Posted by seldomseen on December 19, 2008, at 5:24:53
In reply to Re: Good lord I have the best therapist » seldomseen, posted by muffled on December 18, 2008, at 20:48:16
I've always been a runner. Looking for any reason in fact, I would keep mental lists of reasons to bolt. When the initmacy got to be just too painful, I would pull out the list, get angry and leave.
I could never figure out why I did that, much less why I would get so very very angry with my T, who is a very benign, if not outright helpful, presence in my life.
One day I came to therapy and the door was locked. I was locked out.
Of course he showed up (on time I might add), but I was scared to death, mad and really upset. I realized that my reaction to that event pretty much typified my fear. I get afraid that people will just take their caring away, so I beat them to it.
It was a landmark therapy day, but of course it took weeks for me to make the connection.
Right now, I want to move into my therapist's office and keep him really really close, in order to monitor and detect any signs he may have of leaving. But there is also a marked amount of security there.
It's ridiculous of course, but really no more ridiculous than hating him because I care about him.
I'm sure things will settle out as I process the fact that he's not going to "pull the rug out from under me". I don't quite trust that, but I'm getting better.
Seldom
poster:seldomseen
thread:869307
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/869585.html