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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 16:47:12
I'm working along in therapy with my "new" (now not so new) therapist. He is always very calm and attentive, and is highly thought of in my city. But I wasn't really sure if he was a really good "fit" for me- until today.
T: "I notice that you are remembering more about previous sessions now than you did earlier" (After the painful rupture with the previous therapist, I had been dissociating quite a lot in sessions- because, I think- I was so afraid of being abandonned again by another therapist).
me: "yes- you're right- I'm not so terrified now"
T: "it's very hard for you to believe that I would want to work with you, isn't it?"
me: "yes- very hard"
T: "but I do want to."
I suddenly believed him! I could see in his eyes that he meant it, and began to feel so happy.
me: "I am remembering more, but I don't know if that even matters too much. There's something else happening here which is wonderful, but there aren't any words for it"
T: "yes, there is......a sort of knowing which we are sharing .I wish it weren't such a hit and miss matter for patients to find therapists with whom they are a really good "fit".
me: "we are, aren't we?"
T: "yes, we are."
Then, back to working. But from now on, I'll always know that I've finally found someone with whom I really "fit", and that there are these amazing, non-verbal forms of knowing and relating going on between us. It feels so healing to me, and because he has begun smiling. even laughing at times, as well as making more spontaneous comments, I feel that he, also, thinks the therapy is going as he hoped it would. It's so mysterious- it feels at times as if our unconscious minds are in contact- that his is helping mine grow and be different.
Posted by Dory on September 28, 2007, at 18:24:41
In reply to something really nice...., posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 16:47:12
that really was a beautiful moment and a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it. i am truly happy for you to have that pearl to carry with you, and that is what it is, it won't be tainted by anything.. you now own a moment in time that brings you joy and you can always take it out and look at it.
i find it makes me sigh though... my T and i are a good fit but we are still working out kinks here and there... kinks which i seem seriously intent on finding or creating... but what strikes me as weird about us in comparison to what you are saying is that the laughter and spontanaity are kind of a problem. One big thing is that i hide and defend myself by keeping everyone entertained. i make him laugh and i'm pretty good at it. i make him laugh when i know he wished he hadn't. My bad. i get a kick out of it, even though it's really not the best use of my money.
we have this great chemistry but we seem to misstep a lot... he hasn't been able to nail me down into serious mode... i squeeze out of hard questions with retarded answers. He said something i found hurtful and i told him it was like so many other times... he said "but what is different about this time?" and i said "um... i'm paying for it?"
Posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 19:03:10
In reply to Re: something really nice.... » twinleaf, posted by Dory on September 28, 2007, at 18:24:41
Thank you, Dory. To give a more complete picture, this wonderful moment occurred after seven months when we definitely had some misteps- not like yours, but a different set of them, arising out of my fears and defenses. From what you are saying, you know you also have a good fit, but that your regular way of being, and defending against painful things- is to feel you have to entertain. I'd venture to say that as you feel that need less, some of the same really connected feelings will become a greater part of your therapy. Don't you think so?
Posted by muffled on September 28, 2007, at 21:38:31
In reply to something really nice...., posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 16:47:12
Posted by RealMe on September 28, 2007, at 21:47:59
In reply to something really nice...., posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 16:47:12
That is so great, twinleaf, and I know exactly what you mean. It happened to me today too. Let's go celebrate!!!! LOL. I felt really good after today except for one comment my T made, and I know I misinterpreted what he meant. So, when this happens, we talk about it, and it helps him to know more and more my sensitivities. I have been seeing my T for almost five months now. Last T I saw for two years, and I liked him, but he really did not know how to work with me, and I just could never accept it until this past May. Take care.
RealMe
(OzLand)
Posted by Dory on September 29, 2007, at 19:50:55
In reply to Re: something really nice.... » Dory, posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 19:03:10
i do think so... if we can find a way to make that happen.. i mean, i have friends that i have known for over ten years and i still "perform" for them.. it's going to take a lot of work on his part to help me understand how not to do that. Some of it is circumstances, a lot of it actually.. and when the atmosphere is right i just become someone else.
we have been together about the same amount of time... i'm just like a fortress. i never understood just how bad my level of mistrust was.. a women i know who understands me very well (she works in mental health and has known me for years) recently told me she was impressed at how much i trust my T at this point, that he must be doing a great job. :o) That made me feel good but it was weird too.. i never knew... i never understood how bad it was.
you should be very proud of yourself :o) and feel very blessed to have such a good match. i believe it makes all the difference in the world.
Posted by twinleaf on September 29, 2007, at 20:12:39
In reply to Re: something really nice.... » twinleaf, posted by Dory on September 29, 2007, at 19:50:55
It sounds like you and your T are doing really well together! And a knowledgeable friend noticed that. I guess we all have these fearful, well-defended areas- different for each of us. I'm not sure we can control the process (and timing) by which our trust increases, and we are able to express what's behind the defenses. Just feeling that things are going in the right direction seems awfully good, though, doesn't it? I know that I have things that I don't feel ready to discuss yet, but I'm looking forward to a time when I'll be able to.
Posted by antigua3 on October 1, 2007, at 8:28:50
In reply to something really nice...., posted by twinleaf on September 28, 2007, at 16:47:12
I'm very happy for you; you certainly deserve it after all you've been through.
I've been seeing this pdoc for more than two years now, and while I have a great T, my pdoc and I decided that since we always needed more time at our appts., that we would begin therapy together. It has been very hit and miss over the two years--a couple of great sessions, but a whole lot of misunderstandings, so many that I thought I should stop with him. But my T convinced me that the problem was that I wasn't being open enough with my pdoc in my feelings for him.
So, I wrote him a long letter outlining my feelings and what I expected from therapy with him, and I swear, when I went to see him last week, I met a new person. I assume it was because he understands me better now, but whatever it is, it was so much better. Our whole relationship has changed for the better and I think it just may work out now.
best,
antigua
Posted by twinleaf on October 4, 2007, at 0:19:47
In reply to Re: something really nice.... » twinleaf, posted by antigua3 on October 1, 2007, at 8:28:50
That's wonderful! So you are actually going to have therapy with two peopke at the same time? It sounds as though your regular (great) therapist is very aware that you have a lot of strong tranference feelings towards your pdoc, and wanted you to have the chance to work on them. That seems very unusual and resourceful of her. And it's fascinating how much the pdoc changed after you wrote him. It sounds as if there is a lot of potential there for a mutual commitment to meaningful therapy. The only down-side I see is it might be hard to remember what you have said to each one!
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