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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Amanda29 on September 23, 2008, at 18:20:15
I posted some things about my session and how horrible it was and how upset and confused I was that it went so wrong. I emailed him after that and told him how I was feeling and well, he hasn't replied to any of them..and now think he is ignoring me. He has every right to do that..but I need some kind of OK...I need to know that the 2 of us are OK. I Feel like I have upset him...HE UPSET ME..and I had every intention on going off on him at our session this week...but whereas I have been almost in a rage all week...today I was completely calm and I feel like I dont want to get in a "fight" with him now. BUT...what if he is ignoring me so that my anxiety builds and come thursday I just let go and unload on him? I dont want that to happen. I am fine with unloading..it is just that i dont want to yell at him...which when I get upset...I have a hard time controlling what I say and how I say it.
IM scared that if I do raise my voice at him he will take offense and get upset with me and..see my previous therapist I was completely angry with and let it show..and well, she terminated me. The T I have now, told me he wouldnt terminate me and that he can handle my being angry at him...but he has never fully seen the wrath of amanda...because I have never fully been angry at him..and I am NOT now either..where I thought that I was....and granted I was irritated at him for last session with him challenging me...but now, I figured out that i am not really upset at hime...I am upset with myself...and that really ticks the heck out of me and makes me livid. SO..I want to yell at him about myself.
But I want to make sure he realizes that I am not upset with him...I want to know that he is not upset with me...and he just won't tell me and I am going nuts.(sorry if this post is a little scattered...that is how I am feeling right now...)
Posted by Nadezda on September 24, 2008, at 10:07:27
In reply to T is ignoring me...but I guess I deserve it., posted by Amanda29 on September 23, 2008, at 18:20:15
Hi, Amanda.
I'm sure you don't deserve to be ignored. Maybe you T is hoping that you can contain and work though some of the feelings before the session?
It's okay to be irritated with your T-- even after a week. I can see why you wouldn't want to yell-- the wrath of Amanda might be better kept for a more awful transgression than those of last week. There's nothing wrong with bringing up your issue of not wanting to be challenged in that way, though.
It's possible to say that you're angry or annoyed about something in a very effective way without raising your voice-- or even using hurtful language. Probably your T will understand that his strategy wasn't well-thought out, if you just say that you didn't understand what he was doing-- and you'd hope that in the future, he would find another way of challenging you. Also, maybe he should find out where you are emotionally before challenging you-- because it may not be the right time.
Sometimes, though, it's important to choose the people we confide in-- particularly when it comes to what you say in therapy-- some people feel more threatened and exposed by being talked about with a T-- so it's worth being careful about relaying that information. I hope things have calmed down with your family, too.
Anyway, I hope your session will go well, and you can both express your dismay and move on to some of the issues you wanted to discuss.
Nadezda
Posted by Cal on September 24, 2008, at 10:36:35
In reply to Re: T is ignoring me...but I guess I deserve it., posted by Nadezda on September 24, 2008, at 10:07:27
I think its common decency to at least acknowledge an email has been received...I wouldn't worry about upsetting T as thats his responsiblity to deal with not yours...his there to help you and that means dealing with all sorts of uncomfortable feelings and if he can't handle that then perhaps his not the person for you?
Posted by muffled on September 24, 2008, at 12:20:07
In reply to Re: T is ignoring me...but I guess I deserve it., posted by Cal on September 24, 2008, at 10:36:35
Amanda, what a great post!
I say just print off this post of yours and take it in with you and give it to him.
Or else email it.
Maybe T does not know you were expecting a reply?
Or maybe like my old T, he justdoesn't check his mail very often.
Take care,
M
Posted by Amanda29 on September 25, 2008, at 18:34:50
In reply to T is ignoring me...but I guess I deserve it., posted by Amanda29 on September 23, 2008, at 18:20:15
I Went to therapy today and we talked about how I resist things. He suggests things for me to do to help me "grow" and I am quick to dismiss them. He isnt the only one I do this with...everyone in my life I do this with...but he is trying to help me and I keep shoving his ideas away..because I AM SCARED. i told him I am scared to grow...(and I know that is why people go to therapy...but I am scared and I dont know what to do to fix it beacuse I am almost numb I dont know what to do ..my anxiety is so strong...(and I cannot use drugs because I abuse them...so I am stuck.
I told him I think I have oppositional defiant disorder...I just fit the bill so perfectly..( not that I want that) but I am good at recognizing things...I dont want him to let me go because I get to the point where I resist so much that he runs out of things to do to help me...and I know it could lead to that. He looked up the psycological definition of resistance..and it sait that it can leavd to termination...I cannot have that.
What do people like me do..they resist the therapist's attempts to help...the therapist lets them go...they go to a new one..who lets them go..and they are on their own again....wandering around without the help they need because EVERY THERAPIST IS TURNING THEM DOWN....I am not trying to RESIST EVERYONE...it is just happening. I dont do it on purpose.
Im so messed up...and confused.
Posted by antigua3 on September 26, 2008, at 7:24:40
In reply to UPDATE, posted by Amanda29 on September 25, 2008, at 18:34:50
I very often resist the "healthy" things my pdoc suggests. But as I trust him more, I listen to him more and try to hold back my anxiety as he explains why my perceptions are distorted.
I'm sorry your T threw in that part about resistance leading to termination, because that just puts you on guard more.
Maybe you could just try one little thing that he suggests. Not let your anxiety completely overtake you and make a deal with him that you'll try this idea for the week. Breaking it down into little pieces makes it easier for me. If I don't, I get entirely flooded and everything he says is "wrong" and it's like I just set myself against listening.
take care Amanda, you're doing really hard work.
antigua
Posted by Nadezda on September 26, 2008, at 9:48:39
In reply to UPDATE, posted by Amanda29 on September 25, 2008, at 18:34:50
I had a phase when I read manuals and would see myself in the symptoms. I was always worrying that I had some syndrome that seemed very hopeless. But I don't think I really "had" any of those things. They're descriptions of some ways that people tend to act, but they really aren't diseases or diagnoses in the sense that anyone knows that they're not treatable or even has a way of treating them that works for everyone with the diagnosis.
But even if you are resistant or some Ts have found you hard to work with, that doesn't mean every T will get tired of you and drop you. It means that you need a T who can work with that issue. Lately my T's said that I resist help and frequently undermine the effectiveness of people who are trying to help me. But that doesnt mean that, as a therapist, he can't help me-- or that he doesn't want to bother.
You have a deep investment in the T that you're seeing-- and he has one in you. That has every chance of leading to your being able to work with whatever resistance or anger or fear you have of trying new things, or taking new risks.
I would forget about the diagnosis. You might be using it, as I did, to scare yourself, or keep yourself from trusting in the process. Rather, keep on working with your T as you have-- and perhaps discuss this feeling of resistance more. Over time, you and he can find a way to lessen it, and to make changes possible. It might take time-- or be at times difficult-- but your commitment and his are more important than any diagnosis.
Nadezda
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