Posted by Amanda29 on September 23, 2008, at 18:20:15
I posted some things about my session and how horrible it was and how upset and confused I was that it went so wrong. I emailed him after that and told him how I was feeling and well, he hasn't replied to any of them..and now think he is ignoring me. He has every right to do that..but I need some kind of OK...I need to know that the 2 of us are OK. I Feel like I have upset him...HE UPSET ME..and I had every intention on going off on him at our session this week...but whereas I have been almost in a rage all week...today I was completely calm and I feel like I dont want to get in a "fight" with him now. BUT...what if he is ignoring me so that my anxiety builds and come thursday I just let go and unload on him? I dont want that to happen. I am fine with unloading..it is just that i dont want to yell at him...which when I get upset...I have a hard time controlling what I say and how I say it.
IM scared that if I do raise my voice at him he will take offense and get upset with me and..see my previous therapist I was completely angry with and let it show..and well, she terminated me. The T I have now, told me he wouldnt terminate me and that he can handle my being angry at him...but he has never fully seen the wrath of amanda...because I have never fully been angry at him..and I am NOT now either..where I thought that I was....and granted I was irritated at him for last session with him challenging me...but now, I figured out that i am not really upset at hime...I am upset with myself...and that really ticks the heck out of me and makes me livid. SO..I want to yell at him about myself.
But I want to make sure he realizes that I am not upset with him...I want to know that he is not upset with me...and he just won't tell me and I am going nuts.(sorry if this post is a little scattered...that is how I am feeling right now...)
poster:Amanda29
thread:853675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/853675.html