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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on May 24, 2007, at 18:56:36
I need help with it, I think. Both things feel awfully bad and I just wonder how others might take them if they heard them from their T.
In session today, we were talking about my teacher friend and an email she sent last week and how she's completely unavailable. My T said something about how sometimes when people are depressed, their friends do what they can and then get to a point where they move away. I heard that it's my fault and I pushed teacher friend away.....because she did a lot and I didn't respond in the right way.
Then, after my session (the second of the week), my stupid soon-to-be-ex dropped what felt like a bombshell in my lap. And I called T to talk about it. She asked if I wanted to try and come in tomorrow. I said I felt bad about coming in so much. She said we wouldn't want to do it all the time because she doesn't want me to feel like I can't take care of things myself, but that sometimes it's OK. I told her I thought I'd pass because I'm afraid of when she'll tell me it's not OK. That just felt really awful for me to hear. I can do things myself....I always have. Is it just best to keep it that way? I guess I've always felt like I err on the side of not letting people help. Perhaps she sees things differently. Whatever the case, I don't think I'll be calling or asking for extra sessions anymore. And maybe it's just time to stop all together.
Posted by DAisym on May 24, 2007, at 20:41:38
In reply to Stuff my T said, posted by jammerlich on May 24, 2007, at 18:56:36
>>>>In session today, we were talking about my teacher friend and an email she sent last week and how she's completely unavailable. My T said something about how sometimes when people are depressed, their friends do what they can and then get to a point where they move away. I heard that it's my fault and I pushed teacher friend away.....because she did a lot and I didn't respond in the right way.
<<<<<<From where I sit now, I can see your therapist's response as trying to be helpful and spare your feelings. She was likely trying to say, "it isn't you, people just don't know what to say or do." BUT - if I was sitting across from my therapist, I would have felt exactly like you did. I'm sure she didn't mean in anyway to imply that you did anything wrong. You can't help it, you ARE depressed. The average person doesn't really understand true depression. They want you to "snap out of it" or "make" yourself better. It isn't that easy. But it is your friend's problem, not yours if you "didn't respond the right way." What - btw - is the "right" way?
>>>>>.Then, after my session (the second of the week), my stupid soon-to-be-ex dropped what felt like a bombshell in my lap. And I called T to talk about it. She asked if I wanted to try and come in tomorrow. I said I felt bad about coming in so much. She said we wouldn't want to do it all the time because she doesn't want me to feel like I can't take care of things myself, but that sometimes it's OK. I told her I thought I'd pass because I'm afraid of when she'll tell me it's not OK. That just felt really awful for me to hear. I can do things myself....I always have. Is it just best to keep it that way? I guess I've always felt like I err on the side of not letting people help. Perhaps she sees things differently. Whatever the case, I don't think I'll be calling or asking for extra sessions anymore. And maybe it's just time to stop all together.
<<<<<<<<<OK, this would have made me react the exact same way. Loud message - "you can need me some times and some what, but not all the time and not too much." Ouch. (disclaimer: this is a particularly sensitive area for me) But I think you should talk to her about your feelings before you quit. She may have been trying to say that she believes you have internal resources and she would never want to convey that she thinks you don't. It just came out wrong.
Things for me are really, really hard right now. My dad is coming to visit soon and I'm freaked out. But I've been avoiding talking about it in therapy. My therapist lectured me this week, "you've stuck your head in the sand" and other kinds of statements to jolt me into facing it. Today we talked about how intensely involved he is in planning for this visit -- he said, "I don't usually push like this." And then went on to say that right now, he thinks I need him more, he can see how terrified I am and that is totally OK for me to both be scared and to need him. He knows I worry about this - needing him too much. And he knows I can take care of myself most of the time - this isn't what this is about. I, like you, have a very hard time asking for help. So he is showing me that he is very willing to help -- A lot.
I hope your therapist can show you why it is OK right now --because it is -- to need some extra help. It won't make you overly dependent and it won't take away your ability to take care of yourself. It will help you get through this very hard part. At least I hope so.
I wish this was more coherent and I could help more.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by frida on May 24, 2007, at 22:22:50
In reply to Stuff my T said, posted by jammerlich on May 24, 2007, at 18:56:36
Hi jammerlich,
I think I would feel hurt too, but I would try to talk it over with my T...because maybe she didn't mean things that way and she just worded them in the wrong way. It has happened with my T that I've felt really really hurt by something she said but when we've talked it over it felt better and helped to share feelings...I understand about your teacher friend. I have a teacher who is my special friend too and there have been months in which she has been less available to me, but I wanted to share some hope that in time, our friendship remained and even though there are times in which she hasn't been more with me and I've needed her and it caused me to shut down a lot, we are still very special friends...sometimes she's very very busy and maybe going through things herself...maybe that's what's happening with your teacher friend too. But it doesn't mean that you'll lose the friendship.
I think it would be good if you could share with your T how you truly felt with what she said and talk it over with her...
it is ok to need her...it truly is. Maybe she meant things differently...I hope you can talk to her.
sending you support,
Frida
Posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 23:21:03
In reply to Stuff my T said, posted by jammerlich on May 24, 2007, at 18:56:36
> In session today, we were talking about my teacher friend and an email she sent last week and how she's completely unavailable. My T said something about how sometimes when people are depressed, their friends do what they can and then get to a point where they move away. I heard that it's my fault and I pushed teacher friend away.....because she did a lot and I didn't respond in the right way.
*Sh*t Jammer, I woulda taken that way wrong too. But I taken stuff my T has said wrong before, and stewed bout it for ages.....then finally talked bout it, and it turns out it was a misunderstanding...
MAYBE, what T meant was that depression is really hard on you, and on those around you who care, cuz they hate to see you hurting and dunno what to do, so they pull away in self defense, cuz they can't handle it. Depression is an absolute horror, partly due to the fact that those who not been there just can't understand it, nor would I want them to really. BUT, depression is treatable thankfully. I been badly depressed, but now I just plain old f*cked up!And hell, I'll take FUp over major depression...So I think mebbe T is trying to be straight w/you and thats REAL good, cuz i think its real important that T's be straight w/us.
>
> Then, after my session (the second of the week), my stupid soon-to-be-ex dropped what felt like a bombshell in my lap. And I called T to talk about it. She asked if I wanted to try and come in tomorrow. I said I felt bad about coming in so much. She said we wouldn't want to do it all the time because she doesn't want me to feel like I can't take care of things myself, but that sometimes it's OK. I told her I thought I'd pass because I'm afraid of when she'll tell me it's not OK. That just felt really awful for me to hear. I can do things myself....I always have. Is it just best to keep it that way? I guess I've always felt like I err on the side of not letting people help. Perhaps she sees things differently. Whatever the case, I don't think I'll be calling or asking for extra sessions anymore. And maybe it's just time to stop all together.**Awww son of a gun, smackin them boundary walls is NASTY, been there done that, nuttin but sucks no doubt. But it passes...I survived.
So I think ESPECIALLY if she was asking if you wanted more sessions, then mebbe its a good idea, if you can swing it financially. Cuz i do the 1x/wk thing and definately I think there were times I would have moved ahead if I could have gone more often, but stuff gets lost during a week btwn sessions, and it just seems to end up continuously being crisis control....
So ya, if you working thru something I think extra sessions would be great!
Don't run from your T OK Jammer, and I won't run from mine either.
Take care you,
Muffly
Posted by jammerlich on May 25, 2007, at 16:22:32
In reply to Re: Stuff my T said » jammerlich, posted by muffled on May 24, 2007, at 23:21:03
I keep coming here, wanting to reply to each of you, but I just can't. I feel worn out. Just know that I'm here, reading, and appreciating your words very much.
Daisy, I smiled when I saw your name because one of the things I thought, after getting off the phone with her, was "Daisy's T would NEVER say such a thing."
This is the end of the thread.
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