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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:02:37
Okay, I suppose a full description is necessary, but forgive my crappy memory surely more details will be forthcoming. He agreed to take me on as a patient/client/person whatever, and 2x a week, which I suggested to him was probably desirable in keeping my symptoms from building up too much in the pressure cooker.
First of all- smart words regarding the mixed feelings one has after completing an opus. The experience of feeling like a fraud, the uncertainty, the fear of the future. It helped a lot when my words resonated with his, and vice versa.
I spoke about 2 recent family gettogethers, and I was reminded by happyflower's post above how various incidents are replayed in the abuser's mind with some kind of sick glee. Call it sadism? I dunno. He wants to know more details "can you tell about that?" crap. I suppose I MUST. Good social llurpsie says sure, I'll tell, but only in superficial terms, or using episodes that are not quite so ___
An interesting development- he said that I seem to know myself well. (wow!) I think I should give my oTher a lot of credit in that. I read a lot of books about knowing onesself too. And books about human nature. that kind of stuff. I try to let wise words sink in. I guess it shows. hmm. REPEAT AFTER ME, Llurpsie- YOU can take credit for knowing more about YOU than ever before. hmmph whatever.
I got a referral for a pdoc, who will take my insurance, and whose receptionist sounded cheery and patient on the phone. He's booked pretty solid, but I put myself on the waiting list. otherwise I see him in a couple of weeks. (note to self- klonopin will last me everyday one pill until then. Days without major incidents/days with too much geodon-sedation can be handled with minimal klonopin, saving some for acute ick)
And quieT remembered a lot of things about our first session, which was what? 2 weeks ago? Suggested good ways to keep myself occupied.
I was able to drive to his office, with confidence, 'cause I had my husband show me how yesterday. I was even able to navigate to a coffeeshop, where I had to down 3 cups really fast between 8-9am, because I was SO geodon-groggy. Horrible feeling to be driving and feel like a vampire at dawn, with the sun's rays burning my retina's wishing to crawl into a mossy hole and into a secure niche.
((((niche))))
Where the hell is my niche, both vampirically and biologically, socially, psychologically. I feel like a free spirit in need of some anchoring.
-Ll
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:58:03
In reply to my new quieT, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:02:37
Shoot, I already told him history of trauma. Can I just get a fresh start, and not tell him history of trauma? I guess I have days when it's not that important to me. Why does it always come back to that? Is my family THAT dysfunctional?
At some point in my session today I felt like I had nothing more to say, it was close to the hour being up, so I just stood up. Do other people do that?
I just have a "sense" when it's over, but maybe I was a bit preemptive.
Avoidant of rehashing old stuff. Do I have to?
-Ll
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 17:24:57
In reply to can we just pretend no trauma?, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:58:03
> Shoot, I already told him history of trauma. Can I just get a fresh start, and not tell him history of trauma? I guess I have days when it's not that important to me. Why does it always come back to that? Is my family THAT dysfunctional?
>
I think you can pretend that you had no trauma for a while if it helps, but eventually you do have to come to gripes with it. I think pretending it didn't happen to me while growing me up actually helped me survive it. Who wants to live with such a terrible truth?
Then day I realized I was abused and telling myself the truth about what happened was a huge step for me.
> At some point in my session today I felt like I had nothing more to say, it was close to the hour being up, so I just stood up. Do other people do that?No, actually I am clinging onto his leg, begging him to not make me go. LOL Just kidding, but I did tell him today I didn't want to leave and that I was going to have a temper tantrum. LOL
He usually says something to end the session and he stand up after that and I follow like a good puppy. But I have never ended it myself.He tried to cheer me up at the end and threw a nerf ball at me and well, he has bad aim, because it hit me in the boob! He says I need to toughen up, yeah right. I said you don't want to see the tough me. Then he said, oh, yeah, I think I did before and I didn't like it too much! lol
> I just have a "sense" when it's over, but maybe I was a bit preemptive.
>
> Avoidant of rehashing old stuff. Do I have to?
>
You don't have to do anything Llurpsie, or you can do what you can when you can. Take it easy girl, this is a new T, and you can work at your own pace.About another post were it said you felt like a free spirt. Well I am jelous, because this free spirt happy flower girl want to be let go! Take care!
Posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2007, at 23:24:43
In reply to Re: can we just pretend no trauma? » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 17:24:57
Sounds to me like the session when well as you opened up first time . Congratulations a good thing. Love Phillipa
Posted by Honore on June 14, 2007, at 9:56:50
In reply to can we just pretend no trauma?, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:58:03
I'm glad you told him, but you don't have to go there every time. Maybe it's a lot better to have days when you forget, when you have good times, and feel close in a warmer, more accepted way.
Why not? trauma isn't everything. it isn't even pretending no trauma-- it's enjoy the parts of you, which are many, that aren't defined, or limited, or touched by the trauma.
He should understand that-- I hope-- and let you be carefree-- gives space to parts of you to grow that aren't in trauma, & new things to flourish.
Honore
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 14, 2007, at 14:19:19
In reply to Re: can we just pretend no trauma? » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Honore on June 14, 2007, at 9:56:50
> I'm glad you told him, but you don't have to go there every time. Maybe it's a lot better to have days when you forget, when you have good times, and feel close in a warmer, more accepted way.
>
> Why not? trauma isn't everything. it isn't even pretending no trauma-- it's enjoy the parts of you, which are many, that aren't defined, or limited, or touched by the trauma.
>
> He should understand that-- I hope-- and let you be carefree-- gives space to parts of you to grow that aren't in trauma, & new things to flourish.
>
> HonoreYeah, you're right. One of the reasons I like this T is because he seemed to talk about my whole person rather than talk about other people with my condition. (whatever THAT is)
I don't reduce everything to trauma, and I'd hate for a T to do that with me. He seemed to bring up a number of things about me that were not related to any mental disorder, and picked up on a couple of my strengths (and wasn't afraid to tell them to my disbelieving face).
I don't want a T who will always just go back to the sore spot and pick at it. I also don't want a T that will flatter me when I look like I'm struggling to believe in myself. I want a T with a good memory. I want a T that will not flinch when I do something unexpected. (my current T told me that there were a few major things I did that caught her completely off guard, but at the time I did it, she seemed completely nonplussed. what an actress)
I guess part of me just wants to get on with where I left off, but I can't really do that with a new therapist, can I? When I finally move to e. coast, I will have to catch the quieT up to speed. and a big part of that will be to talk about my big symptoms? or maybe that can wait? I don't know how this works.
Posted by Dory on June 14, 2007, at 17:41:32
In reply to Re: can we just pretend no trauma? » Honore, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 14, 2007, at 14:19:19
How do you feel about him being a him? The fact that he remembered stuff for a 2nd session is very good. Nice early sign. i'm sorry i don't have a lot of stamina. i just got home from a long day and the pain meds are not helping. i'd cry but i'd just end up with a headache.
it all sounds so exciting and new.
limping love
Posted by muffled on June 14, 2007, at 18:28:07
In reply to my new quieT, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:02:37
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 14, 2007, at 20:37:34
In reply to Re: can we just pretend no trauma? » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Dory on June 14, 2007, at 17:41:32
> How do you feel about him being a him? The fact that he remembered stuff for a 2nd session is very good. Nice early sign.
I told him straight out from the beginning that I had a problem with men. He said maybe it's a good opportunity to work on that stuff. My current T agreed with my choice.
>
> it all sounds so exciting and new.
>
> limping lovenew- yes. old too.
llurpsielove,
Ll
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