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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by nfc on December 8, 2007, at 20:40:49
Hi all,
Diagnosed w/ skits(too lazy to type it out) and hospitalized in Nov.05 after suffering symptoms for at least 3 years maybe longer. Symptoms started out small and gradually worsened. I didn't even know something was wrong w/ me. Suffered from erotomania, paranoia, delusional thinking, running dialogs in my head probably somemore but its hard to describe and forgot some. The erotomania was pretty bad. It made me develop strong feelings for a girl at work even though we never dated. My crazy thinking made me think she had feelings for me too and eventually I thought I had offended her in some way since she started looking stressed out and all. I apoligized to her one day
and had a conversation w/ her. From that day forward I had crazy thoughts like God was telling me she was my soul mate and that we were going to get married and live happily ever after blah blah. That went on for years and still haunts me today. Trying to find therapy to fix my thinking. I've screwed up chances to meet other girls because of being hung up on girl that I've come to realize doesn't share my feelings. Self esteem and self confidence really damaged from all this. Also went crazy on some close friends because of the skits and erotomania and has ruined the closeness of the friendship. In the hospital was on risperdal, clonazepam. Developed depression, flat feelings after taking the risperdal for 3 weeks but was told by the pdoc that I have skitsoaffective disorder. I dunno I blame the risperdal. I went on zoloft still didnt help. finally got off the risp and zoloft and went to abilify and lexapro. Months later I tried to quit cold turkey abilify and lexapro because I had tapered down to a low dose and the pdoc had told me so but I developed racing thoughts, irritability, uneasyness, many bouts of nausea and had to go back on.Doing better, quite well now still not 100% what does 100% define anyway? I dunno if I was ever normal.
Does anyone else have any stories they'd like to tell? How they're coping and how they're doing now?
I'm new here so I'm sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place and thanks in advance to any who reply.
thanks
nfc
Posted by lovelorn on December 9, 2007, at 8:37:15
In reply to Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping?, posted by nfc on December 8, 2007, at 20:40:49
Hi nfc,
I'm not schizophrenic, though in the past two years I've been hospitalized three times with psychotic episodes, delusional thinking and just generally mental breakdown. Was on Zyprexa each time. Tapering off that now. Been in therapy just over a year. 100%, well I am not there yet. I do know what it feels like. I do remember before I ever had breakdowns what that felt like and who I was and how I lived. I am not like that right now. Working on getting back to that. It can't happen fast enough, though my mind is in need of so much repair. I am doing okay, going to work, doing my responsibilities as a mom. Some days it seems I am barely hanging on. I wish therapy would work better and faster. That's pretty much my story.
I've read that schizo-affective disorder is one of the hardest diagnosis to have. I hope you can and will recover.
Welcome to the boards. It's a great place to talk about and read about the therapy process and the ups and downs of that, as well as the ups and downs of just coping when you have mental issues in general.
Posted by rskontos on December 9, 2007, at 11:28:59
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » nfc, posted by lovelorn on December 9, 2007, at 8:37:15
Hi nfc, <I am skits<, it took me a while to figure this out, I have lost brain cells so not functioning so great.LOL I am dissociative and have so many parts that are talking to me in my head right now that at first I didn't know what I was. My T is the one that told me I was DD. I have been close to a breakdown in fact fairly recent. I hide everything and probably would have been hospitalized if I had revealed all in my head sooner but when you dissociate like me you get really good at hiding things. So I hid all my suicide thoughts as well as my lost time. I have lots days at a time and awaken not knowing where I am or what I have been doing, well you get the picture. So you are in the right place and don't apologize for anything. We are all in this together. I am in therapy, most of us here are. I am glad you are doing so well. Again, welcome aboard. Hope to see you around. rsk
Posted by nfc on December 10, 2007, at 3:39:05
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » nfc, posted by lovelorn on December 9, 2007, at 8:37:15
hi lovelorn,
thanks for the comforting words. what kind of therapy are you going through? i was seeing psychologist but i dunno if it was working. its not like they can talk you out of your misery. some stuff might help a little for the duration that they're talking to you then once you leave the office and if your still feeling crappy
you go right back to square 1 again. that's my experience. are you tapering off all your antipsychotics? or just zyprexa? lucky you if you you're tapering off all of them. hang in there and watch out for the reoccuring symptoms from med discontinuation.take care,
nfc
> Hi nfc,
>
> I'm not schizophrenic, though in the past two years I've been hospitalized three times with psychotic episodes, delusional thinking and just generally mental breakdown. Was on Zyprexa each time. Tapering off that now. Been in therapy just over a year. 100%, well I am not there yet. I do know what it feels like. I do remember before I ever had breakdowns what that felt like and who I was and how I lived. I am not like that right now. Working on getting back to that. It can't happen fast enough, though my mind is in need of so much repair. I am doing okay, going to work, doing my responsibilities as a mom. Some days it seems I am barely hanging on. I wish therapy would work better and faster. That's pretty much my story.
>
> I've read that schizo-affective disorder is one of the hardest diagnosis to have. I hope you can and will recover.
>
> Welcome to the boards. It's a great place to talk about and read about the therapy process and the ups and downs of that, as well as the ups and downs of just coping when you have mental issues in general.
Posted by nfc on December 10, 2007, at 3:48:40
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping?, posted by rskontos on December 9, 2007, at 11:28:59
hi rskontos,
thanks for welcoming me. whats this mean - My T is the one that told me I was DD. is T for teacher and DD dissociative disorder? what meds are you on? hope I'm able to help you in return by offering you what I know as well. Just try to find the right meds and once you do, adjust to a proper dose to combat your symptoms while minimizing med side effects. easier said than done. i know a little about it I was on risperdal for too long and really brought a depressive state in which i just wanted to die to end the suffering.
take care and I'll talk to you later,
nfc
> Hi nfc, <I am skits<, it took me a while to figure this out, I have lost brain cells so not functioning so great.LOL I am dissociative and have so many parts that are talking to me in my head right now that at first I didn't know what I was. My T is the one that told me I was DD. I have been close to a breakdown in fact fairly recent. I hide everything and probably would have been hospitalized if I had revealed all in my head sooner but when you dissociate like me you get really good at hiding things. So I hid all my suicide thoughts as well as my lost time. I have lots days at a time and awaken not knowing where I am or what I have been doing, well you get the picture. So you are in the right place and don't apologize for anything. We are all in this together. I am in therapy, most of us here are. I am glad you are doing so well. Again, welcome aboard. Hope to see you around. rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 10, 2007, at 8:15:28
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping?, posted by nfc on December 10, 2007, at 3:48:40
T is for therapist and DD is dissociative disorder. I was on lexapro and am on topamax but I went off the lex as it made me gain weight and that made me depreased b/c for me, I can't handle it. The lex did help the anxiety and the severe depression. Not all of me is depressed. My therapist says that not all parts will always respond to meds and so DD/DID (dissociative indentity disorder) have the most mixed responses to meds sometimes as different parts during switching will not respond. And after a switch you will get a headache that usually nothing will touch, that is why I was put on topamax I just haven't gone off of it. Some of my headaches are hormonal so I still stay on it. Just a lower dose than when they thought I was having partial seizures. They put me on cymbalta as they thought I was just severely depressed but it was not just that as my T found out when I started describing my childhoold and all the lost time, no memories, and the voices etc etc. It is too weird still for me to always feel comfortable talking about. And I always felt so numb and without any feelings. I knew I should feel more but didn.t Dissociating for so long left me that way. I began to think I would lose the ability to feel. And if I let it out wow the feelings were way out there.... I mean WAY out there. Not normal or appropriate for an adult. Now I am slowly getting to know my parts but it still is a little freaky to see them or hear them.
How are you coping. My coping skills are shot right now but I am getting along better some days than others. I stay home alot now while I am working on this. What meds are you are. Are you in therapy? Let me know how you are and how we can help too.
This is a good place I think. It has been a shelter for me. I haven't had to many of those in my life so I am glad to be here. I do feel safe even if it is the internet. That is saying alot for me.
Take care let us know how you are and how we can help. rsk
Posted by nellie7 on December 10, 2007, at 13:16:36
In reply to Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping?, posted by nfc on December 8, 2007, at 20:40:49
Hi nfc,
I also suffer from schizoaffective disorder. It isn't easy finding the right combination of meds for this problem, since antidepressants can trigger psychosis and antipsychotics can worsen depression.
How are you feeling now on the abilify and lexapro? Do you still suffer from delusional tendencies?
I am also still haunted by things I have said and done while delusional. I'm on celexa now and doing better but, still, you know how it is...
It is good that you found this board- you can get a lot of information and support here.Take care,
Nellie.
Posted by nfc on December 10, 2007, at 14:09:42
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » nfc, posted by nellie7 on December 10, 2007, at 13:16:36
Hi nellie7,
thanks for replying. what meds are you on?
yeah you're right about antipsychotics worsening depression. happened in my case of taking risperdal. funny how the drug manufacturers don't list it in their PI sheets. my old pdoc never figured it out either. he just kept raising my zoloft dose till it was maxed at 200 and still no change. the diarrhea was horrible.
yeah I can relate too about being haunted about the things I've done while delusional. I've kinda learned to live with some of it and the intensity of the guilt has faded somewhat. but its hard to forget about it and live for the now.
everynow and then my brain will drift back into thinking about the past and all the crazy deeds that were done.take care and talk to you later. hope I can be of help to you also.
thanks
nfc
> Hi nfc,
>
> I also suffer from schizoaffective disorder. It isn't easy finding the right combination of meds for this problem, since antidepressants can trigger psychosis and antipsychotics can worsen depression.
> How are you feeling now on the abilify and lexapro? Do you still suffer from delusional tendencies?
> I am also still haunted by things I have said and done while delusional. I'm on celexa now and doing better but, still, you know how it is...
> It is good that you found this board- you can get a lot of information and support here.
>
> Take care,
> Nellie.
>
>
>
>
>
Posted by nfc on December 10, 2007, at 14:47:57
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping?, posted by rskontos on December 10, 2007, at 8:15:28
Hey rskontos,
haha I thought T was for teacher. I didn't know lex could cause weight gain. Stuff I read said it didn't affect weight but once I started reading these boards I learned differently. I did some research on DD to learn more about it and some of the causes. wow it must be very difficult for you. did you have problems getting off the lex?
as far as meds - I was on risperdal, clonazepam when i was hospitalized. 2 weeks later they told me to stop the clonazepam and stay on the risp. went on zoloft after being depressed for a month still no change. about a year later i quit the zoloft cold turkey cuz of diarrhea and cuz my flat state wasn't improving and was put on lex by a new pdoc. 6 months later I asked my then pdoc to change my ap to abilify cuz I started to feel that it was the risp that was causing my sad state and after being on lex and abilify for a few months my depressive flat state really improved. I was in day treatment therapy after being hospitalized. day treatment was for 3 months. was seeing a psychologist after that but the drive was really outta my way so I don't see her anymore. I think i have to resume it to help w/ my recovery though. going to work is pretty much the way i cope nowadays. the erotomania has really screwed w/ my head though. being hung up on a girl that'll never be for years seems like a permanent infatuation. whats weird is she moved away a long time ago and I still have some deep feelings like we were meant to be and stuff but we never dated and only spoke once. so weird.
I really feel for your situation though. I hope the best for you and your recovery.
take care and talk to u later.
nfc
> T is for therapist and DD is dissociative disorder. I was on lexapro and am on topamax but I went off the lex as it made me gain weight and that made me depreased b/c for me, I can't handle it. The lex did help the anxiety and the severe depression. Not all of me is depressed. My therapist says that not all parts will always respond to meds and so DD/DID (dissociative indentity disorder) have the most mixed responses to meds sometimes as different parts during switching will not respond. And after a switch you will get a headache that usually nothing will touch, that is why I was put on topamax I just haven't gone off of it. Some of my headaches are hormonal so I still stay on it. Just a lower dose than when they thought I was having partial seizures. They put me on cymbalta as they thought I was just severely depressed but it was not just that as my T found out when I started describing my childhoold and all the lost time, no memories, and the voices etc etc. It is too weird still for me to always feel comfortable talking about. And I always felt so numb and without any feelings. I knew I should feel more but didn.t Dissociating for so long left me that way. I began to think I would lose the ability to feel. And if I let it out wow the feelings were way out there.... I mean WAY out there. Not normal or appropriate for an adult. Now I am slowly getting to know my parts but it still is a little freaky to see them or hear them.
>
> How are you coping. My coping skills are shot right now but I am getting along better some days than others. I stay home alot now while I am working on this. What meds are you are. Are you in therapy? Let me know how you are and how we can help too.
>
> This is a good place I think. It has been a shelter for me. I haven't had to many of those in my life so I am glad to be here. I do feel safe even if it is the internet. That is saying alot for me.
>
> Take care let us know how you are and how we can help. rsk
Posted by rskontos on December 10, 2007, at 17:15:42
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » rskontos, posted by nfc on December 10, 2007, at 14:47:57
nfc, Yeah it is hard but no harder than anyone else I guess. Not really many problems with the lex. Much easier than cymbalta. Just a few side effects but doable. My problem is I am flat with nothing so I think IMHO that all Ad's will just enhance that. I got no increase energy on them at any time. I did as a an experiment try one lex after being off of it and I did get that high but I feel like it would not continue if I kept on the lex. That is the only time I have ever experienced what I have read about people are suppose to feel on an AD. So why take them. The most lex did for me is take me out of severe depression which with me will usually happen on its own as I will switch and then I am off and running.
Now I have never been hospitalized and if or when that happens I think it is a different matter indeed. The other day if I had called anyone or they had been here and called 911 that would have been different. Somehow I can switch and one of my peeps as I call them will get things under control. The strong one I guess. She is my AD. She hides the stuff others don't need to see. She is my buffer.
I am so sorry about this girl. Well the way I look at it. She isn't worth a grain of salt. And you know maybe you were and it was the wrong time and place. You know timing is everything. How come you never spoke. Or only spoke once. Did you not try to get to know her? A bummer if you felt a connection.
So you had a p-doc or psychologist but not now cause too far. Can you find a therapist close by. I hope so because I think they are part of getting well and staying well. Without mine and meds I could not be doing this.
Go ahead please and still around even if you dont think there are many of you skits around. For the longest there were not many DD's here. Some aren't as brave about speaking up and will eventually.
Glad you are here. Glad you are going to work and it is your coping mechanism for now. Take care, let us know how you are..rsk
Posted by lovelorn on December 10, 2007, at 20:08:10
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping?, posted by nfc on December 10, 2007, at 3:39:05
>what kind of therapy are you going through?
I've never really asked what kind of therapy we are doing. lol. It's a talk therapy, not a specific orientation, I don't think. I may ask her to just clarify if there is a specific name to what we are doing.
>i was seeing psychologist but i dunno if it was working. its not like they can talk you out of your misery. some stuff might help a little for the duration that they're talking to you then once you leave the office and if your still feeling crappy > you go right back to square 1 again. that's my experience.My therapist is a psychologist. Well, for me it seems to be working, though I do know and have felt it doesn't seem to work fast enough. At the beginning I thought it would or should work faster than it seems to be doing. It takes time to see lasting results and so why it may feel like you are at square one again. I know many times I would end up feeling worse or feeling like I am not getting any where before I actually felt some sense of 'better' or that certain issues were resolving.
>> are you tapering off all your antipsychotics? or just zyprexa? lucky you if you you're tapering off all of them. hang in there and watch out for the reoccuring symptoms from med discontinuation.
I am just on the Zyprexa. Yes, from my previous experiences, I know about the recurring symptoms. We are gradually lowering the dose so hopefully that won't happen, versus me just deciding to go off them.
Tks and you take care too - I hope any new therapy you try will help. It can help given the right exchange and with time.
Posted by nfc on December 11, 2007, at 3:33:50
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » nfc, posted by lovelorn on December 10, 2007, at 20:08:10
Hi lovelorn,
Is your therapy some kind of CBT? cognitive behaviour therapy? thats what my psych told me that we were doing b4. i dunno it helped to have someone listen but didn't really do alot to help the depressive feelings so I quit going. I end up kinda suffering though. No one really to get to the root of my feelings except my case manager and my pdoc if he gives me the time.
what was some of the delusional stuff that u had b4? I wonder if we encountered the same things? did u think whatever happened around you was in reference to you? or whenever people around you are talking, you get this paranoid feeling that they're talking about you? or when you're in a public place you feel all the people are staring at you and you get this scared feeling inside?
yeah just some of the things I went through. very confusing and somewhat frightening. you must be doing really good since you're tapering off your meds. wish you the best! take care and talk to u later.nfc
Posted by nfc on December 11, 2007, at 4:10:21
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » nfc, posted by rskontos on December 10, 2007, at 17:15:42
hey rskontos,
were u flat and depressed b4 taking any meds? also what do you mean when you say you can switch? I did more research on DID. Is that like switch to a different personality? I also read therapy is an important part of coping w/ DID.
To me, the way I see those w/ skits is that meds come first and foremost. I've read about trying to treat it w/ therapy only, like it was experimented w/ in the past but got little if any success. with me there was no way you were gonna have a coherent conversation w/ me when my symptoms were full blown. maybe for a few words it might seem ok but when I start to talk story and all these delusions and thoughts talking to me come out, oh boy make sure this one takes his meds. sorry if I seem cruel because of my humor. I kinda make myself laugh to lighten up myself. I guess therapy in a sense.
yeah about that girl it was cuz of the delusions and erotomania that drove me to insanely liking her. thanks for the advice about her. funny how u mentioned timing, thats what my thoughts told me after i had talked to her. timing. I thought I had picked the right moment to talk to her and that she had felt that too. another symptom of skits and or erotomania (for me anyway)is that u feel others can read your mind and that you can communicate telepathicly like if your thinking something that concerns another girl that u like, u automatically feel like she thinks that too in a delusional way. kinda hard to fully describe it. your brain is just in another mode.
I felt the telepathic way of communicating was my way of getting to know her. haha so dumb yeah?from your advice, i'm thinking of resuming therapy. it'll probably speed up my recovery.
boy i talk too much. sorry about that. u know telling my story and conversing w/ others like you who face stuggles gives me a sense of comraderie and is really like therapy for me. thanks for taking the time to listen. hope whatever it is, i can help you w/ also.thanks and talk to u later,
nfc
Posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 9:29:09
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » rskontos, posted by nfc on December 11, 2007, at 4:10:21
>>were u flat and depressed b4 taking any meds? also what do you mean when you say you can switch? I did more research on DID. Is that like switch to a different personality? I also read therapy is an important part of coping w/ DID.
**Yes I was flat and depress before as I dissociated all the time. And I was unrecognized as DD I was being treated for seizures as that is what they thought the missing time was. And when you loss time, the time lost is called a fugue, it can cause extreme headaches and in fact switching can, I was diagnosed with migraines. So all those years I was sent to doctor to doctor, neuro to neuro all putting me on a different med to help the "headaches" not really finding out where they were coming from. I had mri's, cat scans, eegs, you name it. But I never told them what went on at home or all the crap that went on as a child. No I hid that. And because I was still dissociating I didn't have suicidal thoughts I was aware of. And yes I did have different personalities although I don't think of them as that I think of them as "peeps". Alters is the word more docs use now. That sounds weird to me too. I wasn't aware of them because I went away. I woke up to new surroundings, new clothes, different people and I never knew what I did while I was gone. I would get tests back from teachers and did not remember taking the test. My other one took the test. No one ever caught on. I guess this one just took over and protected me when things at home got too bad, I call her the Protector. She has all the memories of the bad stuff too. Thank goodness she was smart as we made all A's for the most part and that was without my help for the most part. I did this off and on my whole teen years, most of my 20's and on.... There is another one though, I have been around now when she comes out, and whew she is a number. She can get in trouble. And she is the one that did stuff in my 20's well we won't go there. She didn't care. I have some mixed up ideas due to my mother and she acted on them. To handle the lost of time I maintained flat and numb alot. It is easy to do this when you dissociate. That I can do when I want to for the most part unless a panic attack gets to bad. Then I can and sometimes I will switch because some parts can handle panic attacks better than I can. I know this is weird I didn't understand it until lately and still don't.
>>To me, the way I see those w/ skits is that meds come first and foremost. I've read about trying to treat it w/ therapy only, like it was experimented w/ in the past but got little if any success. with me there was no way you were gonna have a coherent conversation w/ me when my symptoms were full blown. maybe for a few words it might seem ok but when I start to talk story and all these delusions and thoughts talking to me come out, oh boy make sure this one takes his meds. sorry if I seem cruel because of my humor. I kinda make myself laugh to lighten up myself. I guess therapy in a sense.
**Yes I think meds do make sense for most. In a way I have a fairly good handle on myself for what I have so that is why the T think I am ok for now. If she saw me at times she might doubt that but I am doing ok. You don't seem cruel at all I too use humor or else I would go crazy as this thing seem unmanageable with some humor and laughter. It is therapy!! therapy to me can take many forms. It is for you to decide what is therapy....if it makes you feel better is a type of therapy.
And as for the girl it isnt' dumb that you thought that. It is just part of your situation. ( I hate the word people use illness disease etc. I like situation. Implies we can have a part in getting better I think. Just me though, you can call it whatever you want skits if you want!)
Oh yeah, I too often think people are talking about me. I had a flown blow meltdown at my therapy session the other day because I thought a group of my friend's friends were talking about me and didn't like me so one of my not so favorite peeps showed up to take over and I tried to wrestle control back and it was not pretty. It made me so upset that I cried for days. I broke down in front of my therapist and she showed up again to protect me from her I guess and I got so upset. So I understand that feeling all to well.
ANd speaking of talking too much. You don't have a corner on it. I haven't said this much in forever. I am glad you told your story and I hope it helped you. It helped me. You see sometimes talking to others with different things help as well as those with the same things. I think it shows us that we are not in this alone and that many people struggle to fit into this crazy world. You did help me. Take care, later gator....
rk
Posted by nfc on December 12, 2007, at 14:19:20
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping?, posted by rskontos on December 11, 2007, at 9:29:09
hey rk,
Thanks for replying. Your post helped me understand DD better. How does it feel to be able to switch to different peeps? Would you rather just be one of them all the time? It was cool how one of them got you A's in skool. I coulda used that when I was in skool. :)
I also had a hard time understanding what was delusional even months after first taking my meds. I've gotten a much better grip on it now. Just things from the past that still make me feel guilty and somewhat sad because of what I did during my psychotic years.
Swapping stories sure has helped me these past few days and is giving me a better outlook for the future. Only thing last night I was struggling with my feelings for the girl I talked about. A part of me needs validation from her personally that she doesn't feel anything for me so I can move on and not have this longing feeling for her. I remember telling her a few days after I first spoke to her that if she ever wanted to talk, just let me know. My mind took it as wait for her to come back. And I was doing that for years. And now I still feel it but am struggling to get rid of this feeling cuz I know it not to be right.
I'm glad I've been some kinda help to you. You've helped me by listening also. Thanks. You take care and talk to ya later.
nfc
Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2007, at 18:48:55
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » rskontos, posted by nfc on December 12, 2007, at 14:19:20
Well nfc, I am only just beginning to understand and I can't switch when I want to they are in charge now. I am suppose to be getting control of things but that isn't going to well. Today I switch to one that is a little wild but nothing happened and now I have a headache. I am not sure about just being one, that is called intergration and I am not really wanting it yet. My peeps protect me right now and I am used to it. Sometimes I can stay and see or rather hear what is going on, sometimes it is like tunnel vision. When I was younger I was gone all the way, no memory of what happened. It is better to be all one part but that is a long hard road. I have started that journey just not sure where it is going.
I am glad you have a better grip on the delusions. My mother had them and what a rough ride as a kid with a delusional mom. She was never medicated. Hey I have loads of stuff to feel guilty over too as one of my peeps well she was bad news but you can't dwell on that. You did what you did. It was not your fault. In my case it was my fault as she is still me. ONly a part I don't know really. Long ago I would have been locked up. Sometimes I think I should be now but I am ok for the most part I still hide, I still dissociate, I am trying to get well. Too many memories are suppressed though. Lots of stuff hidden.I am glad our swapping war stories had helped. Me too. And remember if you ever need a shoulder to lean on or just to talk you can babblemail me too.
Now the girl. I think and this might be hard. But I think you should just chalk this one up to experience, and timing. Now that you are better, go out and find a new girl with no baggage on your side or herself. And go slow, and take your time and start with a movie or coffee or dinner but ask her out and be friends first. that is what I think. You don't need validation. Or if you do, I am validation that you are getting better and don't need to go down that road again. Move forward not backwards. You have a better outlook so find some new friends and a new girl that you can talk to and know firsthand if she likes you.
YOu are worth knowing. You are good person, a good man, and you will be alright. Don't think about the out you gave her and yourself. If it comes then ok. But dont spend anymore time or energy focusing on it focus on moving forward.
Ok.....you have a job, that is a plus, now get some therapy going, stay focused on getting better and doing well and you will meet someone worthwhile that wants to know you!!! I know this to be true.....Glad to be of help sir......I will take care, later,
rk
Posted by nfc on December 12, 2007, at 23:17:11
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping?, posted by rskontos on December 12, 2007, at 18:48:55
hey rk,
thanks for the advice and compliments. you're a wonderful and helpful person also. I don't need a therapist, I have you to talk to! ah I don't wanna burden you that way. yeah I I'm planning on calling my case manager probably next week when my work stuff die down to setup a psychologist appt.
about finding a new girl though, its hard to feel good about yourself and really meeting someone when you do carry baggage. mentally I have issues that bother me and right now I'd have to fake it that I was all well and good and having a good time w/ that person if I started dating right now. I'd really only feel comfortable if they knew my story and that they can understand why I'm not so upbeat. At work I'm really faking it. I act all happy go lucky but actually half of me is not. well maybe I shouldn't tell potential dates my story, it'll probably turn my date into another therapist. yeah as I type I really gotta go back to my therapist. thanks for setting me straight rk!
btw how do I get on babblemail?
laters,
nfc
Posted by lovelorn on December 13, 2007, at 9:47:53
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » lovelorn, posted by nfc on December 11, 2007, at 3:33:50
>Is your therapy some kind of CBT? cognitive behaviour therapy? thats what my psych told me that we were doing b4. i dunno it helped to have someone listen but didn't really do alot to help the depressive feelings so I quit going. I end up kinda suffering though. No one really to get to the root of my feelings except my case manager and my pdoc if he gives me the time.
I asked my T what kind of therapy we are doing. She said it was systematic/analytical. If it is the root of your feelings you want to get to, I could recommend this. It is what we are doing. Just seek out a traditional talk therapy, not a specific orientation like CBT or EMDR, etc. Mention to any prospective therapist that is what you want as your objective to get to and discuss what may be at the root of the problem/feeling.
>what was some of the delusional stuff that u had b4? I wonder if we encountered the same things? did u think whatever happened around you was in reference to you? or whenever people around ...
Yes, I did experience the feeling that many outside occurrences, or things I saw on television were in reference to me specifically - not so much that people were talking about me.
>I went through. very confusing and somewhat frightening.
Well, interestingly enough I found the nature of delusions as not confusing since what you are feeling and thinking seems very real and clear even though not right or accurate. Confusion came afterward when I was recovering. It was frightening though because I felt very threatened by what I was thinking and feeling and imagining.
>you must be doing really good since you're tapering off your meds.
Well, the nature of a brief psychotic episode (the official diagnosis given) is that you return to your previous level of functioning within a month's time (i.e. no symptoms of psychosis). That said, once you've had one or two, you become more susceptible to future episodes. Has mainly to do with triggers. If you can identify and eliminate those, you are on the way to not relapsing again. Meds play a part and, for me, so does therapy as I have psychological issues to sort out. In your case with schizophrenia or schizo-affective disorder, there is the biological/brain chemistry factor which normally needs ongoing medication.
>wish you the best! take care
Yes, we all could use those words. Same to you.
Posted by nfc on December 16, 2007, at 20:33:09
In reply to Re: Anybody w/ skits and how are they coping? » nfc, posted by lovelorn on December 13, 2007, at 9:47:53
hey lovelorn,
thanks for replying. will ask the therapist more specific q's when I make my appt.
when you mentioned the tv delusions, you helped me remember when I had them. When I look back on them now, since its been 2 years, i kinda laugh at how dumb they were. sorry if i seem offensive. but yeah the tv talking to yah like everything on it has a secret coded message that your brain is trying to decode. so funny. mental csi i tell yah.
>Well, interestingly enough I found the nature of delusions as not confusing since what you are feeling and thinking seems very real and clear even though not right or accurate. Confusion came afterward when I was recovering. It was frightening though because I felt very threatened by what I was thinking and feeling and imagining.
yeah when I think about it again, I feel the same. when you're in recovery comes the real hard process.
do you find w/ your psych issues that time eventually helps you forget so to speak the bad stuff of the past, like now it seems passe when before it hit you so hard and was difficult to deal with?
I found that to be the case w/ me w/ some things. other stuff are still lingering and need therapist help w/.
wish u the best and talk to u later.
nfc
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