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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on November 29, 2008, at 12:54:10
My last post told of a success I had -- partial success, but good enough.
This time, I think I'd like to start a thread to talk about challenges that we can anticipate with family, and strategies to get through them.
I am using my favorite strategy right now -- Denial. It works pretty damned well for me... (Right now, the weather is sunny and warm, despite anything the weatherman says. And all around my feet, that only looks like a wool rug -- it's really warm white sand. And the cabana boy looks remarkably like a Siamese cat...) That might be my only real strategy.
Well, that and The AvoiDance...
What about everyone else? Care to share? Maybe we can help one another plan strategies to get through with a minimum of discomfort?
Posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 29, 2008, at 13:29:47
In reply to Strategic Holidays, posted by Racer on November 29, 2008, at 12:54:10
For me the shorter the visit the better. So make a mad dash after the dinner and opening of presents, because that is when the climax is over and people get cranky. Plus a view drinks help too not to rip their heads off too. lol
Posted by Phillipa on November 29, 2008, at 14:26:56
In reply to Re: Strategic Holidays, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 29, 2008, at 13:29:47
Starting already as have made contact with handsome husband two and he with me my now husband found him for me and now all family is angry as talking with him. Accused of stealing facebook info from daughter-in-law my husband found him and not on her site on my Daugters. It's starting already. I wish I could drink. I used to be very good at denial I forgot how to deny could you all remine me how? thanks Phillipa. Can't pretend weather here it's freezing and raining. Uggg. Can we Take a fantasy vacation?
Posted by JayMac on November 29, 2008, at 16:51:59
In reply to Re: Strategic Holidays, posted by Phillipa on November 29, 2008, at 14:26:56
It's seems like no matter who you are, everyone struggles with some degree of family-related issues. I think some people have more to deal with than others.
What do I do? Well....I'm trying to accept people as they are and control how I react. In my mind, I usually ignore the evident issues. But I don't know how helpful that is. I'm learning to see the dysfunction, taking notice of how I want to react, and then do what I need to do to get through. Sometimes I take a moment to go to the bathroom for an extra long time! It's helpful! Sometimes I leave the room. Sometimes I distract myself with helping the cook or playing with any children. It depends on what works for you.
Posted by rskontos on November 29, 2008, at 19:07:22
In reply to Re: Strategic Holidays, posted by JayMac on November 29, 2008, at 16:51:59
I stay home. Without family. But this christmas I will be with a sister I haven't seen in 14 years. I just home it will go well and will take lots of xanax. And my dad won't come probably because it will be snowing in Ohio and he doesn't go where it snows. Thank God.
rsk
Posted by seldomseen on November 30, 2008, at 7:42:29
In reply to Strategic Holidays, posted by Racer on November 29, 2008, at 12:54:10
The thing I have to most avoid is feeling "trapped" in the family situation.
I keep my visits short. Two nights is the absolute maximum length of stay.
I always have my car with me, but have to keep it locked because my father will pilfer through it trying to learn things about my personal life, financial situation etc...
I always have a pre-arranged, non-confrontational escape route if needed. If things get bad, I'll call a friend, have her call me about some emergency situation at home. Crises at work, or vet situations are the best.
I pick my battles very very carefully. Most stuff I just let roll around for a while.
I'm not perfect and occasionally they can say things that still leave a mark (especially my mother).
If absolutely provoked I will respond. I will definately fire a warning shot across her bow and demand that she back down. The key then is to ignore her cries of "woe is me" and hold her to her words. Nothing less than a full apology from her will diffuse the situation.
However, I can also be quite vicious, having learned from the best. If it reaches that point, I leave.
By maintaing an escape route, not accepting outright menace, and picking my battles I have been able to survive many many holidays and even managed a family vacation or two.
Seldom.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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