Posted by DAisym on May 24, 2007, at 20:41:38
In reply to Stuff my T said, posted by jammerlich on May 24, 2007, at 18:56:36
>>>>In session today, we were talking about my teacher friend and an email she sent last week and how she's completely unavailable. My T said something about how sometimes when people are depressed, their friends do what they can and then get to a point where they move away. I heard that it's my fault and I pushed teacher friend away.....because she did a lot and I didn't respond in the right way.
<<<<<<From where I sit now, I can see your therapist's response as trying to be helpful and spare your feelings. She was likely trying to say, "it isn't you, people just don't know what to say or do." BUT - if I was sitting across from my therapist, I would have felt exactly like you did. I'm sure she didn't mean in anyway to imply that you did anything wrong. You can't help it, you ARE depressed. The average person doesn't really understand true depression. They want you to "snap out of it" or "make" yourself better. It isn't that easy. But it is your friend's problem, not yours if you "didn't respond the right way." What - btw - is the "right" way?
>>>>>.Then, after my session (the second of the week), my stupid soon-to-be-ex dropped what felt like a bombshell in my lap. And I called T to talk about it. She asked if I wanted to try and come in tomorrow. I said I felt bad about coming in so much. She said we wouldn't want to do it all the time because she doesn't want me to feel like I can't take care of things myself, but that sometimes it's OK. I told her I thought I'd pass because I'm afraid of when she'll tell me it's not OK. That just felt really awful for me to hear. I can do things myself....I always have. Is it just best to keep it that way? I guess I've always felt like I err on the side of not letting people help. Perhaps she sees things differently. Whatever the case, I don't think I'll be calling or asking for extra sessions anymore. And maybe it's just time to stop all together.
<<<<<<<<<OK, this would have made me react the exact same way. Loud message - "you can need me some times and some what, but not all the time and not too much." Ouch. (disclaimer: this is a particularly sensitive area for me) But I think you should talk to her about your feelings before you quit. She may have been trying to say that she believes you have internal resources and she would never want to convey that she thinks you don't. It just came out wrong.
Things for me are really, really hard right now. My dad is coming to visit soon and I'm freaked out. But I've been avoiding talking about it in therapy. My therapist lectured me this week, "you've stuck your head in the sand" and other kinds of statements to jolt me into facing it. Today we talked about how intensely involved he is in planning for this visit -- he said, "I don't usually push like this." And then went on to say that right now, he thinks I need him more, he can see how terrified I am and that is totally OK for me to both be scared and to need him. He knows I worry about this - needing him too much. And he knows I can take care of myself most of the time - this isn't what this is about. I, like you, have a very hard time asking for help. So he is showing me that he is very willing to help -- A lot.
I hope your therapist can show you why it is OK right now --because it is -- to need some extra help. It won't make you overly dependent and it won't take away your ability to take care of yourself. It will help you get through this very hard part. At least I hope so.
I wish this was more coherent and I could help more.
Hugs,
Daisy
poster:DAisym
thread:759327
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/759352.html