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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:02:38
I think I know what triggered it, and I don't feel like a very good person because of it.
Hearing about other people's success should make me happy for them, instead often what happens is that I start comparing myself to them and then I start feeling like a loser.
I hate that I think this. I want to feel happy for my friends' successes.
I started thinking of how unsuccessful I am in life tonight and I got really depressed. I almost got to the point of wanting to die. The way I think makes a big difference in my mood.
It just so happened that I also skipped one of my meds today, but then I checked the half-life of it and it's 9 days, so there's no possibility of that affecting my mood.
So it is for sure my thinking that made me depressed. But it wasn't real depression, it was more like a wave of sadness. I'm OK again, but still not happy.
My pdoc told me not to compare myself to other people. I need to work on that.
Posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:18:56
In reply to I felt like giving up tonight, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:02:38
:-(
I'm still sad. I feel like giving up. Don't want to wake up. :-(
I haven't thought these thoughts in a long time.
How can I just switch like this?
I want to switch back.
Posted by Dory on October 13, 2007, at 23:56:53
In reply to Re: I felt like giving up tonight, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:18:56
Deneb, i am going to be very reserved in what i say. i have come to care about you for being you, quirkiness and all. i don't want you to think that the way to get attention is through negative means. i think you know that now, i think you did a lot of hard work to get to that point. Everything i am saying i am trying to say in a positive way so i hope it comes out right.
You know from experience that it is likely your thinking which has lead you to feel so bad. You have been through this before.
It does *not* mean that feeling bad isn't valid for you. You have as much right as anyone else to feel bad sometimes. It's a normal thing to sometimes compare yourself to others and maybe feel bad. i do it, and so does everyone else. The thing is to know when to stop and to not allow it to get you down. You made a big step by knowing that it's your thinking that caused this.
But you know the things to do right? You have been taught how to make changes in your thinking. If you made a list of all the positives in your life, you'd feel pretty good... especially compare those positives to how things were even a year ago.
remember, other people aren't walking in your shoes. i think about other people sometimes and i have to remind myself that they don't have all the medical problems i have. i get jealous that my friend runs triathalons... i can't even do a 1hr walk. But that's not what life is about and it doesn't get us very far right?
There is a great poem called the Dessiderata (sp?) which says "...do not compare yourself to others as there will always be those who are greater or lesser than yourself.."
there are people with more money and better jobs and there are people on the street without a dime.
you're doing good deneb. Life isn't a contest.
so people care ok? you're a good person and you are doing good. Take pride in who you are and how far you have come.
Posted by Phillipa on October 13, 2007, at 23:57:18
In reply to Re: I felt like giving up tonight, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:18:56
Deneb how long ago was the med due? Could you take it now? Or was it a morning med? Do you have a med for sleep? And you are a wonderful person who has come so far getting well. Phillipa
Posted by Racer on October 14, 2007, at 3:30:37
In reply to I felt like giving up tonight, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:02:38
Hey, Deneb. Wanna compare yourself with me? First off, in most every sense you can think of, you're far and away ahead of me. But let's try some of the obvious things:
My full adult height was 5'8.75" tall. Wouldn't you like to be tall like that? Probably you would -- because I certainly always wanted to be about 4'11"!
My red hair is wavy, and waves into shapes if I don't blow it dry. I'll bet you've got straight hair, right? And I'll bet you've always wanted wavy hair -- because I always wanted stick straight hair!
I could go on, but I won't bother. I'm just trying to show that there are two sides to a lot of those comparisons. There's even a poem about it, by A. E. Housman:
OH fair enough are sky and plain,
But I know fairer far:
Those are as beautiful again
That in the water are;
The pools and rivers wash so clean
The trees and clouds and air,
The like on earth was never seen,
And oh that I were there.
These are the thoughts I often think
As I stand gazing down
In act upon the cressy brink
To strip and dive and drown;
But in the golden-sanded brooks
And azure meres I spy
A silly lad that longs and looks
And wishes he were I.Here's some advice for you, Deneb:
Don't compare yourself with others. You're not better, nor worse, than others -- you're different. If you feel like making any comparisons, make them against yourself. Compare where you were, say, two years ago, with where you are now. Compare how much insight you've gained with where you were then.
You're doing very well, Deneb. Just remember that there has to be some sadness, in order for happiness to be appreciated.
Posted by Dory on October 14, 2007, at 8:54:38
In reply to Wanna compare yourself with me? » Deneb, posted by Racer on October 14, 2007, at 3:30:37
very nice racer, esp the part about needing sadness to have happiness.
it occurred to me deneb that there is one thing you have or are doing which most people you will meet will never do. You have spent a lot of time questioning yourself and exploring who you are. Most people never do that, they are too afraid. Be proud of yourself for doing that.
Posted by sunnydays on October 14, 2007, at 10:01:18
In reply to Re: I felt like giving up tonight, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:18:56
(((((Deneb)))))
I'm going through a rough patch too. I know what you mean about those waves of sadness. My T keeps assuring me they are transitory and won't last. I'm glad you're aware of what probably triggered it. Take it easy on yourself when you're feeling that way - do something relaxing. I hope you're feeling better today.
sunnydays
Posted by Poet on October 14, 2007, at 12:44:50
In reply to I felt like giving up tonight, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:02:38
Hi Deneb,
Don't give up, you've really done so many things that you never thought you could do. You went to Toronto last year, and you went to Washington, D.C. this year and will hopefully (me, too) go to the APA conference there next year.
It's hard to feel happy for someone else when they have success at something that you wish you were successful at. I guess you have to try to find things that you are successful at that are different than their successes. Example: my sister has had the career success I covet, but she's never owned her own home. I still want that dream job, but I know for a fact she envies me because I have a house.
Try hard not to beat yourself up and don't give up.
Poet
Posted by Dinah on October 14, 2007, at 13:14:36
In reply to I felt like giving up tonight, posted by Deneb on October 13, 2007, at 23:02:38
Deneb, I know it doesn't make it easier, but I'm guessing most people feel that way from time to time.
And it sometimes comes out of the blue.
Remind yourself of what your therapist told you, and remember that this too shall pass.
(And remind me of that too, when necessary.)
Posted by happyflower on October 14, 2007, at 16:04:31
In reply to Re: I felt like giving up tonight » Deneb, posted by Poet on October 14, 2007, at 12:44:50
Hey Deneb,
I also compair myself to other people, I think a lot of us do that. But thinking you are not as good as others is what concerns me. You are better than you think. Just think how close you are to getting your degree! I would be excited! Plus you know what? Money isn't everything. My husband works for some millionaires and they are some of the most unhappy people I have ever met. SO it is what you do that makes you happy that is more important than how much money you make.
Poet said she might be going to the next APA conference, well I think I am going too with my prof. to present! We could have a big party! ;-) yeah! Plus I might need someone I know in the audience so I don't freak out! STAGE FRIGHT!!! EKK! Maybe you could give me some pointers since you have done it already! l
Keep truckin along Deneb! You will be okay!
Posted by Deneb on October 14, 2007, at 19:24:01
In reply to Re: I felt like giving up tonight » Deneb, posted by Dory on October 13, 2007, at 23:56:53
Wow, I'm amazed at the responses I got. I feel much better right now. I spent the day studying. I have to go eat dinner now, but I'm going to respond more in-depth.
Thanks everyone
Posted by Deneb on October 16, 2007, at 23:50:08
In reply to Re: I felt like giving up tonight, posted by happyflower on October 14, 2007, at 16:04:31
Thank-you everyone.
Dory, Phillipa, Racer, sunnydays, Poet, Dinah, Happyflower
I'm feeling much better now. You're right about life not being a contest Dory.
Phillipa, the med was Prozac, it has a really long half life so missing one dose wouldn't do anything I think.
Racer, comparing myself with myself is a more useful thing to do. I will do that instead.
(((sunnydays)))) sorry you're hurting right now.
Poet, you're right, everyone has strengths and weaknesses. We are different.
Dinah, it passed already! That was quick. LOL
Happyflower, you're right, money isn't everything. I think I would rather be happy than rich.
This is the end of the thread.
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