Posted by B2chica on September 26, 2007, at 8:39:39
In reply to All those with inner kids...., posted by B2chica on September 25, 2007, at 12:50:02
i got scared/freaked out by this session.ok, so when i went to session i kinda stalling to talk about little sh@t and about five minutes in i told T...i'm stalling and i told her i need to talk bout stuff, but i dont' want to, but if i wait it will be harder and harder...blah blah.
so she said lets do a list, we'll start with easy stuff then move on...
we did.
so i FINALLY started talking about abuse...(i have pictures to act as a list to talk about.) and i showed her one of my pics and started talking...i told her sometimes it was almost easier for littleone to talk than for me...she asked why? and then said that lets try b2 talk today and then we can ask littleone how that felt....
well, that kinda did it...the more i tried to stay me...the more she tried to come out. and before i knew it...there she was. this time she was kinda angry too. usually she just sad.Here's the thing. i kinda got a bit freaked out...cuz...well.
i blanked out a little while i was her. i mean usually i (b2) know when littleone is talking...i mean i'm present but just not in control.
i just remember littleone being angry about memory...and then i'm me and i stopped crying and looked up at T and she asked me how it felt that she mistook me....(or something like that)
???? i didn't know WTF she was talking about...i just gazed at her Scrounging my brain to remember what she meant...i didn't have a CLUE.
i started to get REALLY scared i thought maybe i wasnt understanding her...then she started to say something else about it and i started to cry and told her i didn't know what she was talking about, i don't remember saying anything about that.
She smiled and said it was ok...that what had happened was that she thought i was b2 again (cuz my posture changes when i'm littleone) and my posture changed to b2 and she thought i was b2 and T started talking about littleone and saying "she"...well, littleone was still present and got mad or something and started yelling saying it was still her...and whatever else.
anyway...i didn't remember ANY of this!
so it REALLY freaked me out...i was blubbering asking her if that meant i was getting worse.
She thought that what happened...if i remember her words right....was that while i was dissociated as littleone and retelling trauma that it was traumatic retelling and it was So real that 'littleone' dissociated. and that's why i don't remember.You talk about Freaking out.
before she said that i think i was starting to hyperventilate...all i could think about was that i was getting worse. and that letting littleone come out was making things worse.But i did tell her that, when me (b2) is back i feel kinda stupid for the words i say as littleone...but...that it is just SO REAL. and it feels SOOO good to let her talk (like her).
Soooooo, we've decided that maybe for now it is better that little one does the talking. cuz maybe she need to do the talking.
**********************hey muffy.
ya i got more than one. mostly little-one comes out in T office. Teen only came out once to her...and old lady never has...but i haven't experienced her in a while either.
poster:B2chica
thread:785104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070916/msgs/785273.html