, 2008, at 16:37:26
Seldom,
I am thrilled for you to have such a great relationship.
I am sorry though for all that you must deal with L :(
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on December 18, 2008, at 13:20:24
In reply to Re: Good lord I have the best therapist » seldomseen, posted by rskontos on December 17, 2008, at 18:18:34
Seldom I feel your're lucky too can I borrow yours? Love Phillipa
Posted by seldomseen on December 18, 2008, at 17:45:47
In reply to Re: Good lord I have the best therapist, posted by Dinah on December 17, 2008, at 17:03:43
Yeah, he knows most of the work is mine to do and lets me figure it out. It's the only way I'll ever come to peace with any relationship I chose to have.
I've got to be able to form stable attachments. I got really cheated on the attachment end as a child. So here we are. It's hard, but good work.
All diagnosis, abuse, medication aside - I think we've finally reached the heart of my therapy.
He's a gem.
Seldom.
Posted by seldomseen on December 18, 2008, at 17:49:14
In reply to Re: Good lord I have the best therapist » seldomseen, posted by rskontos on December 17, 2008, at 18:18:34
thank you for your post rsk.
Please don't worry about all I'm going through - remember this is work I chose to do, work that I am willing to do.
It's alright. I'm just grateful that I have him (and babble) and have stuck it out long enough to get to this work.
Posted by seldomseen on December 18, 2008, at 17:55:20
In reply to Re: Good lord I have the best therapist, posted by Phillipa on December 18, 2008, at 13:20:24
well, I'll tell you Phillipa, it has been a bumpy road and has taken years to get where I am right now.
I've done a lot of really hard work, struggled a lot, cried buckets. I can not tell you how hurtful this process has been at times.
I'm not really sure it's luck at all.
There is a chinese (I think) saying that goes "when the student is ready, the master will appear".
I've often wondered if it could have been anyone sitting in that chair. I'll never be able to answer that.
Seldom.
Posted by muffled on December 18, 2008, at 20:48:16
In reply to Good lord I have the best therapist, posted by seldomseen on December 17, 2008, at 16:37:26
Your T sounds wonderful and it is scarey.
I trying like hell not to give a crap bout my T.
With my old T, she used to say I'd get closer, then freak out and run away. I'd do it over and over. Predictable pattern.
I think I in the get the f away mode w/my present T.
Its good to hear you are making progress.
I'm THRILLED you feel so well :-) :-) :-) !!!!
Its real real hard this thing of allow attach.
Scares the utter living daylights out of me.
I will note with interest how you progress with this.
If I can remeber who is who and what is what.
I have the worlds worst memory.
I am happy for you :-)
M
Posted by seldomseen on December 19, 2008, at 5:24:53
In reply to Re: Good lord I have the best therapist » seldomseen, posted by muffled on December 18, 2008, at 20:48:16
I've always been a runner. Looking for any reason in fact, I would keep mental lists of reasons to bolt. When the initmacy got to be just too painful, I would pull out the list, get angry and leave.
I could never figure out why I did that, much less why I would get so very very angry with my T, who is a very benign, if not outright helpful, presence in my life.
One day I came to therapy and the door was locked. I was locked out.
Of course he showed up (on time I might add), but I was scared to death, mad and really upset. I realized that my reaction to that event pretty much typified my fear. I get afraid that people will just take their caring away, so I beat them to it.
It was a landmark therapy day, but of course it took weeks for me to make the connection.
Right now, I want to move into my therapist's office and keep him really really close, in order to monitor and detect any signs he may have of leaving. But there is also a marked amount of security there.
It's ridiculous of course, but really no more ridiculous than hating him because I care about him.
I'm sure things will settle out as I process the fact that he's not going to "pull the rug out from under me". I don't quite trust that, but I'm getting better.
Seldom
This is the end of the thread.
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