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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 17, 2008, at 7:43:30
Hello,
I'm so glad this board exists.Who else in this world would understand how relieved I am that I've decelerated my hypomania. Who else would understand the discomfort posed by wondering "who the hell am I and why did I just do that reckless thing??"
I think the abilify is doing the trick. I am enjoying lying in bed with a calm mind and body, rather than a twitchy feeling of the last 5 seconds before piloting a drag race. ready set... SLEEP! nope. that does NOT work very well.
Anyhow, I have been thinking clearer than usual, and not reacting out of some strange place where llurpsie's usual poise and sense (YES- I *DO* have some sense, at least I have a sense that I have sense!) disappear into some ethereal vapor, and instead actually thinking carefully about my plan of action in complex situations.
Well, if I have offended any of you on my recklessness spree, (perhaps over the last 4 weeks or so?) I am sorry. Perhaps I was irritating, but that I do not apologize for. But offensive- that was never my style.
In the spirit of analysing current qualms relative to our families of origin, I suppose the hypomanic reaction to stress comes from the same place that dissociation comes from. It's a dissociation between affect and reality, a counterphobic reaction. Perhaps (yes!) I have felt this way before, I just didn't have a name for it. It's probably the reason why I would engage in shopping sprees, or plot ruthless toilet paper attacks. (I never carried these out. oh wait. there was ONE time...). Maybe why I was characterized as the one with the perpetually sunny mood. Maybe it wasn't a conscious act, but rather an unconscious reaction to something too abominable to tolerate with appropriate affect.
There's an awful lot of talk about how depression and such relates to early history. But I wonder why mania (or hypomania) is typically thought of as an abnormal *brain* function. What is the psychological purpose of the other pole of the bipolar spectrum. What function does it serve?
just a few musings. Thanks for putting up with me. I think I will pose the last question to the /medication/ board as well.
ta ta
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 17, 2008, at 7:49:02
In reply to deceleration, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 17, 2008, at 7:43:30
just a link to the thread I started on /medication/
re: the psychological function of hypo-/mania
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081214/msgs/869216.html
wouldn't it be cool if we could talk about this stuff (could this be another one of my goofy ideas? oh well, whatever)
Maybe one of the worst things about this most recent phase is that I am left second-guessing every move I make - is that REALLY how I want to behave, or is it some exaggerated hypomanic response? Will I regret this later?
sigh
-Ll
Posted by Phillipa on December 17, 2008, at 13:25:04
In reply to Re: deceleration » llurpsienoodle, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 17, 2008, at 7:49:02
If anyone can figure out hypomania it will be you. It sounds good but never had it. So I guess I don't want it? Thought it was lots of energy till mania? Guess I'm wrong. Love Phillipa
Posted by muffled on December 17, 2008, at 16:06:37
In reply to Re: deceleration » llurpsienoodle, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 17, 2008, at 7:49:02
Posted by B2chica on December 18, 2008, at 9:12:07
In reply to deceleration, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 17, 2008, at 7:43:30
we must be in sync Ll, as i'm hypomanic right now...well just saw pdoc tuesday. HE says hypomanic, i say hyperfunctioning! :)
i'm not dysphoric, i'm not paranoid, no psychosis...just plain happy. have energy. granted i'm not sleeping much these days. but i kinda like the shows on late at night so what's it hurting!!!!i'm SO SICK of being freggin depressed this is SUCH a welcome reprieve i'm going to ride it out and JUST enjoy it.
now i have become a bit irritible on a day or so, so i do need to monitor that. BUT otherwise i'm going to just enjoy it.
YOU TOTALLY deserve this too. so don't worry too much and just enjoy the reprieve! k?!
b2c.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 19, 2008, at 10:43:38
In reply to Re: deceleration » llurpsienoodle, posted by B2chica on December 18, 2008, at 9:12:07
> we must be in sync Ll, as i'm hypomanic right now...well just saw pdoc tuesday. HE says hypomanic, i say hyperfunctioning! :)
Yeah, it's a fine line. I was functioning really well too. Able to work long hours, in good spirits, etc.
> i'm not dysphoric, i'm not paranoid, no psychosis...just plain happy. have energy. granted i'm not sleeping much these days. but i kinda like the shows on late at night so what's it hurting!!!!
I was waking early. What a pain the the patootie. Having to stay quiet so that H could get his beauty rest.
>
> i'm SO SICK of being freggin depressed this is SUCH a welcome reprieve i'm going to ride it out and JUST enjoy it.
>
Well, take care to notice and track this very carefully.> now i have become a bit irritible on a day or so, so i do need to monitor that. BUT otherwise i'm going to just enjoy it.
>
> YOU TOTALLY deserve this too. so don't worry too much and just enjoy the reprieve! k?!
>
> b2c.Well, it was starting to affect my school work a little bit. I was saying things that were uncharacteristically reckless. Too honest, too off the wall, too specific, too fast, leaping over necessary logical arguments to arrive at a non-sequiter, and my classmates would all look at me and either lol, or have this surprised look on their faces.
I was worried about making poor decisions, like blowing off committments, not taking enough time to get my work done, and other stoopid things. Being grumpy and short with my h.
So, I didn't want things to go downhill from there. Specifically, I didn't want to relapse into panicked anxiety with agitation. That's NOT a nice place to be.
Feeling better since the abilify. One side effect that is troubling is the utter lack of coordination when I'm on my feet. If I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I cannot make my way in a straight line. I end up kicking the door, listing 30 degrees to the side and missing (almost!) the toilet seat when I try to sit down on it. It's a little better during the day. But I work with kids, and you know that when you're interacting with a little one, you're on the floor-running-bending over-running-on the floor- hands and knees, picking up kid, etc.
My transitions are not so smooth.
Well, that's my little story. T noticed that I was speedy and worried that I was on the "up & up"
so, I guess I will try to stop this train before it jumps the track. so far so good.
-Ll
This is the end of the thread.
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