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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on September 25, 2007, at 12:50:02
I have a question for all those with 'littleones' inside... (inner kids).
it seems that it is easier for my little-one to talk about the abuse than it is for me (the adult).
lately i've been talking about other things and i need to get back on track. i'm feeling a little uneasy today but not near dissociating (i don't think).
i wish that i could 'call up' my little one so that she can be there for session. but so far she just comes out when she wants to.is there anyone that can 'switch' to their inner kids when needed? is it possible? if so, what do you do to do that?
any advice i'll take.
thanks
b2c
Posted by arora on September 25, 2007, at 14:18:31
In reply to All those with inner kids...., posted by B2chica on September 25, 2007, at 12:50:02
I don't really know how to call mine up- it's only recently I've been aware that when something triggers me so that I react in a really over-the-top way... either angrily or defensively, I realise that it's her. Being frightened and lashing out.
I've started trying to sooth her by telling her and myself that it's ok... she doesn't trust me, though.
I've done quite deep meditations where I've tried to communicate with her, but she is very wary- to her, I'm just another adult who has hurt her. She is pretty much split off- she stays in a place most of the time where she felt safe when I was a child, and she doesn't like me to approach her.
I don't think I would have any luck calling her up for a session, either... I wouldn't have been able to share anything like that with my ex-T, :-0 !
arora
Posted by muffled on September 25, 2007, at 17:37:29
In reply to All those with inner kids...., posted by B2chica on September 25, 2007, at 12:50:02
> I have a question for all those with 'littleones' inside... (inner kids).
> it seems that it is easier for my little-one to talk about the abuse than it is for me (the adult).
> lately i've been talking about other things and i need to get back on track. i'm feeling a little uneasy today but not near dissociating (i don't think).
> i wish that i could 'call up' my little one so that she can be there for session. but so far she just comes out when she wants to.
>
> is there anyone that can 'switch' to their inner kids when needed? is it possible? if so, what do you do to do that?
>
Do you have more than one?
Cuz thats a challenge.
One of mine really likes my t.
The other day my T told an example bout presents in a basket, and rooting thru the basket, and she EVEN demo'd it! LOL, well, my kid was ALL OVER IT!!!!! ROFL. I couldn't speak, but my face was bout to break smiling!I felt REALLY ridiculous,cuz there's even physical aspects to it when its that strong. But I shoved her back.
So mebbe T could entice kid out with a story or actually doing something that you figger will 'hook' the kid? Mebbe a happy thing to start, then you can work towards asking her some questions..... or, build trust as necc....
Goto go, just some thots.
M
Posted by B2chica on September 26, 2007, at 8:39:39
In reply to All those with inner kids...., posted by B2chica on September 25, 2007, at 12:50:02
i got scared/freaked out by this session.ok, so when i went to session i kinda stalling to talk about little sh@t and about five minutes in i told T...i'm stalling and i told her i need to talk bout stuff, but i dont' want to, but if i wait it will be harder and harder...blah blah.
so she said lets do a list, we'll start with easy stuff then move on...
we did.
so i FINALLY started talking about abuse...(i have pictures to act as a list to talk about.) and i showed her one of my pics and started talking...i told her sometimes it was almost easier for littleone to talk than for me...she asked why? and then said that lets try b2 talk today and then we can ask littleone how that felt....
well, that kinda did it...the more i tried to stay me...the more she tried to come out. and before i knew it...there she was. this time she was kinda angry too. usually she just sad.Here's the thing. i kinda got a bit freaked out...cuz...well.
i blanked out a little while i was her. i mean usually i (b2) know when littleone is talking...i mean i'm present but just not in control.
i just remember littleone being angry about memory...and then i'm me and i stopped crying and looked up at T and she asked me how it felt that she mistook me....(or something like that)
???? i didn't know WTF she was talking about...i just gazed at her Scrounging my brain to remember what she meant...i didn't have a CLUE.
i started to get REALLY scared i thought maybe i wasnt understanding her...then she started to say something else about it and i started to cry and told her i didn't know what she was talking about, i don't remember saying anything about that.
She smiled and said it was ok...that what had happened was that she thought i was b2 again (cuz my posture changes when i'm littleone) and my posture changed to b2 and she thought i was b2 and T started talking about littleone and saying "she"...well, littleone was still present and got mad or something and started yelling saying it was still her...and whatever else.
anyway...i didn't remember ANY of this!
so it REALLY freaked me out...i was blubbering asking her if that meant i was getting worse.
She thought that what happened...if i remember her words right....was that while i was dissociated as littleone and retelling trauma that it was traumatic retelling and it was So real that 'littleone' dissociated. and that's why i don't remember.You talk about Freaking out.
before she said that i think i was starting to hyperventilate...all i could think about was that i was getting worse. and that letting littleone come out was making things worse.But i did tell her that, when me (b2) is back i feel kinda stupid for the words i say as littleone...but...that it is just SO REAL. and it feels SOOO good to let her talk (like her).
Soooooo, we've decided that maybe for now it is better that little one does the talking. cuz maybe she need to do the talking.
**********************hey muffy.
ya i got more than one. mostly little-one comes out in T office. Teen only came out once to her...and old lady never has...but i haven't experienced her in a while either.
Posted by cactus on September 26, 2007, at 17:01:00
In reply to OK...here's how it went..., posted by B2chica on September 26, 2007, at 8:39:39
yeah I have one but he doesn't visit much these days , which is sad because he's so much fun. I wish I could find a way to bring him back more often. I have been rather vile lately and nearly had a meltdown at work yesterday. If he was there I would have been fine. We could have sang silly songs and done silly things and played stupid gags. I really miss him
Posted by muffled on September 27, 2007, at 11:42:02
In reply to OK...here's how it went..., posted by B2chica on September 26, 2007, at 8:39:39
>
> i got scared/freaked out by this session.((B2C))
> well, that kinda did it...the more i tried to stay me...the more she tried to come out. and before i knew it...there she was. this time she was kinda angry too. usually she just sad.*yeah, sometimes its hard to hold 'em back..
> Here's the thing. i kinda got a bit freaked out...cuz...well.
> i blanked out a little while i was her. i mean usually i (b2) know when littleone is talking...i mean i'm present but just not in control.*thats how it is for me as far as I know.
> i just remember littleone being angry about memory...and then i'm me and i stopped crying and looked up at T and she asked me how it felt that she mistook me....(or something like that)
> ???? i didn't know WTF she was talking about...i just gazed at her Scrounging my brain to remember what she meant...i didn't have a CLUE.**oh crap, yeah, maybe I do know bout this but don't weant to think of it. But anyways, scarey.
> She smiled and said it was ok...that what had happened was that she thought i was b2 again (cuz my posture changes when i'm littleone) and my posture changed to b2 and she thought i was b2 and T started talking about littleone and saying "she"...well, littleone was still present and got mad or something and started yelling saying it was still her...and whatever else.
*yup my ikid, *that* one, yeah, she seems to want to be herself too.
> anyway...i didn't remember ANY of this!
> so it REALLY freaked me out...i was blubbering asking her if that meant i was getting worse.
> She thought that what happened...if i remember her words right....was that while i was dissociated as littleone and retelling trauma that it was traumatic retelling and it was So real that 'littleone' dissociated. and that's why i don't remember.* that sounds logical. And if you were shoved right back too(dissociated yourself), then I guess little b2 can dissociate too. I dunno. I just know that initially when I went to T I would not remember entire sessions. I'd remember beginning, or sometimes 'bits', but there were also complete blanks. It was freaky. But at least, as far as I know, I was proly me? or an adult version of me.
I used to have blackouts from drinking, so this 'blanking out', isn't such a freaky thing to me I suppose.
> You talk about Freaking out.
> before she said that i think i was starting to hyperventilate...all i could think about was that i was getting worse. and that letting littleone come out was making things worse.*I not a professional, and I scared to let my T see my people, so I don't suppose I one to talk, but, well, I guess i wonder that myself...whether letting my T see my ikids, whether it'll make them stronger somehow? But then I think, I am so miserable, I guess i bout ready to let them have their say. I dunno. I just know its SO F'ing hard to do :-( And I know I admire your strength and love for your irl kid B2.
> But i did tell her that, when me (b2) is back i feel kinda stupid for the words i say as littleone...but...that it is just SO REAL. and it feels SOOO good to let her talk (like her).*exactly. Its a releif to let them 'be' after containing them so long. But ya, I feel like a freak too. And I have denied and denied ands denied my people, but it IS so. They DO exist. They ARE. Sigh.
> Soooooo, we've decided that maybe for now it is better that little one does the talking. cuz maybe she need to do the talking.
**Maybe you'll come to admire this little one. One of mine I just love, she is a good kid, she really trys to help.
I have one that I am supposed to 'parent', but my other kid told my T in an e-mail that I hate that kid and won't parent her....and its the truth :-(> hey muffy.
> ya i got more than one. mostly little-one comes out in T office. Teen only came out once to her...and old lady never has...but i haven't experienced her in a while either.
>
**Ya I find it confusing, cuz sometimes I dunno where stuff is comming from, WHO its comming from. But I getting better at it.
Hang in there B2.
Great post. Its helpful to me too.
Thanks.
M
Posted by RealMe on September 27, 2007, at 22:12:48
In reply to OK...here's how it went..., posted by B2chica on September 26, 2007, at 8:39:39
It is a good thing you let T know of everyone so she can help you with them getting to know each other and become know to each other. Then there is the integration; I am sure you have heard of this. It does not mean parts go away, but that they just become part of the cs you and when you can handle it. I think this is great.
RealMe
Posted by antigua3 on September 28, 2007, at 6:48:18
In reply to OK...here's how it went..., posted by B2chica on September 26, 2007, at 8:39:39
I can only imagine how difficult that was for you. My inner children have never come out in a session. I have several of them, which I can talk to, but they never come out. I've never allowed it, although I can talk to my t about them. So, you should be very proud that you trusted enough to do this.
Keep saying, "it will get better, it will get better," and hug that beautiful baby of yours. She is at such a great age now, I remember how much fun they are.
take care,
antigua
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