![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Looney Tunes on June 27, 2008, at 20:16:48
1) Just to be clear, I have never physically attacked anyone. In fact my personal space boundries are so large, that most people don't get close to me.
As for verbal attacks, most of my life is relatively quiet. I am shy and pretty much do what I am supposed to do. I "verbally attacked" my therapist once...after being provocked.
I have no sexual energy/transference at all. And have never even given any signals except "leave me alone."
2) Do I trust him? No. I have been with him 6 months. He has never said anything supportative even if I am putting myself down. He tells me I am difficult and that most other clients have no problem trusting their therapist. I grew up in foster care and he told me I was probably difficult if I was there. (When in truth I was removed from my biological family because of severe abuse..which I guess is my fault)3) He stops me when I am talking and tells me that is not important. His agenda is more important.
4) My behaviors which are problematic include dissociating and flashbacks....and if I could control them, I would kiss the person that helped me. I have a behavioral problem with bulimia and self-harm. But I told him about those behaviors and he agreed he knew how to deal with them. We have not dealt with them. And the dissociation/flashbacks, he gets annoyed and tells me that I am avoiding and wasting time.
5) I am not saying that I am the perfect client. I am probably horrible.
But I worked with another therapist for a number of years before I moved and not once did I feel bad about who I am because of therapy. And the previous therapist never raised a voice at me...Yes, he was frustrated at times, but never kept telling me. And certainly never would have not allowed me from "becoming angry."I quit.
Posted by Dinah on June 27, 2008, at 20:40:38
In reply to My behaviors -Let me be clear!, posted by Looney Tunes on June 27, 2008, at 20:16:48
In that case, he clearly isn't a good match for you.
You really don't sound like a horrible client, you know. I've verbally attacked my therapist more than once. And it took me five years to trust my therapist. And I don't think I'm horrible, even.
You had a positive relationship with a therapist once. I think you deserve another one. He probably won't be the one, though. There are some jerky therapists out there.
I hope I didn't offend you. No offense was meant, certainly. It's just that it really is dicey judging a therapy relationship from an internet website. I'm sure that I would have been advised a score of times to ditch my therapist, based on what I say here. While the reality of our relationship is far different.
So I thought I'd give another possibility in case it would be helpful. I've never been in your therapy room, so I had no idea what would be helpful.
Posted by Lucie Lu on June 27, 2008, at 22:35:28
In reply to My behaviors -Let me be clear!, posted by Looney Tunes on June 27, 2008, at 20:16:48
LT, I think Dinah's point is that our responses to our T's are so subjective that sometimes it is useful (in addition to getting support) to hear an outside view, someone willing to play devil's advocate to help you sort out a puzzling and distressing interaction or relationship. So thanks for clarifying.It does seem clear that this is not a good T for you. But I also have to wonder **WHO** are these trusting model patients this guy usually treats???? It is well established that overall, people seeking therapy nowadays have had more destructive life histories than patients/clients in the past... with greater emotional distress and significant relational difficulties as a result. So for this T to say or even imply that you are unusual or difficult makes me wonder about his caseload. Maybe it's very small :)
(And if not, it should be).I hope you can find a good T soon. Believe me, there are plenty of Ts out there with the necessary courage, skill, and compassion to help you heal... and who don't mind getting their hair mussed! Write this off as one of life's little detours, one you didn't need admittedly but helpful in defining what you want and need from another person. And it will probably make your next T look so much better when you see how the job really should be done.
Good luck, Lucie
BTW - I can't bring myself to call you Looney since you seem anything but, but I hope you'll settle for LT?
Posted by Fallsfall on June 28, 2008, at 11:28:05
In reply to My behaviors -Let me be clear!, posted by Looney Tunes on June 27, 2008, at 20:16:48
There are good therapists out there, and you should find one to help you. You sound motivated to change, and that is the single most important quality in a therapy patient.
Different therapists specialize in different kinds of patients. Sounds like your current therapist isn't a good match for you. The key will be to find a therapist who IS a good match.
Do you have any friends who are therapists? When I was looking for a therapist, I talked to the mother of a friend of my daughter's who is, herself, a therapist. I was able to tell her the basics of my needs, and she produced a list of people I could call. Because she knew the people in the area and their styles, she generated a list of people who wouldn't be scared off by me, and who had the skills to help me. I called a number of her suggestions and interviewed (had a session with) 4 or 5 of them. I could tell quickly if they seemed to be a match or not.
You are aware enough of your issues so you should be able to be an informed consumer. Use this to your advantage. Shop around.
Have you considered the different kinds of therapy? Cognitive Behavioral (in particular a flavor called DBT) is often recommended for BPD. But I was diagnosed with BPD and while DBT was helpful, Cognitive Behavioral therapy only got me so far. I am in Psychodynamic therapy now, and it has been wonderful. You might want to interview someone with each orientation and ask them what the differences are and try to figure out which one seems best for you.
You might want to contact your old therapist and ask what kind of therapy he thinks would be best for you.
It is worth finding the right therapist. Best of luck to you.
Falls
Posted by Poet on June 28, 2008, at 14:31:53
In reply to My behaviors -Let me be clear!, posted by Looney Tunes on June 27, 2008, at 20:16:48
Hi Looney Tunes,
It took me over four years to trust my therapist and there are still forbidden topics that she knows she dare not raise. Your therapist would definitely hang the "difficult" label on me. Mine has said I'm not easy to work with, but she never gives up on me, and it sounds like your therapist is giving up on you for no good reason.
I can't say I blame you for quitting, I think you need to find a therapist who understands your trust issues and what you need addressed in therapy.
I'm sorry your therapist made you feel bad about who you are, that is wrong on too many levels for me to count.
Poet
Posted by star008 on June 28, 2008, at 19:54:10
In reply to My behaviors -Let me be clear!, posted by Looney Tunes on June 27, 2008, at 20:16:48
LT
I don't think your T should EVER make you feel bad about yourself. They are there to be supportive and to build us up. We are hard enough on ourselves. Really, this guy sounds terrible. does he think you will trust just because other people did at 6 months? Well you are not them and you need more time. I think I would have a hard time trusting this T also. IMHO you need to look elsewhere. You can find a T who doesn't make you hurt.
Posted by Phillipa on June 29, 2008, at 0:41:28
In reply to Re: My behaviors -Let me be clear!, posted by star008 on June 28, 2008, at 19:54:10
Boy I agree and I've just left one that did the same as she is" pefect". Seriously she finds herself to be beyound reproach. Very hard to find a good one. Many I've been told have bad problems of their own and are trying to learn from clients. Heresay. Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.