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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 13:43:22
Hi all, I am a newbie to this forum, so I hope everyone will bear with me!
A bit of background...I have been in therapy on and off for the past 15 years for GAD. I had severe PPD with my daughter about 1.5 years ago and have geninuely worked through it w/ meds and talk therapy.
Current situation...I started seeing a new therapist 6 months ago every 2-4 weeks when I had an insurance change. My T and I have working well together until last night. We really made a connection, and the sessions have been great. We laugh and crack jokes, and he has been using a softer approach. This last session, I was telling him about the positive changes I was making, and how I wasn't letting my family use me as a doormat anymore. I had even signed up for a class so I could get out and meet some new people. He started talking about how maybe this was where I was supposed to be, and how maybe I should just be happy with what I have. I was speechless. He then mentioned talking to the pdoc about adjusting my meds, and maybe I am depressed... Whoa, last session it was agreed that I wasn't really depressed anymore, I just had to work on my anxieties. That I needed to more assertive.
Needless to say, I left feeling more miserable than I have felt in a long time. I never leave feeling this way.
Anyhow, It's two weeks until I see him again. Do I just suck it up and wait to see him? Do I call?
I just want to cry...but I have a toddler I don't want her to know that I am sad.
Any thoughts?
Posted by Phillipa on February 13, 2008, at 13:59:00
In reply to Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 13:43:22
Well first welcome don't know where you post. But sounds like maybe you guys didn't click as I've had the same experience. Did you like him? If so maybe things will improve. I too go every two weeks and feel that's not enough. If upset yes give a call and good luck. Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on February 13, 2008, at 14:00:59
In reply to Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 13:43:22
Sorry reread your thread and see you've seen him for quite a while yes give him a call. Need to clear up the issue. I'm sorry you're going through this. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2008, at 14:31:25
In reply to Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 13:43:22
If your therapist is ok with phone calls, I'd say call him. But therapists vary widely on that. If he does though, surely it's better to briefly clear it up than to be upset for two weeks.
My therapist allows phone calls, but is lousy at it. :(
(Welcome to Babble!)
Posted by MissK on February 13, 2008, at 15:17:17
In reply to Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 13:43:22
>Do I just suck it up
Suck what up? His misinterpretation of how you are feeling?
What would you say to him if you did call?
It is not clear to me what exactly is bothering you about what he said, or how it was you were telling him of positive changes and signing up for a class and he responded he thinks you are depressed the way he did? Something seems missing to me.
If he did make a bad assumption or interpretation on your state of mind and feelings, then I wouldn't need see a need to call. I would just open up the next session telling him where he was wrong and clarify what it is I wanted him to understand.
Posted by raisinb on February 13, 2008, at 15:32:01
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks? » krycek, posted by MissK on February 13, 2008, at 15:17:17
Have you talked about phone call policies before? I once got very frustrated with my therapist because after seeing her for two years, she told me that I could call her any time and that she wanted me to if I needed to. I said, "I didn't know that! How was I supposed to know it was okay to call?!" She "thought it was assumed." It would have been nice, in retrospect, to try it before two years had elapsed so that I could find out she was okay with it.
My .02 is that if you're upset enough about it for it to bother you for days, then you should call and see how he responds. I bet he'll be happy you did--but even if he isn't, at least you will know for the future. And if he finds it difficult to accept calls between sessions, he will probably explain why very gently, and it probably won't have anything to do with you, just with his schedule. But you will know where you stand with the whole thing, which is valuable. And you won't have to wait two years because you were afraid to ask :)
Posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 15:58:07
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks? » krycek, posted by MissK on February 13, 2008, at 15:17:17
> >Do I just suck it up
>
> Suck what up? His misinterpretation of how you are feeling?
>
> What would you say to him if you did call?
>
> It is not clear to me what exactly is bothering you about what he said, or how it was you were telling him of positive changes and signing up for a class and he responded he thinks you are depressed the way he did? Something seems missing to me.
>
> If he did make a bad assumption or interpretation on your state of mind and feelings, then I wouldn't need see a need to call. I would just open up the next session telling him where he was wrong and clarify what it is I wanted him to understand.
>
>Do I suck up the hurt and confusion of this past session for two weeks or do I ask to see if I can get into to see him in the next week? I can't get over the change in his attitude and tactics of last night's session. Usually he is much more gentle with his assertions, and this time he was overly critical of everything I said. Throw on top of it 15 minutes of the 45 minute session was about how the dynamtics of his office was bothering him, and he feels like his collegues do not agree with his technique.
I left the office confused and sad. I am still feeling confused and sad. This is not how I usually feel after therapy...
Ack!
Posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 16:05:25
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by raisinb on February 13, 2008, at 15:32:01
> Have you talked about phone call policies before? I once got very frustrated with my therapist because after seeing her for two years, she told me that I could call her any time and that she wanted me to if I needed to. I said, "I didn't know that! How was I supposed to know it was okay to call?!" She "thought it was assumed." It would have been nice, in retrospect, to try it before two years had elapsed so that I could find out she was okay with it.
>
> My .02 is that if you're upset enough about it for it to bother you for days, then you should call and see how he responds. I bet he'll be happy you did--but even if he isn't, at least you will know for the future. And if he finds it difficult to accept calls between sessions, he will probably explain why very gently, and it probably won't have anything to do with you, just with his schedule. But you will know where you stand with the whole thing, which is valuable. And you won't have to wait two years because you were afraid to ask :)
No, we haven't. To be honest, this is the first time I have actually felt the need to call to clarify something. I am really sensitive about other people's boundaries because I am weird about my own boundaries. I am nervous calling because I don't want to come off as too needy or something. Hey, I have an anxiety disorder...if I am not worrying about something, well, I am never not worrying about something. ;)
Posted by sunnydays on February 13, 2008, at 17:54:14
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?)))miss, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 15:58:07
If it's usually not how you feel, perhaps he was having a bad night. Definitely call, leave a message saying how you felt, and that you are hurting and was wondering if he could fit you in next week. The worst he can say is no. But it does seem really odd to respond to someone saying they feel great and are taking a class and feel good by saying they are depressed. Was there any other conversation in between those statements that could affect that? Talk about feelings? I don't know, wish I could help.
sunnydays
Posted by annierose on February 13, 2008, at 18:02:25
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?)))miss, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 15:58:07
>>> Throw on top of it 15 minutes of the 45 minute session was about how the dynamtics of his office was bothering him, and he feels like his collegues do not agree with his technique.
Sounds like he was distracted and definitely not focused on YOU --- like he should be.I would have waved my hand and said, "Excuse me, these 45 minutes are all about me." (I don't think I could really say that but I would want to). My t never ever brings anything of her real life complaints, likes and dislikes into our sessions. Therapy is about you and your concerns.
Yes, call him. Two weeks is a long time to let this brew.
Posted by Dinah on February 13, 2008, at 18:16:15
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?)))miss, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 15:58:07
I agree with Annierose. It sounds as if he wasn't his best because of his own problems.
It stinks, but it does happen from time to time.
Posted by MissK on February 13, 2008, at 18:54:20
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?)))miss, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 15:58:07
>Throw on top of it 15 minutes of the 45 minute session was about how the dynamtics of his office was bothering him, and he feels like his collegues do not agree with his technique.
He shouldn't be bringing this up in session. It is your time there, not his to ponder office politics and whatever else.
>I left the office confused and sad. I am still feeling confused and sad. This is not how I usually feel after therapy...
Sounds like he was having a real bad 'off day'. I guess it happens. I have not experienced what you describe from my T in the almost two years I have been seeing her.
>Do I suck up the hurt and confusion of this past session for two weeks or do I ask to see if I can get into to see him in the next week? I can't get over the change in his attitude and tactics of last night's session.
Tough call. If it's happened only this once, then maybe wait and tell him next session all that bothered you in a calm way. At the moment you may be too emotional to talk and think about it calmly.
>Ack!
Yes. I don't know what was going on with him for him to be so different. Hopefully he will be able to tell you when you do speak to him. Whether you call right away for another appointment or wait until the next scheduled one, give yourself a little time to think calmly what you want to say and what you want to know.
Posted by rskontos on February 13, 2008, at 21:23:51
In reply to Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 13:43:22
krycek,
first of all, welcome to babble.
I would definitely call and let him know how he made you feel. Two weeks is too long. i have an anxiety issue and I would obssess over what happened. And that is what I would tell my therapist. Something very similar happened to me with mine, I called, he called back and we worked it out.
I agree that it sounds like he was distracted, preoccupied or just had a brain lapse. In any case, it doesn't sound like he was himself. And you need to let him know how it made you feel.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
rsk
Posted by Wittgensteinz on February 14, 2008, at 3:40:31
In reply to Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 13:43:22
Welcome to Babble! I hope you find the boards helpful and interesting.
I would agree with what has already been said. It would be better to contact him rather than waiting two weeks and worrying. I think your upset and worries are warranted given his different behaviour. I hope he's able to reassure you when you do call.
Witti
Posted by B2chica on February 14, 2008, at 9:49:15
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks? » krycek, posted by rskontos on February 13, 2008, at 21:23:51
you DEFINATELY need to have some clarification/conversation with this T.
maybe i misinterpreted but was his response about being happy with where you're at mean you shouldn't take the class? did he discourage you from doing something you enjoy or doing some self-improvement?? this Doesnt' sound right and thats exactly what you should ask him.
Dont wait!
i would call, don't let this eat at you for two weeks.
call him.
Posted by Poet on February 14, 2008, at 12:59:35
In reply to Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by krycek on February 13, 2008, at 13:43:22
Hi krycek,
Welcome to babble, I know you'll like it here.
There is no way I would be able to wait two weeks if I were in your situation. If your T doesn't like phone calls, can you write it down and mail it to him? Then maybe it won't eat at you as hard. My T allows phone calls and e-mails, I prefer to e-mail because I write better than I can talk on the phone.
I am sorry your T upset you. I am sending him a cyber slap to the head.
Poet
Posted by krycek on February 14, 2008, at 15:24:44
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by Poet on February 14, 2008, at 12:59:35
> Hi krycek,
>
> Welcome to babble, I know you'll like it here.
>
> There is no way I would be able to wait two weeks if I were in your situation. If your T doesn't like phone calls, can you write it down and mail it to him? Then maybe it won't eat at you as hard. My T allows phone calls and e-mails, I prefer to e-mail because I write better than I can talk on the phone.
>
> I am sorry your T upset you. I am sending him a cyber slap to the head.
>
> PoetThank you for this, Poet! I got a definitely needed chuckle out of it!
ITA that he needs a well deserved pop to the head. Especially because you know that he is no worse for the wear over this situation. He got to vent about the problems he's having with the folks in his office, and all I got was a bunch of confusion...
Posted by krycek on February 14, 2008, at 16:01:24
In reply to Re: Should I call or just wait the 2 weeks?, posted by B2chica on February 14, 2008, at 9:49:15
Firstly, I want to thank everyone for their input and taking the time to help me.
I agree that everyone has an off-day, and it was a bit short-sighted of me not to recognize it. I also agree that his rant about the folks in his office and whatnot was inappropriate, and as much as I want to be a good person and lend a sympathetic ear, I am paying him to listen to my problems.
I decided to wait a day to talk to him, so the hurt isn't as raw and I am thinking more clearly. I put my daughter to bed last night, had a good cry, and wrote down what I want resolved with him. I wish I could shoot him a quick email because I truly hate talking on the phone, but I don't have his email address.
b2chica--No, you didn't misinterpret. He was really negative about all 'progress' I thought I was making. For example, I told him about how I have started sharing my feelings with my husband, as opposed to just bottling everything up. He took that to mean that I was fighting with husband, and I needed to share this with the pdoc to get my meds adjusted.
I really am starting to think that the run-in with his colleague right as we were entering his office colored his whole session with me.
I guess I thought when I am saw him I was going receive praise for finally taking responsiblity for my own happiness, when instead, I got a bunch of negativity.
Well, off to figure out what the heck I am going to make for dinner night...
Happy Valentine's Day!
This is the end of the thread.
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