Posted by Racer on December 11, 2007, at 13:12:20
In reply to Re: why i don't go to the mall....TOO UGLY, posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 12:59:38
A thick coat of vaseline over every reflective surface in our house...
Seriously, I am another mirror avoider. Partly, it's what Dinah had to say -- the person reflected is not the person I feel like. Mostly, though, it's the weight gain. I can't stand to see myself so huge. When I was thin, it was hard enough -- both the lumpiness and the boniness bothered me, and talk about crazy: "I hate this fat -- but I'm too bony!" Now, though, all I can see are the rolls of fat all over me. It's horrible and hateful, and I don't feel like ME when I see it. It's hard enough feeling it on me, but seeing it, too, is just too much.
So, I look at parts of me in the mirror -- I look at my hair when I brush it; I look at parts of my face when I put on make up; I glance briefly at my clothing, to make sure it's presentable; I look at my face now and again, to see how bad my skin problems -- seborrhea, rosecea -- have gotten. Otherwise, on those rare occasions when I see myself reflected, I become upset and it adds to my depression. I get particularly upset, because I hate that I care so much. I try to remind myself that I am not just my body, that there's more to me than what I look like -- and that what I look like matters least of all. But -- what I look like does matter, and I hate being huge, and I won't shop for clothes -- good thing I can sew -- and I avoid mirrors and other reflective surfaces.
So, you're not at all alone.
And Poet is beautiful, even if she thinks she has fat thighs.
poster:Racer
thread:800071
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800146.html