Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 17, 2008, at 7:43:30
Hello,
I'm so glad this board exists.Who else in this world would understand how relieved I am that I've decelerated my hypomania. Who else would understand the discomfort posed by wondering "who the hell am I and why did I just do that reckless thing??"
I think the abilify is doing the trick. I am enjoying lying in bed with a calm mind and body, rather than a twitchy feeling of the last 5 seconds before piloting a drag race. ready set... SLEEP! nope. that does NOT work very well.
Anyhow, I have been thinking clearer than usual, and not reacting out of some strange place where llurpsie's usual poise and sense (YES- I *DO* have some sense, at least I have a sense that I have sense!) disappear into some ethereal vapor, and instead actually thinking carefully about my plan of action in complex situations.
Well, if I have offended any of you on my recklessness spree, (perhaps over the last 4 weeks or so?) I am sorry. Perhaps I was irritating, but that I do not apologize for. But offensive- that was never my style.
In the spirit of analysing current qualms relative to our families of origin, I suppose the hypomanic reaction to stress comes from the same place that dissociation comes from. It's a dissociation between affect and reality, a counterphobic reaction. Perhaps (yes!) I have felt this way before, I just didn't have a name for it. It's probably the reason why I would engage in shopping sprees, or plot ruthless toilet paper attacks. (I never carried these out. oh wait. there was ONE time...). Maybe why I was characterized as the one with the perpetually sunny mood. Maybe it wasn't a conscious act, but rather an unconscious reaction to something too abominable to tolerate with appropriate affect.
There's an awful lot of talk about how depression and such relates to early history. But I wonder why mania (or hypomania) is typically thought of as an abnormal *brain* function. What is the psychological purpose of the other pole of the bipolar spectrum. What function does it serve?
just a few musings. Thanks for putting up with me. I think I will pose the last question to the /medication/ board as well.
ta ta
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:869215
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/869215.html