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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 11:26:47
Yes, I'm anxious to say the least. My stomach is ready to fall out. It's been almost 6 months since I've seen her. Almost 7 months since she stabbed me in the heart with her comment.
I have no idea what she's thinking. If she's harboring negative feelings towards me I will get up and leave. I'll know that she truly hates me. This is my fear, I don't want her to hate me, yet there is this big part of me that hates her because of what she said to me that was so hurtful. Am I crazy? Why should I have let her hurt me like she did?
I've tried to think about it as much as I could. I think the complication begins with the intensity of the patient/therapist relationship. Her and I have always been close. She's been very responsive to me over the years. I thought she was simply the best. I thought she was near perfect.
I'm not sure what I want to accomplish by going to see her. I know what my wish is. I want her to be the T I've known for over 11 years. Not the one she turned into when I was struggling with more in my life than I could take.
I've tried to think of the things I will say as well as the things I'd like to say and won't. I hope I can be positive, I won't say anything that makes me look like a bad person. I'm not a bad person, I was just smashed with her comment to me and I became angry and hateful.
I'm having a hard time planning what to say. RESISTANCE ~~~
Oh well, it won't matter in a few weeks and she's retired..............and I'll never do therapy again!!!! That's a promise.......
LadyBug
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2008, at 12:01:28
In reply to Going to see my T tonight~, posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 11:26:47
Her response to you and her offer to see you in "your" time do not sound like someone who has negative feelings about you. They sound more like someone who cares about you very much, and would wish to restore good feelings to your relationship. For eleven years she cared about you. I'm sure that didn't end.
She didn't handle things well at the end. She was also thinking about her retirement. The one may have influenced the other.
Is it at all possible that her upcoming retirement also influenced you? In that perhaps at a different time in your therapy, it would be worth fighting through. But with her retirement coming up, it wasn't worth it? Or maybe even with her retirement, it might be less painful if you were angry with her? I'm not saying this is true, but I do think that in your situation that would have been at the back of my mind. The retirement would seem like such an abandonment. I wouldn't much feel like working anything through with him. And I'd be inclined to interpret what he said as being further evidence of how little he cared for me.
She's flawed, not perfect. But I strongly suspect that in her flawed, ultimately imperfect, way she cares very much, is very sorry things ended as they did, and would love to have a chance to end on better feelings.
This doesn't negate the fact that she did hurt you, and she didn't repair it, and she then abandoned you by retiring. But maybe, when you look back over eleven years of caring, you can have a warmer feeling than you have now?
Posted by muffled on November 4, 2008, at 12:19:26
In reply to Going to see my T tonight~, posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 11:26:47
Posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 12:30:05
In reply to Re: Going to see my T tonight~ » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2008, at 12:01:28
Dinah,
You could have not written a better response to me. It gives me peace and some hope. You are right, she gave me "my" time to come in and see her.Did her retirement get in her way of dealing with me? She knew a long time ago about her retirement and maybe she was frustrated with me knowing that when she retired I'd be on my own. After 11 years should I have been standing on my own more than I was? I was in a pretty rough place in my life at that time and admit I was dealt more than I could handle at one time. I did lose my strength. I had no one there for me at the time and my wish was for her to be there more than she could possibly be.
Oh, how I want to be able to bring into the room the positive regard I know we had for each other. This is my greatest wish. Our work is done, there is no way around that now. I regret not getting the kind of termination I should have gotten. I think a good termination is as important as the work itself. I would feel peace and I imagine it being a wonderful experience. Instead, I am left to sort through much on my own.
It's ok, I've been through a lot of grieving this year and it can't be any more painful than what I've already been through. I'm on the healing side of things.
Thanks for your support. I'm going to take the positive things you said and think positive all day and take it in the room with me when I see my T tonight.
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 12:30:46
In reply to best wishes ((((LB)))) (nm), posted by muffled on November 4, 2008, at 12:19:26
Posted by Phillipa on November 4, 2008, at 12:34:00
In reply to Re: Going to see my T tonight~ » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 12:30:05
Lady Bug good luck. Post back later let us know how it goes. I feel it will go well and you'll get the closure you need. Phillipa
Posted by happyflower on November 4, 2008, at 13:57:26
In reply to Re: Going to see my T tonight~ » LadyBug, posted by Phillipa on November 4, 2008, at 12:34:00
I hope you get what you need to help heal the hurt she caused. I hope you can maybe the bad stuff will not out weigh the good she did for you. I have my fingers crossed for you. It will be so hard no matter how it goes, but I say it takes guts for you to face her, it shows how special you are and the determination you have to help yourself do what you need to do for you. ((((Ladybug)))
Posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 14:08:30
In reply to Re: Going to see my T tonight~ » LadyBug, posted by Phillipa on November 4, 2008, at 12:34:00
Thanks, oh I'll be posting, I know that for sure. My wish is to find the positive regard we had for each other.
Posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 14:16:17
In reply to Re: Going to see my T tonight~, posted by happyflower on November 4, 2008, at 13:57:26
Thanks,
My stomach is doing summer salts..........to say the least. I wish it to be positive. I remember 2 years ago, on October 24th 2006. I went to see her the night before I was admitted to the hospital to have bilateral knee replacements, 5 days apart. At the end of our hour she said it was appropriate to share a hug for what I was about to endure. She gave me a hug, I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too. She even came to the hospital to visit me a 2 days after my first surgery. When I got home, she came to my house to see me because she knew I couldn't drive for several weeks. It was a 30 min drive each way for her to see me.
Did we sever our relationship? I hope not, but I give her too much power. I'm nervous!!!LadyBug
Posted by stellabystarlight on November 4, 2008, at 16:54:21
In reply to Going to see my T tonight~, posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 11:26:47
Hi Ladybug,I don't want to muddy up Dinah's perfect response to you, but I wanted to wish you much luck tonight! I've found for me, the key to repair is to focus on the positives while discussing the negatives. It's touching to hear about your rich history with your T...good luck to you, Ladybug.
Stellabystarlight
Posted by seldomseen on November 4, 2008, at 17:23:33
In reply to Going to see my T tonight~, posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 11:26:47
Posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 22:35:54
In reply to Re: Going to see my T tonight~ » LadyBug, posted by stellabystarlight on November 4, 2008, at 16:54:21
Thank you and I couldn't agree more, go in with the positive but discuss the negative. I am back, relieved and will post about it tomorrow when I have some of my thoughts together. I did tell her my wish would be to find the positive things we did in the 11 years of our work together. It went ok.
Thanks for wishing me luck, I did ok.
Relief...............
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 22:39:18
In reply to I hope things go well. All the best to you! (nm) » LadyBug, posted by seldomseen on November 4, 2008, at 17:23:33
Thank you for the well wishes. It means a lot to know someone cares. I'll post about it tomorrow.
I did make another appointment with her in 2 more weeks. At least I can put more thought into what I want to share with her before she's not available anymore.I'm ok with that so far.
Posted by Dinah on November 5, 2008, at 9:27:52
In reply to Re: Going to see my T tonight~ » stellabystarlight, posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 22:35:54
Posted by LadyBug on November 5, 2008, at 9:47:01
In reply to :-) (nm) » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on November 5, 2008, at 9:27:52
Posted by Nadezda on November 5, 2008, at 16:23:50
In reply to Re: Going to see my T tonight~ » stellabystarlight, posted by LadyBug on November 4, 2008, at 22:35:54
This is the end of the thread.
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