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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by catlady on October 15, 2007, at 23:11:43
I had my last appointment with my therapist of 5 years on October 10. I start with a new therapist tomorrow. The problem is right now I am so angry and sad. I had exactly 3 weeks for closure. It doesn't feel like enough. For another thing I didn't feel like I got a good goodbye. I wanted her to give me a big hug goodbye, but she said she had another client so what I felt like saying was don't let me take your time from your precious client. I did get a hug goodbye, but it was like your everyday hug--nothing special. I told her I loved her, she thanked me so be careful before you tell your therapist that. Don't expect them to say they love you too. Even though I thought after 5 years she might have. I was somewhat disappointed over that too. A part of me feels like an idiot for being so trusting and honest with her. I get no promises that I will see her again. A part of me thinks you almost have to be cruel to be a therapist. How can you work with someone so long and not want to keep some sort of contact with them and see how they are doing, and in a way act so uncaring. I hope am not offending anyone. I just feel really hurt, angry, disillusioned and sad right now.
Posted by Dinah on October 16, 2007, at 9:50:19
In reply to Well it is officially over with my therapist., posted by catlady on October 15, 2007, at 23:11:43
> I just feel really hurt, angry, disillusioned and sad right now.
I think those are perfectly appropriate feelings. She gave you so little time to work through those feelings too. Five years is a long time.
Therapists are human, unfortunately. A lot can be going on with her. Maybe she's feeling defensive about leaving, since she must understand on some level how her clients are feeling. Maybe she had to shut down emotionally to get through it all. And of course they *do* keep some professional distance that we're not trained to keep. That seems sort of unfair, really. I guess it's the only way they can be helpful to us, but it's still unfair.
I think grieving and anger are perfectly reasonable responses.
Posted by pegasus on October 16, 2007, at 10:34:59
In reply to Well it is officially over with my therapist., posted by catlady on October 15, 2007, at 23:11:43
I'm so sorry that it had to end with so little time. I agree with Dinah that it is completely understandable that you would be left with anger, sadness, and disillusionment . Three weeks is not nearly enough time to resolve anything that ending a 5-year relationship would naturally bring up. Of course you are angry and disillusioned. It just shouldn't ever end that way, and it's not fair to you that it did.
Did your T ever acknowledge any of that? Did you ever find out why it had to end so quickly? Those things can help, I think. But I get the impression that you didn't even get that much from her. Which would be really tragic.
And having your goodbye not go the way you needed it to is, of course, very painful. I'm so sorry that it couldn't be better for you.
So very, very sorry about all of it. Please try to take care of yourself. I hope your new T is everything that you need.
peg
Posted by moonlightsonata on October 21, 2007, at 21:32:29
In reply to Well it is officially over with my therapist., posted by catlady on October 15, 2007, at 23:11:43
Hi catlady,
I am so sorry that you're struggling and grieving right now. In a few months, I have to move away and leave my therapist, and I dread it every day.I;ve never hugged her....never touched her except for shaking hands the day we met. I want to ask her for a hug so badly, but I'm scared she'll say no, and I wouldn't be able to survive that. I want to tell her I love her, but I won't be able to bear it if she just says thanks.
I am so scared that the pain of saying goodbye will be crippling. I've lost others in the past, and just can't keep going through it. I've been in therapy for 5 yrs, and want to try to go it alone after I move, but the thought of being alone terrifies me. Then again, the thought of starting over with someone new, of spending so long rehashing everything I've told my current T, it kills me to think about.
I'm just so scared and so full of dread.
This is the end of the thread.
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