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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 2:04:04
Why,, i hate it. I hate going..Even when itis not busy I hate it.. See Ihave this body image thing and I thnk I am ugly and way bigger than I really am.. I buy most of my clothes too big.
This sound insane but if I go to the mall and see a mirror I realize how ugly I am and I get bummed out and I want to go home. to me I look fat, trashy, haggard,... ohhhh wahtever else ou can think of.. I have a mirror thing.. I rarely get my hair cut cuz it mean I will have to sit there in front of the mirro and look at myself. I fix my hair and makeup at home and never look in a mirror at work cuz then I will see how ugly I am and will feel bad.. I move off to the side when I wash my hands or keep my head down so I don't have to see myself.. Really...I brush my hair at work and sometimes brush my teeth there too but never , ever look in the mirror... yeah, I am screwed..lol.. It is true.. i never told anyone but it is alot easier here, I know you will believe me and even if you don't understand you will try to..i guess i am having a bad night.. i htought i should talk to my T about thisone.. He has no idea.. I just told him I hate the mall and hate shopping and hate getting my hair cut.. he has no idea what the real reason is. thanks for listning to me rant and rave tonite.. 300 and still up..
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2007, at 6:58:27
In reply to why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 2:04:04
I'm the same way. Mirrors point out the overly large difference between who I think I am and who everyone else sees. :(
Posted by Poet on December 11, 2007, at 9:05:52
In reply to why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 2:04:04
Hi Star008,
I hate trying on clothes because I have what I call a mutant pear shape body. Small waist and big hips and bigger thighs- if it fits my waist, it's clinging to my fat thighs and vice versa. I talk out loud in the fitting room about how fat I am and it's awful. I know how it is to look in the mirror and see ugly. Sorry you do, too.
Poet
Posted by JoniS on December 11, 2007, at 9:10:49
In reply to why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 2:04:04
Star,
I am so sorry that your avoidance of mirrors is that extreme. I suspect that we all struglge with that to some degree.I hate to really look at myself too, but it's not that extreme. I think yes, you definitley should talk to your T about this. I hope that you are able to be brave and move forward to a new and positive way of seeing yourself.
Best to you.
Joni
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 12:45:58
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2007, at 6:58:27
I think u are right Dinah.. I am okay as long as I don't look in a mirror when I am out.. Well most of the time..Sometimes Ijust get bummed out and want to go home anyway..Its like to me, i look so bad but still when I look I am shcoked at how terrbile I appear//Really though, I know on some level I am not as hideous to others as I appear to myself. If I look around and compare I don't seem so bad.. still to me there is ugliness..
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 12:48:57
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY » star008, posted by Poet on December 11, 2007, at 9:05:52
It does s...ck, doesn't it.. I am kind of hard to fit too.. long legs, everything is too short, big waist, and no butt.. Lots of things look terrrible on me.. I too am sorry tath you share this problem
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 12:52:39
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by JoniS on December 11, 2007, at 9:10:49
Joni.
I thought I was the only one who felt this way.. yes, mine is a bit extreme.. It has gotten worse over time. I know it is extreme to and that my perceptions are not true.. I am not ugly and fat but my head says I am.. I am not a beauty queen but I am not as ugly as my self tells me I am.. The low self-esteem goes thru evrything, you know?? I might tell him about it.. It does affect my life.. It embarrasses me so that is why i never brought it up.. I don't want to talk in person to anyone about how ugly i feel. And I know my mirror avoidance is extreme and that is another reason I don't bring it up.. thx joni
Posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 12:59:38
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY » JoniS, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 12:52:39
I say we cover up all the mirrors everywhere and then we just don't have to look at them......
I too hate to look at myself and when I do I say WTF who is that. And where the H did she come from. I think the last time I really looked was 15 years ago boy things have changed. :(
And these stupid antidepressants screw around with your appetite. Made me crave sugar which I never used to eat sweets so I gained weight and now I feel extra HUGE......I can't stand that...so byebye AD's. Did not work all that well anyway. I mean if I am going to gain weight I better feel GREAT!
So no mirrors, no AD's. NO self esteem. No malls, no x-mas unless I can buy it online.
I never told T about low self esteem I guess I assume she knows that. I mean with all the rest going on how could I feel GOOD about myself. Anyway, what self. I mean WTF am I anyway.....but then it is hard to have good self esteem these days with the media displaying all the stars and even they don't have good self esteem and they do look good. Mixed up world.
rk
Boy aren't I a ray of sunshine. Pardon my mood........I am dressed with a place to good but cant get out of the fing house.
Posted by Racer on December 11, 2007, at 13:12:20
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 12:59:38
A thick coat of vaseline over every reflective surface in our house...
Seriously, I am another mirror avoider. Partly, it's what Dinah had to say -- the person reflected is not the person I feel like. Mostly, though, it's the weight gain. I can't stand to see myself so huge. When I was thin, it was hard enough -- both the lumpiness and the boniness bothered me, and talk about crazy: "I hate this fat -- but I'm too bony!" Now, though, all I can see are the rolls of fat all over me. It's horrible and hateful, and I don't feel like ME when I see it. It's hard enough feeling it on me, but seeing it, too, is just too much.
So, I look at parts of me in the mirror -- I look at my hair when I brush it; I look at parts of my face when I put on make up; I glance briefly at my clothing, to make sure it's presentable; I look at my face now and again, to see how bad my skin problems -- seborrhea, rosecea -- have gotten. Otherwise, on those rare occasions when I see myself reflected, I become upset and it adds to my depression. I get particularly upset, because I hate that I care so much. I try to remind myself that I am not just my body, that there's more to me than what I look like -- and that what I look like matters least of all. But -- what I look like does matter, and I hate being huge, and I won't shop for clothes -- good thing I can sew -- and I avoid mirrors and other reflective surfaces.
So, you're not at all alone.
And Poet is beautiful, even if she thinks she has fat thighs.
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2007, at 13:47:11
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY » Dinah, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 12:45:58
I talked to my therapist about this today actually. He says he sees this face and body, although he also sees the person inside.
Next week I'm wearing a mask and cloak. I don't want him looking at this.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 14:56:51
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 12:59:38
I am glad it is not just me who has this mirror.. thing going on. I know there are beautiful people who think they don't look good enough.. Doesn't make sense..We should be happy with what we have.. Could be worse.. I could be terribly disfigured or missing my legs.. oh sh....t
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:00:27
In reply to I solved the mirror problem..., posted by Racer on December 11, 2007, at 13:12:20
And I thought it was just me..lol..
Seems like it goes along with the depression and low self-esteem. Yes,I have gotten fatter too on AD's.. yeah.. a thick coat of vasoline might work.. paint would be better.. I am like you.. I check my hair and makeup when I go out.. I don't really look at the whole though.. Just what I need to see.. after i go out, forget it.. I can't look.. I can't even stand catching my reflection in a window.I thnk that we probably don't look as bad as we think we do.
Posted by Sigismund on December 11, 2007, at 15:00:39
In reply to why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 2:04:04
I misunderstood. I thought you meant the mall was too ugly.
All that flouro lighting, being asked obsessively 'How are you?'.
Getting your lines right before you go in so you don't say 'I feel like slitting my wrists, actually', or 'My mother just died', both of which I've landed on some completely undeserving person just doing what they were told.I had a procedure (interesting word) done on my face and after it we both looked at my face, and immediately the doctor said 'Don't frown', and I thought 'That's not a bloody frown, that's a look of dismay.'
As for shopping, I have bought quite a few thousand dollars worth of unwearable clothing simply to get out of such shops.
In any case, who will provide the criteria adequate to a shopping decision?
My attractive and entirely unsuitable black through grey to white, striped zebra shoes?
Not even my son wanted them.
I stay out of such places, if at all possible.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:03:07
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2007, at 13:47:11
Dinah..
What does T have to say about it?? Does he think that you exagerate the way you look?? Do you see things as much worse than other people do?? Of course he sees you.. People look.. But he uisn't running away screaming..lol.. oh dnm,, why does it hae to be like this?? Why do I have to be so screwed up?? Couldn't i have been born to a well balanced family that loved me..Guess not
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:23:21
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY » star008, posted by Sigismund on December 11, 2007, at 15:00:39
NO.. that mall isn't ugly... Well maybe kind of,, that atmosphere,, all the people spending money since they have nothing else to do in this rich coutry..lol.. Not really, the mall is fine.. It is me.. I know the dismay thing.. I get my teeth done and they hand me a mirror and I have to look really fast and say.. oh yeah.. nice. It is the ugliness and the feeling of being totally diferent than everyone else and isolated.. How are you today?? "oh fine, I say (lying through my teeth).. GEt me the H out of here..
It is funny.. There is nothing I want.. I only buy clothes so I don't look like Jojo the rag picker..lol..
Posted by Dinah on December 11, 2007, at 17:24:41
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY » Dinah, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 15:03:07
No, he doesn't think I exaggerate the way I look. In fact he tacitly agrees by suggesting that I lose weight, wear makeup, get my hair styled, and buy better clothes. He says that hating the container I'm in causes me not to take care of it very well.
He does say I don't look like my mother. That she's older and has scowl lines. So I guess I'm only on my way to looking like my mother.
I hate makeup. And buying better clothes and styling my hair won't help much if they're sitting on this body/face. Losing weight, yes, I'd love to do. But since food is an important part of my mood regulation system, I've never really been able to manage the mood side effects.
Posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 18:08:59
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY » star008, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2007, at 17:24:41
oh dinah.. I am sorry that you feel the way you do.. I know exactly what it is like.. I haven't said anything to my
T but maybe I should.. I think i do exagerate..But then, i don't want him to give me suggestions for improvement cuz then I will feel even worse
Posted by twinleaf on December 11, 2007, at 22:08:08
In reply to why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by star008 on December 11, 2007, at 2:04:04
Yup, I've got this, too. I don't know if it's something just women have. I've had two male Ts- I told the first one (the one who imploded and threw me out) about it, and he said, kind of scornfully, "well, how good do you have to look to be satisfied?" This reply made me feel very upset and misunderstood. I don't think he understood how bad a problem it can be; I see such an ugly face. I know it's not right to think that way, but I can't help it. Men HAVE to look in the mirror carefully to shave every day, and they seem OK with that.
I admire you Dinah. Having gotten such an "off" reaction with my first T, I haven't told the present T. I know I should. He's much better and more sensitive about almost everything.
Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2007, at 7:49:04
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY » star008, posted by twinleaf on December 11, 2007, at 22:08:08
I don't deserve admiration on this one. The words of what my therapist says don't adequately convey the tone. It didn't feel bad. It felt comfy and warmish. If he had tried to deny it, it would have been far worse and I wouldn't feel free to discuss it at all.
It sounds as if your new therapist is nothing at all like your old one. I think it might be worth venturing into this most difficult of topics with him.
Posted by Poet on December 15, 2007, at 16:44:45
In reply to I solved the mirror problem..., posted by Racer on December 11, 2007, at 13:12:20
Hi Racer,
Maybe the secret is to only look in the mirror if we don't have our contacts in or glasses on? Maybe having bad eyesight has its advantages.
Poet
p.s. I don't think I have fat thighs, I know it, but thank you for thinking I'm beautiful despite them.
This is the end of the thread.
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