Posted by rskontos on December 3, 2007, at 23:04:42
In reply to Re: Have to go to Therapy........UGGGGGGGGG, posted by I need a hug on December 3, 2007, at 21:06:19
Well guys, it was not pretty for sure. I cried for so long when I got there before I went in as I was early, I journalled it hoping I would be under control but that was ugly writing...
First I had a party for a dear friend that is leaving, suppose to be just dinner with me and her and another friend I suggested it. then she calls and says it is two others I don't really know. And I get there and they are all staring at me. And I get VERY uncomfortable and I switch to the one that takes over and wont let anyone close. And I hate her. She just takes over and I can't control her and I didn't want her to do this. I am not the one in charge and I can tell they don't like me and my friend has had dental work and isn't herself and was weird not my friend. And not the way I wanted my last time with her. She has been a good friend after 7 years and I won't see her anymore. But now all these others I don't know they might ask me questions I don't want so SHE takes over and doesn't let them but being talkative and chatty and pushy and not me, no she is the one I hate and I am not having a good time but can I leave no she won't let me. So I stay.....I am hating it. Finally we leave. I get in the car and start crying and yelling at her and telling her I hate it. I try to get it under control because I don't want to get to Therapy like this. I don't want to share any of this with T. I try and try and try but no use. when get in to T she asks what is wrong and why so agitated and I tell her in angry way and I cry and hide in corner but thank god she leaves me alone and does not come to try and touch me. I stay in corner for a long time most of session. I tell her what happened she uses T talk to ask how could I help my parts not feel so bad to come out like that I say I don't know. I cant help. She says I will learn to help them so they don't come out when I don't want them to. Cause now they come out wilynily and it is all a hodgepodge and making me crazy and I say it is. AND IT IS. She tells me how but I say I can't and she says no not yet but you will. And we talked and I finally calm down some. I guess it was better. But now my head hurts. I still am crying but not so much. I say I am mad I have to make these parts fell better. I have already parented my children and husband and now me too That sucks and she yes it does. No you should not have too your parents should have done that for you and you be living your life freely not worried about being safe. And that is True why didn't you take care of me mom.....why not why not why not....I said to T can I just not go out around people for a while and she yes I liked that. Maybe I will maybe I won't but she said don't try so hard if it makes you feel like today. I knew before I went it was going to be bad. And it was.........I didn't like breaking down in front of her it hurts to show that to her....why? she saw one of my bad peeps. THe one I dont' like at all. I really tried to keep it away..And still am trying to be it wont go away. she wont go...please go
Sorry guys, my head hurts too much and I can't see the keys anymore. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better.
rk
poster:rskontos
thread:798532
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071120/msgs/798639.html