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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by LadyBug on June 13, 2007, at 11:55:41
Somedays are just plain hard, other's are hard but tolerable. Today is one of the harder days.
I took my 16 year old daughter to see her APRN for a medication check appointment. We decided to up her dose by 25 mg. She's on a starting dose anyway so going up is still low. This is the first time she's seen this lady, so we had to go over some of the stuff she's dealing with in her young life. A pending divorce for her mom and dad, yup that'd be me. Problems with her boyfriend etc. Pretty serious stuff to deal with for anyone, especially kids. I felt so bad listening to her. I had to hold back the tears as we talked to this lady. My body feeling up with anxiety, my heart being torn in a milllions pieces. The parts of her life that I've made worse. The memories of me that she has. I've been strugling for 10 years with anxiety and depression while trying to survive in a rollercoaster marriage. The marriage isn't surviving and someday's I don't think I am either. My daughter is in Therapy as well as on mediacation, that's been good for her. She's seeing a male T and in a way, he has been a father figure to her, she needs that in her life.
When we left, my daughter said, "I don't like her any more than than the other lady Dr. I just have issues with female's". THAT INCLUDES ME, I'm a female and I have to be a blame in her issues and why she needs to be put on medication for anxiety and depression. Her Dad, my spouse, is a piece of work too.
I had to come to work after the appointment. I'm so down and my stomach is ready to fall out!!! It hurts me to see either of my girls hurting. I feel like the worst person in the world as I see the struggles that I've caused them. I'm in tears at the moment. I want to love her enough to heal her broken self. I want to make things alright for all of us.On top of this, I got an e-mail from my sister this morning telling me that my aging parents are so sad and depressed and would I go see them this weekend for father's day. It would cheer them up etc. She's got the world by the tail. My life is falling to sh**. She has a good husband, lots and lots of money, she ownes 2 brand new home's in 2 different locations. She drives a new Mercedes, and a Yukon, paid for with cash, her husband makes good money and is semi retired in his 50's. She's NEVER in her life HAD to work! She travels like no one I know. She's been so many places so far this year. I never even get out of town. I don't mean to make this sound like I don't love her, I do! She's so kind, loving, and gernerous to me and my kids. She's done so much for me and I know she'd do anythng to help werever she can.
Then there's my poor excuse of a life. I can't even hardly survive financially, my husband is a drug addict, we've lost everything over the years, I could go on foever with all the sad things I've had to go with.
I hate my life most the time, I try to pretend I'm happy, sometimes it works just enough to keep me from crying all the time.I've been seeing my T 2 times a week for the past few weeks, I see her tomorrow, then 2 times next week and then I won't see her until July 26th. She's leaving the country, so getting in touch with her will be imposible. She know's of all that's going on in my life, she thinks I'm handling it ok. Sometimes I am, other times, I fall apart. Like today.
I understand we all have our bad days, but how can it turn into a bad life???????? Where did I go wrong.My parents live alittle less than 2 hours away. Otherwise, I'd see them more often. I work full time, my sister doesn't work. But she asked me to go see them, she won't be in town this weekend? Why is it my job to cheer them up when I'm the one out of five sibling's that's suffering my own pain and sorrow? I guess that's the way it goes in my life.
My life is in turmoil. I have nothing and it's looking like I will have even less when I move out of my home as I try to escape the painful marrigae I'm in. My job's just average. Better than some, but not enough to survive on my own and take care of my daughters.
I'm so down, I hate to even compain, because I know many of us are.I guess I needed to vent and I'm sorry it's so long.
Sad, LadyBug ;o(
Posted by B2chica on June 13, 2007, at 13:13:53
In reply to Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o(, posted by LadyBug on June 13, 2007, at 11:55:41
i'm sorry i don't know what to say except thank you for sharing...
and do just know that although a divorce may be hard on children, what you know and they dont is that staying in a bad marriage is WAY WORSE than the divorce.
-also, some times i wish loved ones could see what we write here...what you wrote has So much tenderness toward your children in it. it is Wonderful to hear....and from that alone i can tell you are a really good mom (despite all your suffering)
please keep in mind that seeing parents sick most times help make the child more compassionate about illness and disability, and sometimes inspire them into future careers.about your daughter in therapy and on meds...well those things are there for a reason. you were just smart and open minded enough to seek help for your daughter when she needed it. be VERY proud of yourself for that! many MANY children are denied help because their parents dont 'believe' in psychological help or medication.
i am sorry you are hurting so much. but i see so much perseverance within you...i just hope you can maybe see that too.
best wishes.
b2c.
Posted by DAisym on June 13, 2007, at 13:31:38
In reply to Re: Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o(, posted by B2chica on June 13, 2007, at 13:13:53
I wish I had more time to write, but I wanted you to know that your daughter is only capable of saying her truths in front of you because she feels how much you love her, and she trusts that love. She may be aware that she is hurting you, but maybe not. But the fact that she can let you know how she feels is huge. You are the trusted parent.
And that feels so crummy. I've been separated a year. I get all the bad stuff and he gets their undivided attention and they have fun together. But when I really stop and think about it (yes, I have tears and melt downs around it too) I wouldn't trade being an authentic part of their lives for the 15 hours a month of fun.
All the other stuff s*cks, it feels like a pile on, doesn't it? But it won't always be this way. Slowly, slowly, change will happen.
Posted by LadyBug on June 13, 2007, at 14:06:27
In reply to Re: Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o(, posted by B2chica on June 13, 2007, at 13:13:53
Thanks for the kind words B2chica and for telling me I'm a good mom. I try to be. I've spent hours and hours trying to see that my girls have what they need to deal with the family issues.
I was thinking about my daughter struggling with female's. It's because the first lady Dr. that she saw lectured her on drugs/drinking etc. The lady APRN today lectured her about having sex at her young age and how it will affect her in the future when her and her boyfriend breakup as most teenagers do. And I tell her all the time the things she needs to hear about her choices etc. She's learned to get what she wants by being angry and me giving in to her because I can only take so much of her being angry with me. The APRN today had a great explaination for this kind of behavior. I need to just let her get angry with me and not give in to her no matter what. I'd be happier as a mom and she'll have to learn to deal with the answer "NO"!!!
Sorry for rambling. I go see my T tomorrow, she has no idea of today's drama, but she's going to find out. I need things to feel balanced for me before she leaves for a month. I'm scared in many ways.
Thanks so much for your help.
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on June 13, 2007, at 14:52:30
In reply to Re: Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o(, posted by DAisym on June 13, 2007, at 13:31:38
Thanks DAisym. I know you've gone through some of what I'm going through so you have experience with it. It is hard but I will trust that it can get better. I hate to see my kids hurting. It hurts me more than anything they are hurting. I feel so guilty for it like it's all my fault. Something I need to overcome in my own therapy.
You are farther along this journey than I am. You have a wonderful T, but I think mine's right up there with him. She's been so good to me. We all need a safe place to land and through our T's we can do that.
Hugs
LadyBug
Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:36:02
In reply to Re: Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o( » B2chica, posted by LadyBug on June 13, 2007, at 14:06:27
> Thanks for the kind words B2chica and for telling me I'm a good mom. I try to be. I've spent hours and hours trying to see that my girls have what they need to deal with the family issues.
wow- that's really awesome. I had to literally drag my mom to see my T, and set up her own therapy, which I guess might be helping a bit. Giving your children the tools and the resources is SO important. That means that you're giving them choices and freedom too.
> I was thinking about my daughter struggling with female's. It's because the first lady Dr. that she saw lectured her on drugs/drinking etc. The lady APRN today lectured her about having sex at her young age and how it will affect her in the future when her and her boyfriend breakup as most teenagers do. And I tell her all the time the things she needs to hear about her choices etc. She's learned to get what she wants by being angry and me giving in to her because I can only take so much of her being angry with me. The APRN today had a great explaination for this kind of behavior. I need to just let her get angry with me and not give in to her no matter what. I'd be happier as a mom and she'll have to learn to deal with the answer "NO"!!!
I agree with (sorry crappy memory) above poster, about how your daughter feels comfortable enough t share that with you. And how she is aware of it herself. that's MAJOR. I was even thinking that maybe she has problems with women in general, but NOT with her mom in particular. She may be thinking about difficult teachers, difficult relatives, difficult doctors. All of these different and challenging relationships to figure out in only a few short adolescent years.
> Sorry for rambling. I go see my T tomorrow, she has no idea of today's drama, but she's going to find out. I need things to feel balanced for me before she leaves for a month. I'm scared in many ways.
I'm so sorry that it's so hard right now LadyBug- but I think you're doing so well as a mother. I wish my mom had made the choices that you're making, regardless of how terrifying they must feel as you're flying by the seat of your pants
take good care,
-Ll
Posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 17:56:26
In reply to Re: Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o(, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:36:02
How did you T session go?
I feel all the pain you are going through, it has to be so hard especially when it is your kids hurting. But I see you doing so many thing right concerning your kids, and that is huge concidering how much you are going through yourself.
When my DH got divorse the 1st time, his 9yr old oldest daughter seemed fine and they thought she was okay because she wasn't acting out like her younger sister and brother. Well it was hidden, and it does come out sooner or later. Well her's did in her late 20's and I had to bear witness to that scene. Her realation with her mom and dad are still struggling because he didn't deal with the divorse when it happened. My DH see's now that mistake.So getting her in to see a T and getting meds to help her deal with it, is doing a darn good job as a parent. Most parents going through it are either so caught up with their own problems that the kids don't get the support or they pretend that it isn't a real big deal and their kids will cope. But you are taking the pro-active approach, which is awesome.
I think when I am going through the same thing, I will make sure my kids are in seeing a T. I think money is important, but having a mom like you is mor important to them, then the jeans they want to buy. Maybe they don't act like it, but afterall they are teenagers, but they will appreciate the time and concern you give them more than anything.
Posted by LadyBug on June 13, 2007, at 21:15:29
In reply to Re: Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o(, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on June 13, 2007, at 16:36:02
Lurpsie,
Thanks for your reply. I took my daughter to a movie tonight. It was good and we laughed a lot. Now she has the car, even though I told her I didn't want her to take it because she lied to me last week and went somewhere she told me she wouldn't go.
I called my T today and told her a little of the drama in a voice mail. She responded to me. I'm so glad I have the connection I do with her.
Tonight I am down..........really down. I have so many things I need to get done, but I'm going to go crawl in bed, I'm exhausted.
I appreciate everyone for caring and taking the time to respond to me. I hate to be a whiner.
LadyBug
Posted by LadyBug on June 13, 2007, at 21:21:11
In reply to ((((Ladybug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))), posted by Happyflower on June 13, 2007, at 17:56:26
Thanks for the hug happyflower. I wish you and I could get together and commiserate. I'm sure we'd get everything figured out.
I'm glad my daughter is willing to go see a T. and that she knew that she needed some medication as well. It's so hard, teenage years are hard anyway, but add the stress of the family issues going on and she doesn't have a chance.
I see my T tomorrow. I wish I could just hide in her office for a few weeks. I feel safe there and she takes the time to hear my pain.
I'm sorry I haven't replied to your posts the past few days, I want you to know that I'm thinking about you and want good things for you.
I'm grateful for babble right now. I hope you stick around. You have come so far. I have no idea of the trauma you have experienced, but I do know of my own and it hurts. It's hard to work on it.
Take care and my best to you always.
LadyBug
PS maybe I could come and hide on your flower for awhile.
Posted by muffled on June 14, 2007, at 18:27:39
In reply to Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o(, posted by LadyBug on June 13, 2007, at 11:55:41
Hope you feel a little better today LB.
You definately needed to vent.
I am glad you were able to do so here.
Goto run, just wanted you to know i feel for you and care, you nice.
Muffled
Posted by LadyBug on June 14, 2007, at 20:26:23
In reply to Re: Anxiety Plus Today....long vent ;o( » LadyBug, posted by muffled on June 14, 2007, at 18:27:39
Thanks Muffy, doing better today. New problems, different day, I'm so tried from all the stress. I want it all to go away and bug someone else for a change.
I have many hard decisions to make in the next few weeks and my T will be gone for over a month!!! Out of the country!!!
Me sad but ok
LadyBug
Posted by muffled on June 27, 2007, at 10:03:18
In reply to Re: » muffled, posted by LadyBug on June 14, 2007, at 20:26:23
sending you good thots
you can do this
and babble can help you :-)
Muffled
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