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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JayMac on October 3, 2008, at 14:35:13
Is it just me, or do any of you want your T to be your everything?
I feel like I want her to be my mom, my friend, and, in a way , my lover. I want her to be my ideal mom, my ideal friend, and my ideal lover. By "ideal," I don't mean perfect, I mean good enough to cover my needs in those areas. I want her to be MY EVERYTHING wrapped up in one!
Ahh...gosh, I just want her so bad. It's crazy, insane how much I feel I need her. I just want her to hold me close, call me just to talk, and I want to play piano for her, and I want to be a "good" child, a "good" patient for her. I want, that which, I cannot have. She can feel so close, yet so far away. It kills me!!!
Posted by no_rose_garden on October 3, 2008, at 21:40:54
In reply to Your Everything?, posted by JayMac on October 3, 2008, at 14:35:13
I understand so well...with my old counselor. He would ask me sometimes what he was to me, and once I said "everything." He looked at me sadly and said "don't make me everything."
Most all, I think of him as my dad (even though he's only 10 yrs. older) and I act like a little girl around him. I miss him.
Posted by JayMac on October 4, 2008, at 12:07:34
In reply to Re: Your Everything?, posted by no_rose_garden on October 3, 2008, at 21:40:54
I often find myself acting like a child in front of my T as well. I read it's "normal" in the context of therapy. I read that sometimes the patient may act like a child while in therapy, but outside the therapy room, the patient is doing better in his/her social and interpersonal life.
Anyhow, I don't want to intellectualize this much.
I have a fantasy of reaching for my T while I'm sitting on the floor, and her picking me up as she would a 3 year old. I might tell her about this one; it's easier to talk about than some of the other "fantasies" that I have. She told me that we need to discuss these things so we can work them out. It's very difficult for me though. I'm not one to get people heavily involved in my mind, my imagination, my inner world.
Thanks for your feedback =)
Posted by FindingMyDesire on October 4, 2008, at 17:12:33
In reply to Re: Your Everything? » no_rose_garden, posted by JayMac on October 4, 2008, at 12:07:34
Dear JayMac,
I totally get you on this one! I feel like my T is everything to me. Then I have to leave the room at the end of those 50 incredible minutes...I often feel "little" in therapy. Sometimes it feels childlike and other times I'm saying in my head that I am acting "pathetic". Of course that's some internalized judgment I have about feeling need, want, desire, vulnerability, etc. Nothing bad ever happens to me for feelings these things in there - she is always consistent, caring and sees me. So, I leave more capable of dealing with my real two-sided relationships.
But, it's hard for me right now just how much I feel for her. And how much I want from her. And how much I want to give to her. I like to be a "good" client too... she knows that and is always on the lookout for my trying to be a certain way for her instead of exposing my truth... she usually catches me too which now that I think about it really helps me trust her ability.
I do think it's great when one can share whatever kind of "fantasies" one has about their T. I know from experience it has always been useful. However, it's so much easier for me to imagine than do. Even though it's always useful, the thought of speaking the words is terrifying.
I hope that if it feels right you will share that one about feeling three. It's very vivid. Probably full of some good stuff.
:-)
Posted by JayMac on October 4, 2008, at 18:07:18
In reply to Re: Your Everything?, posted by FindingMyDesire on October 4, 2008, at 17:12:33
Thanks for relating........
Yeah......the thought of verbally exploring our fantasies is difficult. The more I do it, and the more she listens, and understands, the more I can be safe to explore the rich text of my imagination.
Posted by Cal on October 5, 2008, at 8:42:52
In reply to Re: Your Everything? » FindingMyDesire, posted by JayMac on October 4, 2008, at 18:07:18
Yes it is true that though we regress in the theraputic setting, we eventually do better outside and thats because we are experiencing our hidden desires and needs and wants and no longer allowing them to "drive the bus" in our "normal" life..the way in which we need T, does change with time...and then you begin to think, hey somethings wrong here, I suddenly know how to handle stuff :-)
Posted by lemonaide on October 5, 2008, at 11:46:56
In reply to Your Everything?, posted by JayMac on October 3, 2008, at 14:35:13
I just to feel like this, and I think it is natural to yearn for this.
But the thing I have learned is nobody can play that role, nobody can be your everything. Some children think of their parents like this. But eventually they learn to make other relationship with people to fulfill some of those needs, and also turn to themselves for some of it. What do they call it? self efficacy or something.
But the thing is when we are a helpless infant, we have to count on someone for everything. But as we get older, we need to find our own ways to fill those needs. Some of us figure this out later if we had some kind of trauma in childhood. But sometimes I wish I too could just be taken care by somebody, fulfilling every need, but maybe because I have never had that by anyone in life.
Posted by onceupon on October 5, 2008, at 20:52:15
In reply to Your Everything?, posted by JayMac on October 3, 2008, at 14:35:13
The longing can be so painful sometimes, can't it? It sounds like you really want to be *seen* in all of your capacities, whatever they might be. And to be met where you are. I'm with you on that one.
This is the end of the thread.
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