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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dory on June 13, 2007, at 10:03:44
Sorry sleepygirl. Thanks for being there anyway. It's honestly not about you, or anyone here, or babble. It's my life, past and present. i was gonna say something, but it's out of anger and feelings would be hurt (not you) because someone would find it hurtful somehow even though it's about me.
i am worried now about the letters i dropped off. i am worried about the conversation i had with my T. It seems like too big of a leap, for either of us. i think maybe i got over-excited. Now the letter seems too much too soon. i don't know. Then again, i thought about calling him last night because i was so upset. i didn't because i just don't know what the point is after-the-fact really. i mean, once i am calm, then what?
i did tell him in my letter that although i felt i had a definition of trust for myself now, i didn't feel we were there yet. In my definition i don't trust him a lot yet... in fact, it kind of describes the way in which i *don't* trust him. Odd.
i am having med rxns which are messing me up. Crap.
Posted by Dory on June 13, 2007, at 11:13:18
In reply to Ok, so freaked out a little, posted by Dory on June 13, 2007, at 10:03:44
i am having a realistic and reasonable anger situation. i am at unfair advantage due to medication issues and verbal/written skill problems. i am putting in a call to pdoc regarding that. i am having trouble typing, which i am normally very good at.. mistyping is becoming unbearable. It seems the response time of my right hand is slower or something, so words egt typed with leters in the wrong place. i left that senetence alone as an example. That was a real event, not a faked example.
Word recall is another issue.
i am exceedingly angry and justifiably so. i have had anger issues from other stuff but this is not about that. This is about why i became DOry in the afiryt place. UGH!!! see? wtf is "afiryt?" i meant first.
i am galvanized by the anger i had earlier. But i am having processing problems. i do not understand complete moronic behaviour. Anger makes me anxious and eventually i will suffer panic attacks. i need to process. i need to calm in a way which will not lead to destruction.
dammit.. i need to NOT have to fix all these f*cking typos. SG, writing is NOT something i should consider career-wise right now. BAd spellers of the world UNTIE!!!
somebody hug me before all gaskets blow... please?
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:24:56
In reply to also having a hard time processing, posted by Dory on June 13, 2007, at 11:13:18
> i am having a realistic and reasonable anger situation. i am at unfair advantage due to medication issues and verbal/written skill problems. i am putting in a call to pdoc regarding that. i am having trouble typing, which i am normally very good at.. mistyping is becoming unbearable. It seems the response time of my right hand is slower or something, so words egt typed with leters in the wrong place. i left that senetence alone as an example. That was a real event, not a faked example.
***I've been there, unfortunately. I can't remember events, even events that I've told my T. She has to remind me of names, and of dates. I just don't seem to be making a coherent autobiography these days. As far as coordination goes, there was a whole season in orchestra when my hands were so out of sync that I requested to be put at the back of the section. The worst thing is that these problems become a runaway train. A slight error is made, then we perceive the error, then we criticize ourselves, meanwhile we are making more errors. psychologically, think of our cognitive faculties like some kind of limited resource. The extra cognitive energy required to blame ourselves (and sometimes to correct our booboos) takes away from our ability to perform the task correctly. Especially in typing. I remember reading somewhere that the hands give sensory feedback about typing errors. The problem is that this automatic feedback occurs several letters AFTER the error. My little stupid suggestion to you is to get a slower rhythm going. tap tap tap tap, rather than taptaptaptap.
(don't worry, if you could do it well once upon a time, you will be able to do it again in the future.
>
> Word recall is another issue.yeah
>
> i am exceedingly angry and justifiably so. i have had anger issues from other stuff but this is not about that. This is about why i became DOry in the afiryt place. UGH!!! see? wtf is "afiryt?" i meant first.
>
> i am galvanized by the anger i had earlier. But i am having processing problems. i do not understand complete moronic behaviour. Anger makes me anxious and eventually i will suffer panic attacks. i need to process. i need to calm in a way which will not lead to destruction.
>
you're so hard on yourself. Please give yourself some credit for surviving so many weeks of immediate crises. You're doing so well, EVEN with all the complications that come from your circumstances. take a bit of time and sit down and talk to yourself about things that you are grateful for. I can think of a handful of things that I'd be grateful for, in your circumstances1) ability to feel emotions- this is how one LIVES. death is having no emotions
2) Your ability to love. (your dogs, remember?)
3) You have achieved what many many people will never be able to do- lose 40lbs. Truly amazing, and you're so much healthier for it
4) You have an engaging personality that has won you many close friends and compadres on babble. I bet, given a little time and space, you'll find that you're able to find some friends elsewhere in your life when you're ready to get out there.
5) Ll and Kk love you, and I'm sure that the rest of the double-letters will soon come out of the woodwork and profess their admiration, if not PASSiON for you.> dammit.. i need to NOT have to fix all these f*cking typos. SG, writing is NOT something i should consider career-wise right now. BAd spellers of the world UNTIE!!!
>
oooh I wannt goin! (that's what happens when I lose my rhtyitngm)> somebody hug me before all gaskets blow... please?
(((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 18:02:15
In reply to Re: also having a hard time processing, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:24:56
(((((((((((((dory)))))))))))
Llupsie said everything better than I could, but I agre with what she said.
I am glad I have met you.
Take care
HF
Posted by Dory on June 13, 2007, at 21:00:44
In reply to Re: also having a hard time processing, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:24:56
you are a doll. i found a calming mechanism for the anger i had/have...diverting it to exhaustion and irritation. Works wonders. i just got off work... a short shift even... and i am exhausted and in pain. STupid poepme... ^$^%#%%$ people.. stupid people is what i meant. Did i ever mention that i HATE people? not you people... but people.. people out there doing people things and being f*cking stupid. i smile and make them fele special and all that good sh*t so i can make a living. i was so proud of this sale from the other day, she was so excited and happy about what she bought.. she bought a facny outfit, right downto the bra and jewlery... told the manager how great i was and then today the f*cking hag returned it all.
people suck. why oh f*cking why do i have a job working with people. i'd tather be in some warehouse tagging boxes or something... even in a cube doing paperwork.. ANYTHING except working with oeople. oh f*cking typing!!!!
i have to get up and work early in the morning too...an all day shift. i was supposed to get off at 9 and didn't get out of there untul 1015 - again.
thank you dr llodle for reminding me of good things. good things are nice. i love my dogs more than anything in this world (baby girl has an infection) and btw it was 45lbs :o)
you are like belgian chocolate.
i hate my life.
i'm not makign sense i am so tired. i need more drugs.
i have an agency that wants to help me find a job that i can do.. but it's for disabled peopeke and they focus on mental health... not you know all delayed or anything... so i don't know.. feels like i am cheating or ripping off the system to use that. i don't know. i problay will not go. i was supposed to go today but didn't. i couldn;t work up the nerve. did i mention my ability to deal with people IRL is an act, i can perform it well but not always. i once didn;t leave my house for months unless i absolutely had no chouce. wouldn't answer the phone or anything.
pdoc thinks job is better than that. i don't. i just need the money for stability and pay for T. i am killing myself to pay for T. is it worth it? why am i doing bad sh*t to myself for everyone else/.
sorry Llurp. i love you to death. right now i suck. i am so tired. i bought more daisies.. and now i always think of you when i do. i boguht flowers for the girls at work too.
thank you for the hug... wish it was a real one
((((((((((((lloodle)))))))))))))))
Posted by Dory on June 13, 2007, at 23:04:43
In reply to Re: also having a hard time processing, posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 18:02:15
thanx Hf..i know you have your own bag of stuff to deal with. thanks for caring enough to respond
Posted by fiji on June 14, 2007, at 8:21:05
In reply to Ok, so freaked out a little, posted by Dory on June 13, 2007, at 10:03:44
Mybe it's a medication issue? If I'm off base just tell me. I just know that when I was on Effexor, I had real problems with short term memory and coordination. I didn't realize how bad it was until I got off it (and went on Cymbalta).
Just a thought.
fiji
Posted by muffled on June 14, 2007, at 18:29:13
In reply to Ok, so freaked out a little, posted by Dory on June 13, 2007, at 10:03:44
This is the end of the thread.
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