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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Phillipa on December 12, 2008, at 14:25:59
In reply to DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 13:25:35
Glad to see you here and welcome to babble. Phillipa
Posted by fleeting flutterby on December 12, 2008, at 14:54:38
In reply to DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 13:25:35
> Ok so I will take your suggestion and start a new thread. I didn't even realize that those posts were a year old! LOL
> So some of you also experience dissociation, if you don't mind me asking how so? what do you do to handle it? do any of you have the DDNOS diagnosis as I do. I am also PTSD to throw that in the mix! Thanks for all of your help<<Hi sparkle,
Yea, I've been known to dissociate. I used to think I just forgot things frequently, and wondered when people would say I was with them at this place or that-- when I'd have NO recollection of it at all. kind of freaky!! then I got mad at myself for not remembering things as people would look at me with such confusion. :o( Now, after being in therapy for a while, I've been working on not getting mad at myself. I've figured out some things that cause the dissociation and have worked on that-- but-- there are still situations I haven't figured out yet.
I think PTSD goes hand in hand with dissociation. Trauma is usually the cause of dissociation-- especially while one is a child-- then the dissociaton carries on into adulthood.
so, what's your expereince with dissociation?flutterby-mandy
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 15:06:09
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders » sparklenfade2black, posted by fleeting flutterby on December 12, 2008, at 14:54:38
Hi flutterby, thanks for your response. It helps to know that others do the same thing. More than anything I have loss of time, my children say I don't act any different but I don't remember and that has driven me mad at times!
Yes, PTSD and Dissociation seem to coincide with one another. I have a history of physical and sexual abuse as a child. I'm in therapy now working through these issues but it isn't easy at all!
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 15:07:06
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders » sparklenfade2black, posted by Phillipa on December 12, 2008, at 14:25:59
Thank you Phillipa I feel welcomed here
Posted by muffled on December 12, 2008, at 15:59:24
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 15:06:09
>It helps to know that others do the same thing. More than anything I have loss of time, my children say I don't act any different but I don't remember and that has driven me mad at times!
*Do you mean DDNOS ot DDNOD, cuz I dunno what DDNOD is?
I like to say I just DD. Its is such a broad spectrum of experience.
For me I do not get so much lack of remembering, beyond my natural terrible memory. There are occasionally blank spots, but not often.
I can act quite differently in my way, and even that might not be considered a 'disorder' except for the fact, I notice it belatetedly sometimes,so I am monitoring all the time in the background, and sometimes in the past I have behaved oddly around my kids. Nothing really off the wall, but enuf, now that I have spent some time thinking on it, I understand why they react the way they do sometimes to me :-( I must have been confusing for them :-( Though they didn't know any different. But I am working on making repair and doing better than I have been with my kids.
Sometimes kids don't know if you are 'different' so much. cuz its what they are used to.
Its not like I wear hugely diff clothes, or look somehow markedly different. Its more my 'tone', attitude. Choice of words. Some parts just ignore the kids, others are very patient. Sometimes I frown hugely on swearing, sometimes I swear way too much. I walk differently too. My voice can be somewhat different, but not too hugely.
Proly more noticalble to me but not others is the noise/confusion/conflict that goes on in my head and which I call 'noise'.
So I think unless you knew what you were looking for, you would never notice.
Dissociative disordersa are commonly one where you try and hide what is going on, and hide who you are. So its not saurprizing noone notices.
I was never so shocked when I got a new T expereienced in DD, and she would notice switches, UGH!!!! and that threw me for a loop. But now I am calmer and better at hiding it from her too!!! HA!!!!! Though I don't suppose I should be trying to hide from her.
My pet name for DD is confusion diorder cuz it SO dang confusing.
Dunno if all this drivel is useful attal.
Goto go,
Nice to meet ya,
Muffled
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 16:42:46
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by muffled on December 12, 2008, at 15:59:24
I meant DDNOS hit the wrong button as I typed it. Yes, what you wrote helped alot. Helps me to understand more of why my children don't think I am different. It bugs me more than anything though not remembering things, that has been the hardest part of this whole thing. Of course I too have my past memories some of which came out due to the therapy. I also go to college and wrote a thesis on DID we had to choose a controversial subject, couldn't get much more controversial than that. I've had to write two though one for college writing and the other for advanced. My 1st one was on the death penalty which I happen to be all for!
Thank you for your honest answers and it is wonderful meeting you as well
Posted by fleeting flutterby on December 12, 2008, at 17:33:56
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 15:06:09
> Hi flutterby, thanks for your response. It helps to know that others do the same thing. More than anything I have loss of time, my children say I don't act any different but I don't remember and that has driven me mad at times!
>
> Yes, PTSD and Dissociation seem to coincide with one another. I have a history of physical and sexual abuse as a child. I'm in therapy now working through these issues but it isn't easy at all!<<
------Yes, it helps me a bit too- to read of others "forgetfulness". I don't talk about it much.... still feel so embarrassed. I have paranoia and also fear if others knew of how I lose moments, then they might take advantage of that and use it against me.... so I'm quite guarded. (not meaning here, Oh no!... I mean in my 3-D life)you said,"I don't act any different but I don't remember and that has driven me mad at times!".... OH YES! me too! exactly.
I cringe when someone is talking about when we did this or that and they ask me about it..... as I sit there with my "blank" memory..... *rolls eyes*.... I tell my husband things like-- "What? I was never there" or "You must have been with someone else-- it wasn't me".... I don't really know what he thinks of my "forgetfulness" as I stear away from talking about it.... I just say-- "Oh you know me-- the Queen of Forgetful"..... ugh.....
good to share with you,
flutterby-mandy
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 12, 2008, at 18:21:38
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders » sparklenfade2black, posted by fleeting flutterby on December 12, 2008, at 17:33:56
Forgetting to remember is very normal and typical.
Dissociation is within the realm of natural human defense mechanisms. It's just when things get start to impair life that I get worried.
Remember, it was the best solution at the time. It's all you knew how to do.
-Ll
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:36:52
In reply to DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 13:25:35
Where the heck was the other thread or am I missing something?
rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:37:51
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders » sparklenfade2black, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:36:52
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:48:16
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 16:42:46
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 18:48:51
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders » sparklenfade2black, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:36:52
LOL yes there was another thread that I began to respond to only to be made aware that the post was a year old. So they kindly suggested that I start a new thread which you see I have done.
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:53:51
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 18:48:51
I see that now that I searched around. I started a thread a little above Dissociation as I see it ( something like that, I already forgot what I called it LOL). YOu can read all about me and my particular kind. When I wrote it I was doing better, today not so good. But that is part of it isnt' it.
Anyway, welcome again. I am trying to post more. I tend to keep my cooties to myself which isn't helpful to me. I am trying to be more open. It does help.
I hide mine from my family. My Dear husband just plainly doesn't want to know what is wrong with me. He wants my t to fix me.
he tries but what can you do. So I too spend a lot of energy hiding it. Well that is ok I guess since for almost 49 years it was hidden from me too.
rsk
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 18:55:47
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders » sparklenfade2black, posted by fleeting flutterby on December 12, 2008, at 17:33:56
Yes it is much easier here to not be guarded, we can't see one another's face, probably do not reside in the same state but we know they are real people experiencing the same problems.
I am no longer married, my relationships have always been bad decisions on my part, which we are also notorius for! I have 3 wonderul children though. My therapist knows that I dissociate but she continues to work with me, at my pace. I have often stated to her though that "I feel like if I let everything out I would be unleashing pandora's box!"
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:56:33
In reply to Re: Duh, I see that now... » sparklenfade2black, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:53:51
Here is the link to me and my junk:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867558.html
if you are interested.
then if you have any questions. fire away.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:59:15
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 18:55:47
"I feel like if I let everything out I would be unleashing pandora's box!
Yep I know that one. It is like you just gotta keep it all in. Because once it is out and all the secrets are known, then what do you do.
I told my T, that I wasn't just afraid of him knowing but myself too. You know because we dissociate, we are just as much in the dark on alot of it.
Maybe sometimes I think I don't want to know all there is too know.
too dark maybe
rsk
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 19:00:18
In reply to Re: Duh, I see that now... » sparklenfade2black, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:53:51
No problem I will have to look around for your earlier posts. Thank you for helping me feel welcome here. Rest assured I am positive that you are safe here to let it all hang out, for lack of a better phrase! (LOL)
I don't know if hiding it is a good thing to do or not possibly it is in the situation with your hubby wanting to fix it.
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 19:06:45
In reply to Re: Duh, I see that now... » rskontos, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:56:33
believe it or not I read yours last night! Didn't recognize it until I began reading it again. There are a few ?'s I have for you. Are you diagnosed with DID/MPD? If so how many alters do you have? How long have you known about it? I don't want to ask anything about your abuse if you want to tell me about it I'm here if not that is ok too. You have alot of courage for posting what you posted.
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 19:09:08
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders » sparklenfade2black, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:59:15
yes you get it and you get me! I think that is just sooo cool there aren't alot of people out there who can understand and it feels good explaining and talking to someone who does! Thank you.
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 19:11:14
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 12, 2008, at 18:21:38
It does mess up my daily life now. I go through periods of time that I do not remember things for a few days and that is scary to me. I've begun doing it again more frequently lately but won't reveal it to anyone yet.
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 22:15:44
In reply to Re: Duh, I see that now..., posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 19:06:45
Yeah, I have got the DID dx. All I know about is about 5 that have surfaced. I still leave (fugue states) and come back so I don't know who is out then. I have times where things apppear like a tunnel, where reality to me seems like the world is at the end of tunnel, and my T said that was dissociation too.
The ones I do know sometimes I am co-conscious with them. My t has seen them but doesn't really interact right now with them. As he explained this last time it is still to early and the trust isn't strong enough. So he doesn't actively engage with any. When I do leave/fugue (whatever, I am still not confortable, he just calls it dissociate) he just (what he appears to be acting when I come back) is engage me like I am me. On two occasions I freaked out because I did not remember my entire session (a waste of money if you ask me). It upset me badly. I have only known about it for about 1 1/2 years. I have dissociated all my life. I lost so much time as a child, teenager, and adult (20's on). I still do. As a teenager, in school I sometimes would remember driving to school and then being at my car. I would get tests back and not remember taking them. (luckily my alter that was out was smart, I made good grades, I did have a photographic memory then). I sometimes would come back talking to people I did not know. And of course you can't say, who the heck are you. I would just try and ad lib. It freaked me out but I never acted like it. Nor did I seek help. I now thing that is strange. But then I did not think about it. My T and I talked about this. He said it was part of my survival not to question it.
And the years I lived alone during my late teens and 20 was just plain bad. I did stuff not as me that well, is alarming and makes me ashamed. I have tried to tell t, I wrote some in my journal and let him read it, but I can't talk to him yet. It is so distrubing and I usually dissociate when I talk about it. So we wait.
As far the abuse, my mother was mentally ill and my father was just neglectful. My mother was very sick, physically and mentally. She was often cruel and if she wasn't she was ok. But you never knew which was the wind was going to blow. And mostly it blew bad. She had a lot of affairs and took us with her. I don't remember any of this. The cruelty yes, but once it started, gone I would be inside my head. Oh, I did make up some memories, good ones to replace what was really going on.
My sister set me straight on how false those were. And the places she took us, I remember going, just once we got there, I'd check out.As a mom now, I can't believe the things she exposed us too. Now in her defense if I can say that she was sexually abused herself by her grandfather for a long time. Not a defense though, she messed me up and I have been a better mother than she was.
I have been having flashbacks. I have told T some of it. Some I haven't. Some of it isn't clear enough. Faces but no content. The situation isn't clear. But the physical aspects are. One day I must explore it further with T, but he says we will wait until I trust him more to get further into DID and what happened.
I guess more DID will come out when I open up more (hopefully no more will though). So much to tell him not sure how I will.
Sometimes I think I will come unglue to tell him all.
Never told anyone the stuff I do know much less the stuff still buried from me, that the fragmented me's have. Oh well.
I don't know if its bravery. But the telling must get told.
Llurspienoodle has inspired me to be braver and I am trying.
So I am answering your questions. And now I am just going to hit the button before I think too much.
rsk
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 13, 2008, at 7:15:13
In reply to Re: Duh, I see that now... » sparklenfade2black, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 22:15:44
I see you as very brave. Everything you told me about was probably difficult for you yet you did it anyway, that I say is brave.
If you have any questions of me please feel free to ask me as well. I have not really said much about my past or where I am now, so please feel free.
Thank you for everything
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 13, 2008, at 7:16:15
In reply to Re: Duh, I see that now..., posted by sparklenfade2black on December 13, 2008, at 7:15:13
Possibly I can help you in some manner as you have me so far if there is something you wish to ask. K
Posted by B2chica on December 17, 2008, at 15:40:45
In reply to DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders, posted by sparklenfade2black on December 12, 2008, at 13:25:35
i always thought i was DDNOS but in a passing conversation (about something else) i heard my T refer to me as DID.
but i'm mostly co-conscious. what's weird is i know what's going on WHILE its going on but when my T and i are doing 'parts' work, almost as soon as the session is over (if i was dissociated) i don't remember conversations or topics when i 'switch' back.
so at the end of my sessions now, my T is good at "recapping" our session. so that i can leave with (main point she try to get across).also, sometimes i'll have snippits of memory come back from a session but can't fill in the blanks so some of my T sessions are discussion another session (!hah)
try to keep all that mess straight.overall i have a pretty good sense about things now. before i was Dx i was trying to fit my 'odd' mood swings into my BP dx. it just wasn't fitting and meds didn't really help.
once i was properly dx and i learned to decipher what was a 'switch' and what was a mood alteration, the meds seemed to work better. and Therapy has just been SO great.but lucked out with last T and with this one!
hope to talk more with you!
WELCOME!b2c.
Posted by sparklenfade2black on December 19, 2008, at 22:32:56
In reply to Re: DDNOD and/or Dissociative Disorders » sparklenfade2black, posted by B2chica on December 17, 2008, at 15:40:45
Hi B2chia
so you are co-conscious most of the time except in your sessions, that is different maybe their are some things that you are not ready to learn yet? i dunno.
sounds like you are doing well with these new T's you have! keep up the great work. I myself have finally managed to get a great t too. one that isn't trying to change me but help me, she actually listens! how weird! lol
i'm diagmosed with ptsd other than ddnos. i hate the memory blanks though i am always so worried about what i did during that time, kind of freaks me out. mainly because i have young children 3 of them. what fun! lol
it has been great meeting you as well. thank you for the welcome! look forward to talking to you again
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