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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 20, 2008, at 20:39:53
I have to bring in some CBT things I've been working on to therapy. T hasn't assigned me anything, and he's never given me any formal assessment for anxiety/depression/awesomeness, etc.
Now I have to bring in my journal in which I record feelings | intensity | automatic thoughts | cognitive biases/distortions | responses to automatic thoughts | change in emotion or intensity
yikes. this feels like it's gonna be hard to do. I'm really mean to myself most of the time, and T is going to read my automatic thoughts like "I hate myself" "I am the stupidest person in the world" "I'm going to get fired for messing up at work" "I'm not good enough to _____" etc.
If I tell T about my self-reproaching automatic thoughts, will he be horrified? What if I haven't talked about it ever? Will he be upset that I haven't let him know how bad my anxiety is?
Anxiety usually peaks during the hour before I have to leave the house for anything- meeting a friend, driving to work, driving to the store, driving to therapy. I know I'm not a happy driver. I am a safe, competent driver- no accidents or tickets, but I don't find it pleasureable. Oddly enough, once I'm on the road, I feel good, even joyous on occasion (!)
sorry for rambling. I guess I just have anxiety about dumb things like being a dumb llurpsienoodle
-Ll
Posted by Phillipa on January 20, 2008, at 23:31:52
In reply to anxiety about anxiety!, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 20, 2008, at 20:39:53
Lurpsie I relate only when I did CBT a long time ago it didn't seem so hard wonder why now it does? But the anxiety I'm finding I think the green tea I drink in the car contributes to mine do you drink coffee tea with caffeine before you leave? Good luck tomorrow. Phillipa
Posted by star008 on January 21, 2008, at 7:54:39
In reply to anxiety about anxiety!, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 20, 2008, at 20:39:53
I don't think he will be horrified at all. Alot of people say mean things to themselves. I think it would be hard to share a journal like the one you have been keeping but I don't think it will surprise him. You will have to wait and see, of course. That part isn't fun but I think it will be okay..
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 8:27:25
In reply to Re: anxiety about anxiety! » llurpsienoodle, posted by Phillipa on January 20, 2008, at 23:31:52
> Lurpsie I relate only when I did CBT a long time ago it didn't seem so hard wonder why now it does? But the anxiety I'm finding I think the green tea I drink in the car contributes to mine do you drink coffee tea with caffeine before you leave? Good luck tomorrow. Phillipa
Yes, I drink caffeine in the am. I find it helps with focus. the antipsychotics make me kinda fuzzybrained before noon. a quarter or half of a .5mg klonopin helps too, but I don't want to become dependent on a drug to live a happy morning.
Good suggestion tho. I'd rather have provigil than caffeine, but pdoc won't Rx it...
I think what is hard is that I present a very poised person to T. He has rarely seen me fall apart. It's something I'd rather do in private. But admitting to this level of anxiety represents kind of a "falling apart" in some sense-- like I'm not strong enough to handle my own mind.
(and THAT is another distortion)
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 8:29:58
In reply to Re: anxiety about anxiety!, posted by star008 on January 21, 2008, at 7:54:39
> I don't think he will be horrified at all. Alot of people say mean things to themselves. I think it would be hard to share a journal like the one you have been keeping but I don't think it will surprise him. You will have to wait and see, of course. That part isn't fun but I think it will be okay..
Thanks for your support. the waiting is the hard part. and finding all the scraps of paper that comprise my "journal" and printing copies of anxiety and depression inventories I've taken recently and historically. I bet I can even show him my CES-D from the babbleometer?
I hope you're right when you say it will be okay.
Thanks star,
-Ll
Posted by ClearSkies on January 21, 2008, at 9:17:15
In reply to anxiety about anxiety!, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 20, 2008, at 20:39:53
What's the worst that could happen? Would your T laugh at your journal? (Nope, only if you wrote something funny in it, I bet.) We are so very good at thinking the worst of ourselves and of how others will perceive us.
Naw, instead, I predict that your journal will help reveal another dimension of yourself to your T that will add depth to your relationship. Wowza!
CS
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2008, at 9:19:39
In reply to anxiety about anxiety!, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 20, 2008, at 20:39:53
I did CBT journalling with my therapist early in therapy. I don't think there are any automatic thoughts I could have that would have upset him or horrified him.
On the other hand, I think he was pleased to have the fodder for nice cognitive restructuring. And I did not particularly care for having my distress turned into fodder and got, well, mulish. So he modified his approach to make it less obvious what he was doing.
I'm hoping your therapist will sort of skip that stage and go straight to sensitivity. :)
But I really would be surprised if he was upset by what you bring in.
Posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 10:55:05
In reply to anxiety about anxiety!, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 20, 2008, at 20:39:53
Well said as usu LL.
My T says we can make ourselves anxious about being anxious!!!! What a vicious circle....
We ALL have negative thots! Thats why there's SO MANY books out there bout that very thing!
So your T will not be surprized I don't think.
Its really good to get a handle on this negative crap in our heads methinks.
I think it may be challenging, but a good thing to get a handle on the neg crap.
Good to have your T in the loop to help.
Hope all goes well.
M
Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 12:16:13
In reply to Re: anxiety about anxiety! » llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 10:55:05
I've decided to do some worry flooding. The idea is that you pick a particular thing that you're worried about (i.e. showing journal to T) and then you set the timer for 20 minutes and spend the ENTIRE time trying to visualize in 3d technicolor the worst possible outcome to the situation. Then for the next 5 minutes one visualizes a more probable outcome or a positive, alternative outcome. Anxiety ratings taken before, after 20 mins, and after.
Don't laugh- I have anxiety about brushing my teeth. I think it's because I gag so much- kind of like a stimulus-response pairing.
So I visualized teeth falling out, the taste of blood, the sounds, sights and smells of projectile vomiting all over the bathroom etc. It got pretty boring, to tell you the truth. I did get my anxiety up to 90, and this is klonopinnned, mind you, so I'm great at the anxiety provoking thoughts. i skipped the 5 minutes of best case scenario and went right to the bathroom to brush my teeth, so that they wouldn't fall outta my jaw.
my next task is to (llurpsielist trigger) get over the worry of arriving late somewhere
1) wake up at a reasonable hour- not too early, just because I'm afraid of missing my alarm
2) do some important business incase I *do* wake up too early
-working out
-yoga
-reading
-errands*aside- why does my cat always RUN home? he could just be walking
3) not check email/babble compulsively until the last 10 minutes before I leave the house.
what do y'all think?
-Ll
Posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 13:12:47
In reply to worry-flooding *dental triggers*, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 12:16:13
Posted by muffled on January 21, 2008, at 13:15:19
In reply to worry-flooding *dental triggers*, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 12:16:13
Also FWIW my DH gags in the most HORRIBLE fashion when brushing his teeth. The kids hate it!
We just try not to listen...
We have gotten used to it mostly.
He has a very strong gag reflex.
Doesn't seem to bother him fortunately.
M
Posted by Phillipa on January 21, 2008, at 19:10:43
In reply to Re: anxiety about anxiety! » Phillipa, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 8:27:25
Lupsie well you recognize it intellectually as a distortion. So you can now maybe work the feeling? Phillipa
Posted by star008 on January 23, 2008, at 3:28:19
In reply to Re: anxiety about anxiety! » star008, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 21, 2008, at 8:29:58
i do think it will be okay L. things in our minds are so much worse than in real life. A therapist isn't going to be surprised by much..YOu will get through this.. takes so much courage to open up the way we have to.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 23, 2008, at 19:53:59
In reply to Re: anxiety about anxiety! » llurpsienoodle, posted by star008 on January 23, 2008, at 3:28:19
Star, you are SO right. it takes courage. I was so embarrassed to tell T about some of my neurotic worries. One of them went like this
"I will be late to therapy and T will terminate me"
he and I discussed what would happen if I was ever late or missed a session unexpectedly. he had to assure me many times that he wouldn't terminate me.
am I dumb or what?
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