![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 9 to 33 of 33. Go back in thread:
Posted by muffled on December 3, 2007, at 19:38:01
In reply to Re: enya triggers » muffled, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 3, 2007, at 19:25:13
of ways to occupy yourself.
Like make soup.
Clean the fridge.
Make a picture with leaves.
Learn to play a new song.
Research something that interests you but is safe.
Send Bob a snarky email.
Send Bob a pleasant email.
Do BOTH. LOL!
Babblechat, babble babble.
BUBBLES! blow bubbles, and pop them!
BALLS! Bounce a superbouncer ball round the house....until it gets lost!
Or target practice throwing coins into a cup.
Make muffins.
Go hand them out somewhere on the street.
Hangin w/yer home irls in perfect. You can just say, I kinda having a rough time, but I don't wanna say what, just want company.
Hmmm, others?
M
PS and ROFL I HAVE 'done the cube', and I dunno if it 'worked', but i kinda WAS getting off on the pain...it REALLY hurts. It distracted me BUTT....I only ever did it once....hmmmmm. !!!
Posted by muffled on December 3, 2007, at 19:43:29
In reply to Re: enya triggers » muffled, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 3, 2007, at 19:25:13
I feeding em noodles w/grated cheeze hunks of brocolli and chicken chunks...yum! NOT!
M
Posted by I need a hug on December 3, 2007, at 20:59:46
In reply to Ya HEY! Somboddy feed my kids!!!!, posted by muffled on December 3, 2007, at 19:43:29
If you're doing what I think you're doing with the ice cube, I tried it once and I couldn't stand the cold. ROFL
Posted by star008 on December 3, 2007, at 21:53:32
In reply to the hardest session ever. SA triggers, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 3, 2007, at 17:29:44
I remember when I finally told my T. Felt like I got hit by a truck.. It is hard keeping it to yourself all that time but when you share it with someone else all h..ll breaks loose..Sorry you are feeling so bad
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 4, 2007, at 10:30:42
In reply to Re: the hardest session ever. SA triggers » llurpsienoodle, posted by star008 on December 3, 2007, at 21:53:32
thanks star,
glad I'm not the only one. I really feel like I got hit by a truck. I think I may need a nap this evening.part of the truck accident was that I took my max doses of the prn meds klonopin and zyprexa. ugh. My body is a chemical factory. today I'm gonna take it easy on myself and my body by drinking lots of herbal tea.
did you ever manage to put yourself back together again?
I *think* I feel better today? but I dread nightfall
-Ll
Posted by rskontos on December 4, 2007, at 12:53:19
In reply to Re: the hardest session ever » star008, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 4, 2007, at 10:30:42
Yeah Llurpsienoodle, I hear ya about hard session I broke down in mine and my bad peep emerged and I didn't want that cause she isn't good news to show T but want can I do. She was out and about at a dinner party and I could not get her back in before T. You know sometimes you just know a day is going to be bad and I did but I couldn't wish Monday away. Afterward T said good session and I said is it ok i don't think so and she yes but it still was good progress even if parts don't agree.
I still feel like crap and want to cry but at least I am only tearing up and not boohooing like last night. I was crying and raging during Therapy not fun but that is the ole bad one and I know she is trying to protect me but I want to say I got this one but she don't listen. I went off my Ad cause I hate it. MY T says when you got parts it is hard to medicate anyway. So...Hey if you are around at night maybe well chat if I can, I am nervous to chat sometimes. Last night I wanted to but couldn't see for crying. So no you are definitely not the only one by far.........
take care, later rk
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 4, 2007, at 17:08:03
In reply to I think its time for a LLurpylist » llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on December 3, 2007, at 19:38:01
I went to the store. sale on herbal tea. have had 5 cups so far. yum
Then I went to the store to buy Xmas decorations. I decorated our "mantel" (aka top of entertainment center) with red candles and a woven green runner.
I also bought some miniature glass ornaments. they are cute. they went on the miniature Xmas tree.
I bought a gingerbread house kit and put it together with no disasters. I only ate a few of the decorations *burp*
and it's 6:04. and there's nothing to do, besides... wondering what I'm gonna do at work tomorrow to mitigate the damage I did over the weekend. I made some mistakes. Sh*t.
I've already eaten dinner. maybe some knitting? I can do a couple of rows on my sweater sleeves. I guess... hard to get excited about it.
and... this term paper that is due on Thursday. Won't THAT feel good to have behind me?
I think I'm gonna bake some bread. yeah. that might help with anxiety. some cardamom danish bread.
-Ll
Posted by star008 on December 4, 2007, at 19:09:38
In reply to Re: the hardest session ever » star008, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 4, 2007, at 10:30:42
hang in there.. yes,, you will get yourself back together.. i think it is a shock to the system to let out something so huge.. i remember feeling absolutely exhausted and overwhemed.. It does get better. It will in a few days for you too.. And you will be able to talk about without being hit by the truck after you have talked about it a couple of times.. It is so hard.. I am sorry it happened to you too.. I will never be able to understand how some people can take advantage and hurt other people for their own gratification.. You don't have to forgive, ever, if you don't want to. In time I have found some peace, although what happened to me will never go away.. I have never forgiven and don't know if I ever will..The bitterness has faded though..
Try not to take too many pills.. It only makes things worse
hugs
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 5, 2007, at 13:33:07
In reply to the hardest session ever. SA triggers, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 3, 2007, at 17:29:44
And he can see me today. good thing too, because I'm outta coping mechanisms. well... you know. I'm just too... distracted to use any of them.
My thoughts are very very busy right now. I just exercised and I swear I feel halfway manic. endorphins my *ss. whatever. better than melancholic, which is how I felt all evening yesterday and this morning.
Thank you all who responded to this thread. I don't enjoy writing about psychocrises. I feel like a miserable weak f*ck*r for having them. Like why can't I just fix my own !@!($!@($U&!@ problems?
ho hum. I need to eat something but I feel nauseous. well, I guess it's opposite day today.
usually- melancholy and cravings
right now- hyper happy and nauseaI got my HR up to 175 on the elliptical machine. I will report happily to T, who is big on the curative powers of exercise.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 5, 2007, at 15:17:18
In reply to T had a cancellation, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 5, 2007, at 13:33:07
Hey NOODLE!
Calm the !@($* down, PLEASE.I'm SO anxious. I tried my self-talk "I was just a kid" "It's not my fault" "I did what any kid would do"
etc over and over and over and over and overmy mind is allegro and my body is agitato. molto agitato
I try some deep breathing. Have to leave for T in 20 minutes. wtf am I going to do for 20 minutes? Anybuggy wanna babblechat.
I'm going to sit here and twitch for a while.
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 5, 2007, at 15:22:08
In reply to Re: the hardest session ever. SA triggers » llurpsienoodle, posted by lovelorn on December 3, 2007, at 18:09:17
lovelorn, you are absolutely right. it's like a brain injury that is taking several days to heal :(
sorry i didn't respond sooner. It's really nice to meet you btw. see you around here and there and here and there.
-Ll
Posted by muffled on December 5, 2007, at 22:27:47
In reply to Re: the hardest session ever. SA triggers » lovelorn, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 5, 2007, at 15:22:08
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2007, at 8:51:24
In reply to How'd it go?((LL)) (nm), posted by muffled on December 5, 2007, at 22:27:47
I kind of referred to the monday session without referring to its content.
It wasn't so bad. t was sleepy (((sleepyT)))
It was dark outside, so that was kinda strange.
all in all, and uneventful session.
I go to class now skedaddling
-Ll
Posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 14:58:29
In reply to Re: How'd it go?((LL)) » muffled, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2007, at 8:51:24
> I kind of referred to the monday session without referring to its content.
>
> It wasn't so bad. t was sleepy (((sleepyT)))
>
> It was dark outside, so that was kinda strange.
>
> all in all, and uneventful session.
>
> I go to class now skedaddling
>
> -Ll**Hmmm, them T's...they got they own PLANS that we dunno bout!!!! Rotters! LOL.
I bet he was trying to let you connect w/him but not 'work' but just connect and be 'normal' and not trying to crash ahead. He proly know this is TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH stuff, and it goto be accepted, digested etc, just a bit at a time. Its too big to take in a bite or two. Nibble, nibble. Thats the only way methinks.
PATIENCE.
I think mebbe your T is GOOD. Mebbe good as mine! HA!
For me, I chafed, I wanted to get down to business. I actually SAID some, let the dam break and the filth rush forth and be GONE. I wondered my T say nothing, like it wasn't even. But I don't think it works that way....not so easy :-(
So my T, she stay away from it, she say all in its time. She proly know its gonna come back, so we work then, but for now, I just sit w/it and have my gut hurt, but I think in the background is growing acceptance, slowly slowly.
She a smart cookie my T....lotsa times, later, I see what she been doing, but I don't realize it at the time. SneekyT! LOL. But she doing her best for me, and I pretty much trust she doin what best for me.
WOW.
I pretty much trust my T?!
CALL THE PAPERS! This is NATIONAL news material!
NEVER thot I'd see the day.
Anyhow, methinks this trauma stuff like cutting a blackberry thicket, OH MAN! , you ever done that??????Wicked.
You got to cut chunks, here and there. Cut the chunks into bits to haul to the burnpile. You goto work slow and careful cuz them prickers are wicked, and no matter HOW careful you are, when you get in tub later, you covered in scratches, you got thorns stuck in your skin, it hurts and stings when the water gets on them. Takes alotta time and careful steady work to chop them backies back. Hard slow work, and lotsa owies. Just the way it is.
If I tried to just jump in and start hacking, I end up COVERED in bad deep scratches and prickers stuck deep in my skin all over, my clothes ripped(this is the voice of EXPERIENCE talking!). Now I older and smarter and more careful.
Think trauma T the same.
Take care LL.
Patience, and you doing right and good things.
And if we slip up, s'ok, we accept and move ahead again.
Just keep going.
M
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2007, at 17:48:34
In reply to ((LL)) » llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 14:58:29
> I bet he was trying to let you connect w/him but not 'work' but just connect and be 'normal' and not trying to crash ahead. He proly know this is TOUGH TOUGH TOUGH stuff, and it goto be accepted, digested etc, just a bit at a time. Its too big to take in a bite or two. Nibble, nibble. Thats the only way methinks.
I asked him "So what's next? I got nothing left?" "Are you sure?" "yeah, I think I got it all out". him: "Well, now that the skeletons are out of the closet, they get to dance around and then fall on the floor in a pile of bones" me:"how bout a pile of dust?" "dust- good!"
> PATIENCE.
> I think mebbe your T is GOOD. Mebbe good as mine! HA!We should have them arm-wrestle...
> For me, I chafed, I wanted to get down to business. I actually SAID some, let the dam break and the filth rush forth and be GONE. I wondered my T say nothing, like it wasn't even. But I don't think it works that way....not so easy :-(
YEAH!!! go muffled. Hey-- I saw a license plate today MUFFY. no joke. I thought of you and laughed when you passed us. :)
> So my T, she stay away from it, she say all in its time. She proly know its gonna come back, so we work then, but for now, I just sit w/it and have my gut hurt, but I think in the background is growing acceptance, slowly slowly.
> She a smart cookie my T....lotsa times, later, I see what she been doing, but I don't realize it at the time. SneekyT! LOL. But she doing her best for me, and I pretty much trust she doin what best for me.
> WOW.
> I pretty much trust my T?!
> CALL THE PAPERS! This is NATIONAL news material!
> NEVER thot I'd see the day.((((((((muffled))))))))))
She trusts you too :)
> Anyhow, methinks this trauma stuff like cutting a blackberry thicket, OH MAN! , you ever done that??????Wicked.
> You got to cut chunks, here and there. Cut the chunks into bits to haul to the burnpile. You goto work slow and careful cuz them prickers are wicked, and no matter HOW careful you are, when you get in tub later, you covered in scratches, you got thorns stuck in your skin, it hurts and stings when the water gets on them. Takes alotta time and careful steady work to chop them backies back. Hard slow work, and lotsa owies. Just the way it is.
> If I tried to just jump in and start hacking, I end up COVERED in bad deep scratches and prickers stuck deep in my skin all over, my clothes ripped(this is the voice of EXPERIENCE talking!). Now I older and smarter and more careful.are there still berries? One year I picked enough to make a big 'ol cobbler. it was yum.
> Think trauma T the same.
> Take care LL.
> Patience, and you doing right and good things.
> And if we slip up, s'ok, we accept and move ahead again.
> Just keep going.
> MFunny thing is that T said that my symptoms indicate that something very traumatic happened to me, and that there may still be something there. I told him that the way I think of it was that there was very chronic, almost daily explosions of rage from my paternal figure. And how I was the subject, if not the target of some of them. So that's what I said. As I said it I assumed the "duck and cover" posture almost out of instinct. hmmm. does THAT mean anything?
I see T 2 more times before the holiday vacation. yuck. and then I'm on my own for 20 days. yuck
take care, my dethorned friend,
-Ll
Posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 18:04:39
In reply to Re: ((LL)) » muffled, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2007, at 17:48:34
> I asked him "So what's next? I got nothing left?" "Are you sure?" "yeah, I think I got it all out". him: "Well, now that the skeletons are out of the closet, they get to dance around and then fall on the floor in a pile of bones" me:"how bout a pile of dust?" "dust- good!"
*ummmm...OK, a tad macabre, but OK...
> We should have them arm-wrestle...*LOL, actually I think my T is more shy in her cute way round men....LOL!
> YEAH!!! go muffled. Hey-- I saw a license plate today MUFFY. no joke. I thought of you and laughed when you passed us. :)*COOL!
I wonder if its harder when you DON'T remember cuz its like WTF? and stuff is kinda freaky cuz it new and goto be absorbed...did you know moest stuff B4 or some?
> ((((((((muffled))))))))))
>
> She trusts you too :)**:-) Thx
SHE trusts ME? Oh sh*t......
>> are there still berries? One year I picked enough to make a big 'ol cobbler. it was yum.*No more berries, they all froze off.
> Funny thing
*right....funny....:-(
>is that T said that my symptoms indicate that something very traumatic happened to me, and that there may still be something there. I told him that the way I think of it was that there was very chronic, almost daily explosions of rage from my paternal figure. And how I was the subject, if not the target of some of them. So that's what I said. As I said it I assumed the "duck and cover" posture almost out of instinct. hmmm. does THAT mean anything?
* *I* think it does...what a way for a kid to have to live...thats not enuf? It would actually piss me if my T made a comment like that...mebbe you should diss him down for that one....
> I see T 2 more times before the holiday vacation. yuck. and then I'm on my own for 20 days. yuck*Sigh, you take care too.
M
Posted by ClearSkies on December 6, 2007, at 18:27:35
In reply to Re: ((LL)) » muffled, posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2007, at 17:48:34
>
> Funny thing is that T said that my symptoms indicate that something very traumatic happened to me, and that there may still be something there. I told him that the way I think of it was that there was very chronic, almost daily explosions of rage from my paternal figure. And how I was the subject, if not the target of some of them. So that's what I said. As I said it I assumed the "duck and cover" posture almost out of instinct. hmmm. does THAT mean anything?
Something I remember from a seminar I went to last month about children growing up in abusive households was that the trauma is actually the result of chronic stress, not necessarily traumatic events per se, but the unrelenting day in day out of having to live in such a stressful situation. That is the case for me, certainly. Maybe for you too to some extent?CS
Posted by rskontos on December 7, 2007, at 10:43:39
In reply to Re: ((LL)) » llurpsienoodle, posted by ClearSkies on December 6, 2007, at 18:27:35
Clear Skies, did they say in the seminar that it would account for the lack of memories. I mean would you want to forget EVERYTHING due to the stress. Cause if that is case that then ok. I don't know I just wonder. I wish I could attend these seminars. I know they would be triggering but I need information. I don't know if there was SA. I know there was abuse in terms of chronic yelling fighting cruelty in terms of verbal abuse and daily put downs. etc. But the other it is a big void. So I wonder if they thought about how far this daily chronic stress can make a child go in terms of symptoms. Do you remember anything they said. Just wondering....thanks for the information though it helps every day I learn a little more. rk
Posted by ClearSkies on December 7, 2007, at 11:10:03
In reply to Re: ((LL)), posted by rskontos on December 7, 2007, at 10:43:39
> Clear Skies, did they say in the seminar that it would account for the lack of memories. I mean would you want to forget EVERYTHING due to the stress. Cause if that is case that then ok. I don't know I just wonder. I wish I could attend these seminars. I know they would be triggering but I need information. I don't know if there was SA. I know there was abuse in terms of chronic yelling fighting cruelty in terms of verbal abuse and daily put downs. etc. But the other it is a big void. So I wonder if they thought about how far this daily chronic stress can make a child go in terms of symptoms. Do you remember anything they said. Just wondering....thanks for the information though it helps every day I learn a little more. rk
Wow - I am just now reading a book by Pia Mellody, called "Facing Codependence", and I'm at the chapter about repression, suppression, and disassociation. It describes body memories and feeling memories we may feel when we can't recall the exact events themselves.
From what I can gather from the book, our childhood selves create these defensive mechanisms when we're not able to be present for the events. She then goes on to describe the many different ways that abuse can be experienced: physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual. This could be experienced as chronic stress - being treated poorly every day - and so become traumatic. The seminar that I attended was about substance abuse and not abuse in general, but the speaker did not address the issue of voids in memory in particular.I've been told by previous therapists that I "must have been" abused because of the PTSD traits that I possess, yet I didn't really experience any single traumatic event. Or perhaps I'm still minimizing or misremembering my past (quite possible).
I found this book at a church rummage sale. A fortuitous event, but it's a very difficult read for me. I find I'm having to take many breaks and calm myself down repeatedly.
CS
Posted by rskontos on December 7, 2007, at 15:47:08
In reply to Re: ((LL)) might be triggering » rskontos, posted by ClearSkies on December 7, 2007, at 11:10:03
I just ordered the book. Thanks for the information.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on December 8, 2007, at 18:20:45
In reply to Re: ((LL)) » llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on December 6, 2007, at 18:04:39
> I wonder if its harder when you DON'T remember cuz its like WTF? and stuff is kinda freaky cuz it new and goto be absorbed...did you know moest stuff B4 or some?
I knew this stuff before but suppressed. it.
or it was not in my category of "child abuse" Like I would recognize this situation as child abuse if it happened to another, but not to myself. So when clinicians asked me "were you abused" the answer was easy. no.
>
> *No more berries, they all froze off.but will there be more next year? did you haul off ALL the good pickin' briars?
take good care muffly
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on December 8, 2007, at 20:24:36
In reply to Re: ((LL)) » llurpsienoodle, posted by ClearSkies on December 6, 2007, at 18:27:35
> Something I remember from a seminar I went to last month about children growing up in abusive households was that the trauma is actually the result of chronic stress, not necessarily traumatic events per se, but the unrelenting day in day out of having to live in such a stressful situation. That is the case for me, certainly. Maybe for you too to some extent?
>
> CS
>yeah, when the trauma is chronic, it causes permanent changes in the brain's ability to regulate and modulate the body's stress response. I dunno if this applies for adults exposed to chronic stress.
psychologically, trauma creates a self- perpetuating cycle. One is traumatized, so then one becomes hypervigilant. Future events may be ambiguous, but are perceived as threatening to the hypervigilant eye.
etc.
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on December 8, 2007, at 20:26:34
In reply to Re: ((LL)), posted by rskontos on December 7, 2007, at 10:43:39
> Clear Skies, did they say in the seminar that it would account for the lack of memories. I mean would you want to forget EVERYTHING due to the stress. Cause if that is case that then ok. I don't know I just wonder. I wish I could attend these seminars. I know they would be triggering but I need information. I don't know if there was SA. I know there was abuse in terms of chronic yelling fighting cruelty in terms of verbal abuse and daily put downs. etc. But the other it is a big void. So I wonder if they thought about how far this daily chronic stress can make a child go in terms of symptoms. Do you remember anything they said. Just wondering....thanks for the information though it helps every day I learn a little more. rk
I think they would say that it REALLY depends on the individual and the way that the individual kid/adult interacted/s with his or her environment (enough slashes/slashes/slash yet :] ???)
-Ll
Posted by rskontos on December 9, 2007, at 11:10:09
In reply to Re: ((LL)) » rskontos, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on December 8, 2007, at 20:26:34
Hey I liked the slashes. As a kid I just dissociated like heck. So many lost memories. But I think they are slowly reintroducing them. I had a another tiny glimpse/flash/whatever you want to call them as they are new to me I don't know what to call them, this morning. This one was a dog, and a child and a man came a tried to take them. I kept watching hoping the memory that someone was showing me, it was even like a video you know framed like youtube or a movie, would keep playing. But it didnt. It just stopped. SO I am getting I guess small snippets. For now. I isn't making me remember anymore on my own yet. My T tells me that what I went through was horrible. I just checked out and don't remember any of it. I guess I am very fragmented due to it.
Did they say in the seminar anything about whether or not you should remember it. MY T is if it comes then ok but it is not necessary to remember. I am not sure I agree.
rk
Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 10, 2007, at 19:09:25
In reply to Re: ((LL)) » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by rskontos on December 9, 2007, at 11:10:09
> Hey I liked the slashes. As a kid I just dissociated like heck. So many lost memories. But I think they are slowly reintroducing them. I had a another tiny glimpse/flash/whatever you want to call them as they are new to me I don't know what to call them, this morning. This one was a dog, and a child and a man came a tried to take them. I kept watching hoping the memory that someone was showing me, it was even like a video you know framed like youtube or a movie, would keep playing. But it didnt. It just stopped. SO I am getting I guess small snippets. For now. I isn't making me remember anymore on my own yet. My T tells me that what I went through was horrible. I just checked out and don't remember any of it. I guess I am very fragmented due to it.
>
> Did they say in the seminar anything about whether or not you should remember it. MY T is if it comes then ok but it is not necessary to remember. I am not sure I agree.it's a difficult issue- my problem was usually that I experience my memories as intrusive thoughts and flashbacks, more that I remember TOO much, rather than not enough at all. The stuff in this thread refers to memories that were always known, but not integrated. (does THAT make any sense? hmmmm. I dunno. .
I didn't go to the seminar, but I've read a couple of books on trauma and memory. One of them that I can recommend is "trauma and recovery" It's more about the psychological science of how trauma affects the psyche. Maybe you'd find it interesting. You might find it triggering as well. What I usually am able to do is to approach things from nerdly llurpsie point of view and not let it get to my feelings. Can you do that? maybe I'll start a thread on it...
-Ll
This is the end of the thread.
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