![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JoniS on December 15, 2007, at 14:27:44
. . . for my T's upcoming sebatical? Of course, I am sure that he will have some thoughts on this, and we will talk openly, but I wondered if anyone who's been through it (or not) could give me some input. My T is supposed to be gone Jan - March so I probably have 1 or 2 sessions left with him. I am feeling very emotional, very very sad, and lonely. I will tell him all of this of course, but what else do I need to cover? I am sure that we will talk about the "terms" of our contact during that time. He said he could still see me but not every week. I dont want to be the "exception" client who he needs to basically freese-frame his sebatical for so that I can be taken care of. How would that be a sebatical? I want to try to talk by phone 1 or 2 times a month if I can handle that.
I am back once again to feeling so much love for him, and, as usual, not much desire for anyone or anything else. I know this is some pretty heavy idealistic transference and I'm pretty frustrated in it. I want to learn from it, what does it mean... if it's unmet needs, how can I get them met in a healthy way and move on to reality and find a way to enjoy life???
Sometimes the feelings are not quite as intense as this, but because of the timing, and because this week I had a major breast cancer scare and I talked to him about it, my feelings and desires for him became more intense. He told me to call him after I saw the specialist this week, and when I did he he expressed how sorry he was for what I'd been going through and told me he loved me and cared about me. That was the first time he used the L word. We've been working together for 4.5 years, and only once before he said that he cares deeply and profoundly about me. I know the love that he has is actually deep care for a client and nothing romantic or desirous (like I feel) but it felt so good to hear that from him.
How am I going to handle this separation? right now I'm coping by keeping my feelings pushed down so I don't feel. Can I do that for 3 months? I guess if that works, that is what I'll have to do.
Joni
Posted by Dory on December 15, 2007, at 15:21:54
In reply to How do I prepare.. . ., posted by JoniS on December 15, 2007, at 14:27:44
wow Joni, therapists would be out of work if everyone sounded as in touch with themselves as you are. You should be proud of yourself. i think you're another testiment to what i believe about t's sharing their feelings and being real humans. It's an obvious benefit to you and you're not running screaming psychotic b/c of it. Good for you. When my T told me he liked me it felt so good and it really stabilized the relationship. With all of my own ups and downs it helped to have that. i am glad to see how it can help more as time goes on with you.
well, the terms of contact will determine what you need to prepare i think. You could ask for somethings i have that help. i leave my T voicemails in which i say i dont expect a call back.. it just helps to hear his voice and to just say what i am feeling, to put it out there somewhere. Ask him to leave you voicemails which give you something to listen to. Write, write, write. Write a journal, write to him, or not.. whatever, but write. It helps me soooo much. It soothes me, it gets stuff out and it lets me make better use of my time in session. If you have email access, you can use that with discretion i suppose as well.
i hope you have a good plan in place and everything goes well. My T is feeling kinda edgey about me on my own for 10 days! (haha... basketcase me)
Posted by Daisym on December 16, 2007, at 0:09:23
In reply to Re: How do I prepare.. . . » JoniS, posted by Dory on December 15, 2007, at 15:21:54
Joni,
I know how hard this break will be for you. I'm glad he told you how much you mean to him...you can hang on to that.
I think, if you really want to figure out your transference, this could be a great opportunity to talk to another therapist about it. You'd have support while he was on leave and you would be working on what is upper most in your mind. Perhaps he could recommend someone. It is also an opportunity to work with a woman, or do a group.
That said...sometimes it helps to recognize the love you feel as genuine love for someone who helps you and to whom you've grown close to. It might have romantic wishes attached, but that makes sense given the circumstances of your life right now. He listens, he is warm and empathic, and he knows you, secrets, tears, wart and all. And he hasn't run away. So of course you love him.
I can hear you thinking, "but what about the 'no desire' for anyone else part?" Well, maybe you don't need to focus on anyone else except yourself right now. (I realize this might be hard on your husband.) But it isn't just that your therapist is ideal...something seems to be missing in the rest of your life. As your therapist steps back for a few months, maybe the "what's missing" will come into focus and you can make some changes.
Bleh -- I don't know if I'm helping. The good thing is, it is temporary. And you still have us. But no matter what, it will likely be painful and long. Just take one day at a time, and hopefully it will go quickly.
Posted by frida on December 16, 2007, at 15:47:11
In reply to How do I prepare.. . ., posted by JoniS on December 15, 2007, at 14:27:44
Hi..
T's long absences are so hard. I've been through some summers in which my T was absent for 2 months and a bit more. This summer she goes away for a month. These are some things which have helped me and which will help me to feel connected to her during her time away:
I always ask her the book she's reading or if she can please recommend one to me. This helps me have a way to be close to her..knowing she's reading the same book or she chose that book for me. She always tells me the one she's going to be reading. It's a simple thing, but it really helps me feel close to her, as if i had some kind of..safe place.
I write to her, send her a card, an email, or just write to share with her when she's back. I buy a nice notebook especially for this. Sometimes it helps, and sometimes it makes it hard.
I ask her to tell me of some movies which have moved her and she has liked. This helps a lot as well, to feel connected.
Sometimes I do something for her, to give her when she's back..something hand-made, like a drawing, or a bigger project.
and I try to think of the times she went away but came back..
sometimes being distracted helps time go faster. Telling someone that I'm finding it hard without my T and trying to reach to someone else helps too in some way.
i know it's so hard. Sometimes it gets soo so painful not to have the safety and support..and to try to manage and handle feelings....I hope you can talk about this with your T, and maybe he can suggest ways to help you get through that time without him.
Frida
Posted by JoniS on December 17, 2007, at 11:53:46
In reply to How do I prepare.. . ., posted by JoniS on December 15, 2007, at 14:27:44
Hey Dory, Daisy, and frida
Thank you so much for your replies. They were all helpful and special to me. I am too emotional to reply to each of you individually.
Today was my last session. Kind of a surprising good bye. not good. I hate therapy. I hope I'm strong enough to just not go back on March 31.
Babble means so much to me but it also hurts greatly so it's time for me to take a Babble Break.
I am hurting beyond words.
Hope you all are doing well and that you have nice Holidays. I know they are tough but try to focus on the parts you enjoy. That's what I plan to try to do.
Joni
Posted by Dinah on December 17, 2007, at 18:37:19
In reply to Re: How do I prepare.. . THANKS., posted by JoniS on December 17, 2007, at 11:53:46
I'm so sorry it wasn't the kind of goodbye to ideally prepare you for a separation. Please take care.
Dinah
Posted by muffled on December 17, 2007, at 21:25:20
In reply to Re: How do I prepare.. . THANKS., posted by JoniS on December 17, 2007, at 11:53:46
Hope you can come back soon.
Babblers understand and maybe have good ideas.
This so hard.
I know you hurting all round.
Its so hard.
But you can contact him? Just to touch base? or no?
Take specially good care.
Thinking of you lots,
Muffled
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.