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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on October 16, 2007, at 9:20:11
does anyone have a cliff i can jump off??
ok so over i feel like crawling under 20 tons of crap and dying there.
thats just how i feel,
then i this 'kid' sh@t i gotta deal with.
my IRL little one that i feel i failing terribly
my DH who still doesn't understand stuff.
my house is now a wreck cuz i have NO energy to clean anymoreand now?
my boss just came in a REAMED me for being 10 min late...10 Freaking min!
granted i was late yesterday too. but wtf? i add it at the end of the day! i DON"T SHORT HIM TIME!
so he said i am being officially reprimanded and "i'm in jeopardy again". meaning my job i guess if i don't shape up.so why do i even bother to breathe....
i can barely even see to type this. i just want to crawl in nice 6ft hole right now....:(````
Posted by pegasus on October 16, 2007, at 11:00:34
In reply to anyone have a cliff??, posted by B2chica on October 16, 2007, at 9:20:11
Oh, B2C, that's terrible. Did you get a chance to explain that you make up the time at the end of the day? 10 minutes seems pretty insignificant, unless you left customers or clients waiting or something. Especially if you make it up later.
I hope you know somewhere inside you that your boss being angry at you doesn't mean that you are worthless. That's just one angry person. Same for your husband not understanding. Just one person who doesn't get it - and he cares about you and loves you too even when he doesn't get it. Even if he sometimes gets frustrated. There are people here who get it, and who value you a lot. And we're more important than your boss. ;)
You are not failing your daughter. You are her mom, the only mom she has, and she needs and benefits from what you do give her. And you are giving it to her, as best as you can. Which is enough. I think it's really easy to feel that because there might be more that other people give, or more that you could give if your situation was different, that you're not good enough. But there is an infinite amount that we *could* theoretically give our kids. None of us are able to give that much. It doesn't mean that we are failures.
What's important is that you are there for her as much as you can be, and mother her as much as you can. And that you love her and let her know it. It's OK to let her see you not getting it right sometimes, and that you are trying to as much as you can. I think I see in your posts that you are doing that.
I'm sorry that it's so hard. I wish I could help. I'm sending you thoughts of strength and energy, and I wish it could help you carry it all a little farther.
peg
Posted by B2chica on October 16, 2007, at 12:01:01
In reply to Re: anyone have a cliff??, posted by pegasus on October 16, 2007, at 11:00:34
peg.
;|````
your words i really needed. you talk so well.
and i dont know what's wrong with him...(boss), he is very angry. but i feel like (since he knows about BP dx and that i go T every week) sometimes -like this- i feel like he's just building up reason to fire me.he's never like this over a lousy 10 min. sure it's 2 days in a row...but since i've been back from maternity leave (even before) but i haven't been late once!
so why's he acting like i'm ALWAYS doing this?but im already so low that it just frosting of sh@t that dumped on this cake of crap.
i guess its good i didn't cancel T today, otherwise i may want to jump out window...its just taking all i have not to breakdown and cry here @ work.
-better go before he sees me doing non work stuff...another reason to fire me.
Posted by Phillipa on October 16, 2007, at 12:02:08
In reply to Re: anyone have a cliff??, posted by pegasus on October 16, 2007, at 11:00:34
I would love to be more supportive but received bad news so I'm looking for the cliff too. But B2 I think you do a fine job from what I've read here. Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on October 16, 2007, at 16:38:13
In reply to Re: anyone have a cliff??, posted by Phillipa on October 16, 2007, at 12:02:08
B2C, I am sorry that you feel like the forces are lining up against you. Remember that it is important for us, to save something for ourselves. When we give and give and leave nothing for us we are exhausting ourselves too to the point of depression. I am beginning to see this as being someting of a starting point.
Your boss was just out of line. I don't know how old your irl kid is but they have stages where they get demanding too. They are precious children are but they can drain us if we let them. We have to pace ourselves as parents. I would say mothers but don't want to offend any dads. Your DH well again he just wants to fix it or just wants you to be well, it is understandable but aint gonna happen in the short term. I guess he doesn't understand the pressure or stress he causes when he does this. Maybe try to explain it to him when you are calm so he understands you are doing all you can do to get well but it is a process that takes the time it takes.
Don't stress yourself out anymore than you can. You are doing the best job of juggling all these roles as you can. You should get an award. I think you are doing great so hang in there!!! No cliff jumping yet.
And Phillipa I am sorry you rec'd bad news. Be well. Be kind to yourself too.
rk
Posted by Dory on October 16, 2007, at 21:30:40
In reply to anyone have a cliff??, posted by B2chica on October 16, 2007, at 9:20:11
i'm sorry B2.. i really am. things have been piling up on you.. i've been worried about that. It's got to be hard.. i admire that you have done so well.. i mean it. You have done well. It takes a lot to deal with all that life has thrown at you.. at a lot of us.
thank you for such a caring repsonse in my earlier thread. Remember what you said.. try not to circle too much.. don't fall in.
Posted by B2chica on October 17, 2007, at 7:41:34
In reply to Re: anyone have a cliff??, posted by rskontos on October 16, 2007, at 16:38:13
thnx RK.
yes, he WAS outta line. i guess part of me is upset because had i been feeling stronger/better i would have said something back to him...not have let him emotionally beat me the way he did.
i think it kinda triggered me cuz he sometimes gets off on making others intimidated or cry...but (smirk) given my history, theres' just no way i'm gonna show him that kind of emotion. i mean i've been intimidated and manipulated by some of the best...he's nothing. but in his world he is. so it made him even more mad when i didnt' respond the way he wanted.and my littlones almost 9 mo. :^), she's growing strong and healthy and i just have to remember that she needs me. no cliff jumping...or else who's gonna take care of her...MUST remember that.
and DH, bless his heart i know he was just trying to help but he made it worse when he felt the need to remind me that i CANT get fired cuz i'm the only one that has a steady income, and carry the health insurance and...blah blah...shoot myself now blah!
but THANK YOU rk. you said several things that i just need to remember. and well, i need to hear them too.
thanks
b2c
Posted by B2chica on October 17, 2007, at 7:44:47
In reply to (((((B2C)))))) » B2chica, posted by Dory on October 16, 2007, at 21:30:40
((((DORY))))
you are so caring. here you are going through so much right now. and you still help me.
your words made me feel so good. honestly, i can't remember the last time someone said "you have done well". seriously...i can't remember.
i normally pride myself in knowing that i don't need a lot of warm fuzzy's from people and that as long as I know i've done a good job. but the truth is...once in a while...its nice to hear.
ESPECIALLY from someone who REALLY knows all the crap we go through.
Thank You Dory.
Posted by Dory on October 17, 2007, at 8:49:03
In reply to Re: (((((B2C)))))) » Dory, posted by B2chica on October 17, 2007, at 7:44:47
you are more than welcome... and i meant it.
in all this crap as you say, and accurately, one thing i have learned is that direct statements like that are like little life rafts. It's what i ask my T for and it helps.
and shhhhh... i don't want any rumors going around that i am caring in some way... i have a reputation to uphold
Posted by B2chica on October 17, 2007, at 9:22:56
In reply to Re: (((((B2C)))))) » B2chica, posted by Dory on October 17, 2007, at 8:49:03
Posted by muffled on October 17, 2007, at 10:59:09
In reply to anyone have a cliff??, posted by B2chica on October 16, 2007, at 9:20:11
I not around much.
But I was thinking....
Y'know its like I trust you to be OK.
Cuz you remind me of me.
Maybe you should borrow my mantra.
"I be OK, always am"
"I'll survive, I always do"
I say these things when I dunno what else to say/do.
Your parts take care, its what they do.
You got it comming and going B2, you do. You got some work to do I s'pose, but you gonna make it thru, and you gonna be a GREAT Mom.
Not so easy, but lifes not generally easy. We just goto keep going, and try to be the best people we can be.
You special to me.
take care,
M
Posted by rskontos on October 17, 2007, at 11:04:15
In reply to Re: anyone have a cliff?? » B2chica, posted by muffled on October 17, 2007, at 10:59:09
B2c, 9 months that is a wonderful age and yes she needs her mama. It must be hard to be all that you have to be now. The main bread winner and all. But you are strong and muffled is right your parts do help out even when you think they get in the way. They have helped you stay sane. That is what my T told me. So you have survived and you will but I understand it is hard. My children are 19, a daughter and my son, is 14 almost 15 and they are joy. But I think that is part of why I feel apart. I have no more identity. They don't need me like they did. And now I am drifting. I need a job but don't feel whole enough to get one and I never grew up enough to know what I want to do. And now with my whatevers coming out too scarey. Plus I am a house hermit. Anyway, this isn't bout me and my issues, it is about what a superb job you are doing. You are coping. You are doing well. You help others here too. You are a great person I know you are. rk
Posted by B2chica on October 17, 2007, at 13:17:36
In reply to Re: anyone have a cliff?? » B2chica, posted by muffled on October 17, 2007, at 10:59:09
awwwwwwww!
you gave me big smile muffy!
Posted by B2chica on October 17, 2007, at 13:21:15
In reply to Re: anyone have a cliff??, posted by rskontos on October 17, 2007, at 11:04:15
ya, i do like this age she's just really showing a personality now.
and...i already forsee issues when my littleone(s) leave home.and i never really "knew" what i wanted to do. i just sort of fell into this position.
and.....wooow! i too am a House Hermit! i Love that term.
i like to go home (first thing) and get into my comfy clothes and curl up with littleone.
and well, i like hearing bout your stuff cuz then i know i'm not alone and you understand cuz you been there or similar.
THANK you RK
This is the end of the thread.
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