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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 16:47:07
I am not wanting to go....I tried to be ok with it by posting here to others but not working..................oh well.......sorry.........rk
Posted by lovelorn on December 3, 2007, at 17:06:19
In reply to Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 16:47:07
I've had a session or two in the past that I really did not want to go. It's strange it can come on at any time. Sometimes between sessions, I have figured some stuff out and I really look forward to continuing, other times its happened where the day arrives and for some reason I would rather not. I just remind myself what it is I want to talk about and why and make myself do it. It's usually okay once I am there and we get started. I find when I don't want to go it's because I want to keep things to myself and don't feel like sharing. When you are used to dealing with your issues by yourself you whole life, sometimes that instinct kicks in when you are about to "share" it instead. I think it's partly being unsure of the other person, the T and how much they care. Then I realize that is what I am there for, that is the purpose of the whole thing to have someone, a professional listen and help.
Posted by muffled on December 3, 2007, at 19:26:49
In reply to Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 16:47:07
I am getting ever more frenzied with worry as I have T tomorrow.
Parts are exited to see T cuz she listens. But other parts DREAD going to T.
Other part wanto sabotage me. Other part angry.
Me, my head spins.
I wanna do NOT lifegiving things and who the f*ck cares.
But I only got 15 mins then my hubby gone to work so i gotta stay home, can't go out to buy nuttin.
I feel like I commin outta my skin.
Arrrrgghh.
I got xanax, mebbe I take.....some....
Hope you appt went Ok.
Lemme know how it went.
M
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 3, 2007, at 19:38:57
In reply to Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 16:47:07
Been there, done that, RSK. Sorry you're in that place.
I hope it went okay. Sometimes the sessions I have dreaded the most have been the most productive.
((((((RSKontos)))))))
Posted by I need a hug on December 3, 2007, at 21:06:19
In reply to Re: Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG » rskontos, posted by TherapyGirl on December 3, 2007, at 19:38:57
((((rsk))))
Whenever you're ready, please let me know how your session went. I hope it turned out o.k. I know how much you were dreading it. HUGS
Posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 23:04:42
In reply to Re: Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by I need a hug on December 3, 2007, at 21:06:19
Well guys, it was not pretty for sure. I cried for so long when I got there before I went in as I was early, I journalled it hoping I would be under control but that was ugly writing...
First I had a party for a dear friend that is leaving, suppose to be just dinner with me and her and another friend I suggested it. then she calls and says it is two others I don't really know. And I get there and they are all staring at me. And I get VERY uncomfortable and I switch to the one that takes over and wont let anyone close. And I hate her. She just takes over and I can't control her and I didn't want her to do this. I am not the one in charge and I can tell they don't like me and my friend has had dental work and isn't herself and was weird not my friend. And not the way I wanted my last time with her. She has been a good friend after 7 years and I won't see her anymore. But now all these others I don't know they might ask me questions I don't want so SHE takes over and doesn't let them but being talkative and chatty and pushy and not me, no she is the one I hate and I am not having a good time but can I leave no she won't let me. So I stay.....I am hating it. Finally we leave. I get in the car and start crying and yelling at her and telling her I hate it. I try to get it under control because I don't want to get to Therapy like this. I don't want to share any of this with T. I try and try and try but no use. when get in to T she asks what is wrong and why so agitated and I tell her in angry way and I cry and hide in corner but thank god she leaves me alone and does not come to try and touch me. I stay in corner for a long time most of session. I tell her what happened she uses T talk to ask how could I help my parts not feel so bad to come out like that I say I don't know. I cant help. She says I will learn to help them so they don't come out when I don't want them to. Cause now they come out wilynily and it is all a hodgepodge and making me crazy and I say it is. AND IT IS. She tells me how but I say I can't and she says no not yet but you will. And we talked and I finally calm down some. I guess it was better. But now my head hurts. I still am crying but not so much. I say I am mad I have to make these parts fell better. I have already parented my children and husband and now me too That sucks and she yes it does. No you should not have too your parents should have done that for you and you be living your life freely not worried about being safe. And that is True why didn't you take care of me mom.....why not why not why not....I said to T can I just not go out around people for a while and she yes I liked that. Maybe I will maybe I won't but she said don't try so hard if it makes you feel like today. I knew before I went it was going to be bad. And it was.........I didn't like breaking down in front of her it hurts to show that to her....why? she saw one of my bad peeps. THe one I dont' like at all. I really tried to keep it away..And still am trying to be it wont go away. she wont go...please go
Sorry guys, my head hurts too much and I can't see the keys anymore. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better.
rk
Posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 23:08:51
In reply to Re: Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 23:04:42
Posted by muffled on December 4, 2007, at 0:34:50
In reply to Re: Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 23:04:42
Sometimes those hard sessions are the most productive.
I think its good T meets your peeps.
I'm sorry the dinner didn't go well. I must admit as I read it I was thinking uh oh :-(
But you learning new stuff all the time.
Your T is learning WITH you.
She seems a calm and smart and honest T.
She not giving you a line of sh*t.
She not touch you.
She stay calm.
I think maybe your peeps need to be heard, and then they will calm down some. The peeps are like anyone else and they will fight sometimes, and be troubles.
But they like anybody else. They just trying to survive. They got bad points AND good points.
You not trying to get rid of them. Just stop the fighting and troubles so it can be calmer.
I hope you can find a part that can help you with this task.
I think peeps is alot like IRL kids, once you get a handle on them and have firm rules and stuff, they happier. They calmer, all is better. Still fights, but calmer more.
But I guess someboddy goto be the main person. The boss who helps sort stuff out. There's goto be a boss somewhere for you to function as well as you have so far. i wonder where the boss went? Or why she went? She THERE, but just not doing nothing I guess.
This stuff is all so confusing.
Hang in there and you will make progress.
Sorry its so hard, I really wish it weren't so hard for you :-(
Safe hugs to ya.
Muffled
Posted by Tallulah on December 4, 2007, at 3:18:18
In reply to Re:Not pretty at all, triggers above sorry........ (nm), posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 23:08:51
rskontos - I hope your session went better than expected. (((rskontos)))
I'm in the UK, hence the strange times of posting btw!
Posted by rskontos on December 4, 2007, at 8:45:04
In reply to Re:Not pretty at all, triggers above sorry........, posted by Tallulah on December 4, 2007, at 3:18:18
I posted above muffled response on how Therapy went so you can read the exhausting story. I forgot to change the subject re. sorry my bad. I was crying so badly it didn't see it til too late.
Posted by rskontos on December 4, 2007, at 8:50:43
In reply to (((((((((( RK )))))))))))) » rskontos, posted by muffled on December 4, 2007, at 0:34:50
Yeah I guess it was productive although I spent the rest of the night crying and woke up with parts really close. It is good I guess, she thinks so.
NO more dinners for me for a while until I get things in control. She is calm and good. She gave me good things to do. Things she did say would be hard to do but to try when I could and she will keep telling me cuz it will take lots of hearing it until I can do it. No she doesnt say sh*t. She is good. She says some of parts thinks she will bail before it is all over cause that is what most adults have done in past and some done trust her but that is ok. She knows why they think what they think.
I know they are just trying to survive and they want to keep me safe. I know I need to be boss but I don't know how to be boss. I remember boss lady and I am not knowing where she is . I am little better today. I am taking it easy this am. Until I get my son this pm. No pressures til then. I had things to do but decided to put off until tomorrow to give my system some rest time. Too much yesterday. Again thanks muffled. Your the best. rk
Posted by rskontos on December 4, 2007, at 8:54:20
In reply to Re:Not pretty at all, triggers above sorry........, posted by Tallulah on December 4, 2007, at 3:18:18
Thanks Tallulah, I posted above on how it went if you want to read the not so pretty story. It has possible triggers though. It was rough. thanks for asking. rk
Posted by rskontos on December 4, 2007, at 8:55:12
In reply to Re:Not pretty at all, triggers above sorry........, posted by rskontos on December 4, 2007, at 8:54:20
Posted by Dory on December 4, 2007, at 16:52:43
In reply to Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 16:47:07
Hi RK.. i tried to read what was going on but i got very confused.. messages that are responses to messages i can't find... ?? sorry. it's probably me, not you, i've been pretty sick and today my brain feels likes it's in a vice and i'm not the brightest bulb.
i just wanted to see what was going on, and how you were. Hope you're ok.
Posted by rskontos on December 4, 2007, at 17:22:48
In reply to Re: Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by Dory on December 4, 2007, at 16:52:43
Hey, I have asked the deputies to change my post subject where I said what happened.
I had a dinner before going to therapy with a friend that is leaving...if you read the second posting with my name it is there what happened. Anyway, I switched into a bad peep at the dinner and afterwards I tried to switch back before Therapy and calm myself down but it didn't work even though I had about 40 minutes to do so, and I switched in therapy and broke down and cried and ranted and who knows what all. I didn't not want this one to be the first one she met. I didn't want to go to this dinner and have this happen. T said all the right things. I went into a corner and stayed for most of therapy. It was horrible for me. I hated to do that. T told me that I need to get control over them but being the one to control the switch and she explained how. I told her I was mad at having to do this. I said it s*cked at having to parent my self after doing this for my children, husband and now myself and she agreed. I thought what couldnt my mother just been mom. But it is what it is and I have to do what I have to do. I asked for permission not to go around people for a while she says ok. At least while I was in the corner she stayed at her desk. I couldn't handle her coming to me. She knew. It was bad. I came home and cried. I am better now. Thanks for asking.
I am sorry you are so sick. Sorry I confused you. Hopefully The deputies can clean up my thread. If not I am sorry I am a mess and messed it up. You are bright I am just messed up now. I hope you are better soon and thanks for asking. Take care.....
(((((Dory))))))))))))
This is the end of the thread.
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