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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 28. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 16:43:26
I followed up with my therapist today about giving me the name of his proposed foster therapists for me should anything happen to him. (I originally wrote "to me".) To my surprise, he grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down three names. I had also blathered on about the need for pre-need succession planning for his practice and offered to bring in an article. I told him that he had always struck me as someone who didn't like to think about those things.
Then I felt awful, because he said that he's got some medical issues he's getting tested for. I should mention that he didn't exactly pop out with that. It had to do with some interplay between his reaction and my semipsychicness. I've taken to responding to subtle nonverbal cues on his part as if he had said something out loud, and he's taken to answering me as if he had indeed said it out loud. But however it came about, I found out he's getting tested right now. He's had swelling of the feet and he's getting his veins ultrasounded. I also am aware that he recently had blood drawn, or gave blood, because he came in with a bandage once.
He told me he really didn't want to tell me this, because he didn't want me to worry. And I reminded him that I'd worry a lot more and to less effect if I thought he wasn't telling me things.
Hmmmm... He probably thought I'd brought it up because I'd noticed something was wrong or because I really was psychic. I remember the time I had that dream he was pregnant and came in all upset...
Now naturally I am a bit worried. Not overmuch I don't think, but some. Apart from all else, he usually puts me off when I ask for those names. Tells me he'll think about it and make a list. And I suppose I wonder how much I should be worried. He's four or five years older than I am, and if I look at him with detachment I suppose I'd notice he has gained a fair amount of weight over the years. Of course his career keeps him sitting for long periods of time.
He's promised not to die before I do, and I intend to keep him to that.
I noted that all three names were men. I asked him if he agreed with Babble that I do better with a man? He said that he thought he did. I asked him if that meant I should maybe see a woman? And he said maybe, if I could tolerate it. But he looked pretty skeptical about my willingness to tolerate much of anything.
That was of course before he said anything about his health. Now I'm feeling really guilty. Or maybe more than semipsychic. I sure hadn't noticed anything. He's seemed pretty relaxed and happy lately.
Posted by Rigby on October 7, 2008, at 17:17:49
In reply to Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 16:43:26
Hi Dinah,
I'm not a doc but one thought is that he's got DVT (deep vein thrombosis.) This would account for getting the venous ultrasound, the swelling and also blood tests. I think they test blood to see if you have a genetic predisposition and also to see if your clotting factors are normal. I believe it's quite serious if the clot moves to the lungs especially.
Again, hard to say but this popped into my head when I read your post.
Rigby
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 17:24:34
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by Rigby on October 7, 2008, at 17:17:49
He's not allowed to die.
What would I do without him?
I don't want those other therapists. I just want him.
Posted by Rigby on October 7, 2008, at 17:28:46
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff? » Rigby, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 17:24:34
Hi Dinah--sorry--I only responded to the "mystery" of what the condition might be but not to how you would feel. Yeah, for sure you don't want anything to happen to him. I think that the condition though is really treatable so if he's being tested and treated chances are he'll be just fine--again, if he's got DVT.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 17:43:32
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by Rigby on October 7, 2008, at 17:28:46
No, you're right. I did want to know. I had some vague picture of airline passengers, and that is the issue with them.
I hope he didn't think I took it too lightly. I did ask him for a hug and told him to take care of himself. And I actually hugged back, which I don't usually do.
I must scare him. Coming out with things that seem to be out of the blue, but that are uncannily apropos.
Darn. I wish I'd kept my big mouth shut.
And of course, I have to moderate my concern or he'll start thinking he can't tell me things.
He'd better the heck not die.
Posted by Rigby on October 7, 2008, at 18:09:10
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff? » Rigby, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 17:43:32
Yeah, I had a dream once about my therapist. In it her husband was an orthopedic surgeon who specialized in knee replacements. After I told her about the dream she looked at me as if my hair had caught on fire. She was in shock.
She then asked, "What do you know about me?"
I said that I knew she was married and had a kid. That was it.
Turns out she was in the process of planning to get a knee replacement in the next few months.
It *completely* freaked me out. And her too. There was *nothing* she said or did that would have lead me to know that or to dream about it. I just did though.
Posted by rskontos on October 7, 2008, at 19:01:24
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff? » Rigby, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 17:43:32
Dinah,
My FIL had that same problem a few years back, swelling of the legs, etc. He had the same tests and they had him on meds and special socks, exercises to keep blood flow correct. He couldn't drive long distances. They worried about a clot just like Rigby said. It was ok. But again, he could not sit for long periods. Your doc may have to adjust how he handles his practice, you know not sitting in the same position.
And I understand your worry. But you are sensitive to him and in any case you now know what is going on. Hopefully if he has this condition they have caught it in time that it is manageable as it was for my FIL. He has managed fine for the last 15 years. It might even be more. My FIL is 85 now and that was in his late 60's.
take care and try not to worry.
rsk
Posted by llurpsienoodle on October 7, 2008, at 19:18:01
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff? » Dinah, posted by rskontos on October 7, 2008, at 19:01:24
Heya Dinah,
I've got a genetic mutation for a screwed-up blood clotter. I drink lotsa water on planes, and get up every hour to walk around.My dad has had MANY clotting probs over the years. He's doing well on coumadin, which is not a frivolous medication... He already had problems in his 20's tho, just for you to keep in mind.
*********
how does it feel to ask for and get a hug from your T? You've got guts, and I admire you much! I bet he needed a hug too-- it's a bad feeling to be tested and tested and waiting and waiting... :(
At least he has a nice Dinah to talk to, though. It's not as if he could hide anything from you anyways. it affects YOUR wellbeing, after all.;)
-Ll
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:01:41
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by llurpsienoodle on October 7, 2008, at 19:18:01
Well, it's not that courageous. I knew my therapist's stance on hugs before I ever even asked him to shake my hand.
He generally knows when I'm about to ask, and he makes it easy for me. I stand awkwardly and look at him while shifting from foot to foot. Of course sometimes, I'm not getting up the nerve to ask for a hug. Sometimes I'm getting up the nerve to say something or ask something else. What's more courageous is that sometimes I turn hugs down, because they aren't what I need at that moment.
No, he really can't keep anything from me. But times like this are spookier to me because I had no conscious sense that anything was wrong. I think he tells me because he's so used to my knowing stuff about him without his saying anything that he assumes that I already kind of know.
At least he's given that up as a symptom of schizotypal personality disorder. Or if it is a delusion, we now share it. :)
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:06:57
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff? » Dinah, posted by rskontos on October 7, 2008, at 19:01:24
I think my mother may have had it when I was in my late teens. But I don't remember her talking about it later. Maybe it was related to hormones.
I've been scanning through the possibilities. He may decide to expedite the move to near where he lives. He's gone from one day to two days a week already. Which isn't great for me, but naturally I'd understand. It is a long drive every day.
I also wonder if this has anything to do with his suggestion that we walk during a session. Again, not great for me. But if it's his health at stake, or it's the only way he could see me, of course we'd walk.
I'll try not to worry. He's planning a vacation this month (around the same time as his anniversary if I remember correctly. it's nice to see him happily romantic.), so he must not be tooo worried.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:13:41
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by Rigby on October 7, 2008, at 18:09:10
That's how it was for me with the pregnancy dream!!
It wasn't that he was pregnant (or his wife I should say), or anything like that. But pregnancy was on his mind, probably quite loudly. There was absolutely no way I could know. But somehow the word "pregnant" must have passed from his brain to mine. It wasn't even just the dream. I sat up in bed with the sudden conviction "my therapist is pregnant."
I shocked him so much that he blurted out the connection. I understand that it's coincidence, but on some level I have to wonder.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:39:12
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff? » Rigby, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:13:41
He's not allowed.
Both he and my husband have promised I can predecease them.
Posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:58:52
In reply to He can't die though, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:39:12
Maybe I should shred them.
Posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 22:52:51
In reply to Maybe it's bad luck to keep the names, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:58:52
Hi Dinah,
It isn't bad luck to keep those names, and your T is probably going to be fine. If he was in some huge danger, they would be a little more aggressive with those tests.
What I am wondering, I know why I am able to read others, and now when something is wrong, because of my past, I had to in order to prevent harm or to survive. I remember you saying something about trying to keep your parents happy or something, do you think that is why you are so intuitive to stuff? I know I was with both with both of my male T's, and my current T says it is a curse and a blessing to have this. (((Dinah)))
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 7, 2008, at 23:28:10
In reply to Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 16:43:26
Dinah,
Maybe make a copy first and then shred them. :-)Death is just too hard to think about. That's an ultimate abandonment waiting to happen. I hope that you are able to temper your spinning with worry about this a little bit. Will you ask for follow-up information? Have you pictured how that will go?
Please don't read into any dreams you have now that you are already in a state of worry! Sometimes I have very telling and realistic dreams - but I *try* to gain new information from them only if they aren't "tainted" with the day's worry. Maybe that's weird, but it's just a good rule of thumb for me.
FMD
Posted by muffled on October 7, 2008, at 23:52:49
In reply to Maybe it's bad luck to keep the names, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:58:52
Posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2008, at 10:46:58
In reply to Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 16:43:26
I feel that if it was DVT that he would be on bedrest with elevtion of leg and it would be red and inflamed. Compresses also and meds. Maybe he as gout like my neighbor? Lots of resons for those tests bet a google search would yield lots of reasons and for the swelling also but the way they do things today he could have only a predisposition to DVT? I don't know so many other factors to consider. Phillipa
Posted by seldomseen on October 8, 2008, at 11:40:33
In reply to He can't die though, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 20:39:12
DInah,
As I'm sure you know, there are no guarantees when it comes to this life.
We go based on faith that everything will be the same from one day to the next. Our security depends on it and yet we wait and plan for the rug to pulled out from under us sending us tumbling.
I understand this fear very much. My T and I have plan in case he dies as well.
As I'm sure you know, underlying this fear is the tremendous value and love you have given this man. No matter how hard we work, it so hard to make that permanent and lasting. You, perhaps moreso than many have had many threats to your relationship with your T. Real threats of relocation, evacuation and abandonment due to family issues.
You want to keep him and retain that value, retain that security in your life. I know, Dinah, I know.
I don't know what is going on with him physically. Swelling of the legs can either be benign or quite serious. It's impossible to say without further information.
In any case, he has been there for you in the past and I'm sure he will continue to do so. My T has told me that I can come see him in the nursing home if I need to.
He will not leave you, not any time soon I suspect.
As you sit with this fear, I'm sending you love and security. You're lucky I have some security to spare, as that is getting damn hard to come by these days.
Seldom.
Posted by lucie lu on October 8, 2008, at 12:00:01
In reply to Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by Dinah on October 7, 2008, at 16:43:26
Hi Dinah,You do seem remarkably attuned to your T. It's amazing how prescient you have been sometimes.
I think it's great that your T has been thoughtful enough to come up with some names and told you about his thoughts should anything happen to him (heaven forbid). But isn't this just like parents keeping current wills and making sure there are guardians for their children _just in case_? He is a very responsible "parent."
A thought about the leg swelling - is he by any chance overweight?
Hugs,
Lucie
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 21:07:02
In reply to Re: He can't die though » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on October 8, 2008, at 11:40:33
Thank you for the love and security, and especially for the understanding. (And I'm glad you have enough that you can spare some.)
My therapist accuses me of demanding guarantees. And yes, I do mean "accuses" me. I wish he'd express it more as you do. Understanding goes a long way to reducing the energy bound in the fears. Thank you for that.
My therapist has joked that I can hobble in to see him when he's old and senile and retired. I suppose there's some truth in the joke. I know he'll do his best, and I know I'm willing to make what compromises I need to make, if I must. As long as he's him, the rest doesn't matter.
I'll try to have faith, at least until I hear if there's any reason to lose it.
Hmmm.... Maybe he does understand this time. I didn't produce my check as promptly as usual, and was staring into space until he prompted me. I told him I guessed I really didn't want him to give me those names. He smiled and said "Yes" in that way he does when he really does understand.
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 21:21:21
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff? » Dinah, posted by lucie lu on October 8, 2008, at 12:00:01
I know it's responsible of him. It's just that in the past he's been reluctant to be responsible in that particular way. In general he has an optimism that borders on delusional to my more pessimistic view. It doesn't sound like a big deal, except if you know his general method of totally dismissing the chance that I'll ever need names. Once he was no longer actively thinking of leaving the area, he managed to "forget" and keep forgetting even if I brought it up in session.
It might just mean that he's been made aware of his vulnerability. Or he might have thought my prescience was at work and gotten scared. :)
He is overweight, I guess. Although he has a frame large enough to carry it. I've noticed that lately he seems to have gained more. And in fact that was my first thought. My second thought was a quick scan of our recent twice a week sessions. I don't ever remember him wearing anything less comfy than his usual shiny very handsome but very uncomfortable looking shoes. His shoes are one of his greatest loves. I daresay when he's ready, and as long as I can convey the message that I can handle whatever he says, he'll tell me something more specific.
I'm wondering if this is something that just came up or if it's been on his mind for a while. I did think it was odd when I complained that therapy was boring when I was doing ok, and he suggested walking during our sessions. He didn't really back off when I expressed my reluctance the way he usually would. Now, looking back, I wonder.
But I think too much, probably.
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 21:38:38
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff? » Dinah, posted by Phillipa on October 8, 2008, at 10:46:58
I'm kind of hoping he'll mention something more specific so that I'm not left not knowing what to worry about.
I'm trying to remember the order of words. I think I said something like "I know you'd tell me if I had anything to worry about" and he answered something like "Should I really? I'd rather not worry you." and I replied that I'd rather know that I'll be told when I should worry, because otherwise I'll have to worry all the time. But then it was time to walk out the door, so I'm not really sure of the implications.
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 21:40:44
In reply to (((((((((((((((((((((((Dinah)))))))))))))))))))))) (nm), posted by muffled on October 7, 2008, at 23:52:49
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 21:48:29
In reply to Re: Anyone know their medical stuff?, posted by FindingMyDesire on October 7, 2008, at 23:28:10
I don't think I had a dream, actually, about his being pregnant. Or at least I don't remember it. All I remember is that I woke up thinking "X is pregnant!!!" And feeling so sure of it that I assumed I must have had a dream. But I will discount any thoughts I have on the matter now I know it's on my radar.
I think for followup I'll be pretty general. Ask how he's doing. I've done enough prying lately into his real life and if he's worried for himself, I don't want him to have to worry about my reactions. He can say more if he wants to. I might mention the names, and reiterate that I don't want any of them, I want him. And that I'm willing to do what it takes to maintain my connection to him. I want the fates to know that the names don't mean I think I don't need him.
Those people will never be ok, because they aren't him.
My husband said I should put the list in my safety deposit box with our wills, because obviously the safe deposit box walls are built to protect things from the fates.
My husband's pretty cool. :)
Posted by Dinah on October 8, 2008, at 22:05:15
In reply to Re: Maybe it's bad luck to keep the names, posted by lemonaide on October 7, 2008, at 22:52:51
I used to think it was totally because of my parents. Not only were they volatile and I had to be able to read their moods for my own benefit, but I often mediated disputes, or tried to make the actions of the one seem less horrible to the other (truthfully sometimes, other times with a bit of mendacity). In doing that I had to be minutely aware of their slightest reaction to everything I said, even before they were aware of it themselves, so that I could quickly change course as needed.
But my son also has the ability, so now I'm leaning towards nature rather than nurture. I may have honed my abilities with my parents, but I think they were already there. Probably a result of the same set of characteristics that cause me to have an overreactive hair trigger nervous system.
I wish it helped me in general, but it doesn't. It only helps me with people I know really well. First of all, I'm totally tuned in to my husband and son and therapist. My antennae are up and focused. But also I know them well enough to use the information once I have it. With the rest of the world, I'd probably be better off not knowing that they're annoyed or upset or whatever, because I have no way of quickly knowing what I did wrong or how to fix it. It just paralyzes me in a situation where blissful unawareness would have let it all blow over uneventfully.
It's always hard for me to believe that the ability isn't widespread. Still, I remember how impressed I was by my neurologist. She'd tell me quite accurately how I was feeling as soon as she walked in the door.
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