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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 31, 2007, at 21:14:54
To me it helps calm things down.
To me it brings me back.
To me I know I am alive.
To me it externalizes internal pain.
To me it serves me right.
To me it makes me know I am tough.
To me it means ALOT.
To me when its a bad one, and they stitch me up, I am being nurtured. They are caring for me. I feel cared for. They are caring for this body.
Sometimes it feels like I am letting the bad drip out of me.
Sometimes its just a movie and I not even there.
But I take care.
Its better than fighting w/others, hurting others, getting hurt.
There is minimal risk w/SI.
Though sometimes I punch trees, walls, rocks. Then there is some risk. I keep a tight fist, straight wrist, haven't to my knowledge broken anything.
But its better than death, or rape, or murder.
Better than addiction to drugs.
Better than psychosis from drugs.
So really, its not so bad is it?
Posted by Racer on March 31, 2007, at 22:21:34
In reply to Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*trigger, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 31, 2007, at 21:14:54
Well, you see, I look at it this way: how would you feel if you knew I'd done it? You'd probably be sad, right?
I'm sad that you do it, if you do. I hate to think of you hurting, for any reason.
Take care of yourself, and treat yourself no differently than you would the Queen. Or no differently than you would treat me, or Daisy, or Poet, or HF, or anyone else here. Be good to yourself.
And I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. If I could fix it, I would.
Posted by Happyflower on March 31, 2007, at 22:32:51
In reply to Re: Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*tri » Iwillsurvive, posted by Racer on March 31, 2007, at 22:21:34
Ya, it makes me sad too when I think of you hurting yourself. But I kinda understand, but I wish there was another way to cope that would be safer for you though. Racer has a lot of good advice I think.
Posted by gazo on April 1, 2007, at 0:07:38
In reply to Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*trigger, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 31, 2007, at 21:14:54
((((IWS)))))
you know i understand, at least some because i have been there. it served a purpose for me at the time, it was better than some of the other things i could have been doing, but worse than the things i learned to do instead. it was a relief from the mental pain at the time. Making the pain physical was easier.
i learned other ways which are healthier than any of those destructive things. There is always risk with SI. Infection, bleeding just to name two.
is it something you would teach your kids to do to cope? i doubt it.
SI is a trade-off.. it is better than death or bad drugs, but not as healthy as learning to handle mental pain. Your T will help you find new ways.
i never got into heavy SI. no one ever really knew.. one friend knew a bit. i didn't do it for too long.. at two different periods in my life when i couldn't bottle up the pain anymore. Now i think about it but i don't give in.
i also don't think that everyone who SI's is bpd. i think i could have ended up on that road once but life changed somewhere.
i am sorry you have pain that intense. i am sorry you need to find a way to escape it. Don't condemn yourself for it if it helps you right now. But don't be afraid to let go of it either when the time comes.
Posted by Dinah on April 1, 2007, at 10:26:00
In reply to Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*trigger, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 31, 2007, at 21:14:54
I argue that viewpoint all the time. That of all my disfunctional coping skills, this one is probably the least harmful. Spending brings me more long term grief.
But I suppose the idea is to find coping skills that don't harm at all, yet work as well. I wish I could find them. I fall asleep, yet that has consequences as well.
The thing that brought me up cold was when my son did something that would be quite normal for a four year old, but that he should have outgrown by the time he did it. It made me so sad that he felt that bad. I drew him into a hug and told him that I love him so much that I don't want anyone to ever hurt him - not even himself. And I told him I was so sorry he felt so bad. And I asked him if there weren't things he and I could figure out to do instead.
I realized that I'd never want him to know I self injured, and it gave me an insight into how people who care about me must feel.
I can't say I never do it, but it made me understand a bit better.
Posted by gazo on April 1, 2007, at 12:22:38
In reply to Re: Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*tri » Iwillsurvive, posted by Dinah on April 1, 2007, at 10:26:00
That's what i thought about too. When i realized that i didn't want anyone to know, i had to think about why.
i am sorry your son went through that. i think you handled it very well. he's lucky to have a mom who reacted so well.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on April 1, 2007, at 17:57:42
In reply to Re: Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*tri » Iwillsurvive, posted by Racer on March 31, 2007, at 22:21:34
> Well, you see, I look at it this way: how would you feel if you knew I'd done it? You'd probably be sad, right?
**mebbe sad, but OK w/it if it was what you needed to do to stay safe
>
> I'm sad that you do it, if you do. I hate to think of you hurting, for any reason.**((Racer))
>
> Take care of yourself, and treat yourself no differently than you would the Queen. Or no differently than you would treat me, or Daisy, or Poet, or HF, or anyone else here. Be good to yourself.**Thank you, I am trying, the queen eh?!?! LOL!
>
> And I'm so sorry you're struggling right now. If I could fix it, I would.**Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on April 1, 2007, at 17:58:32
In reply to Re: Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*tri, posted by Happyflower on March 31, 2007, at 22:32:51
Posted by Iwillsurvive on April 1, 2007, at 18:07:59
In reply to Re: Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*tri » Iwillsurvive, posted by gazo on April 1, 2007, at 0:07:38
> ((((IWS)))))
**thanks.
> you know i understand, at least some because i have been there. it served a purpose for me at the time, it was better than some of the other things i could have been doing, but worse than the things i learned to do instead. it was a relief from the mental pain at the time. Making the pain physical was easier.**Yup
>
> i learned other ways which are healthier than any of those destructive things. There is always risk with SI. Infection, bleeding just to name two.**I have other ways too. Just sometimes it don't seem to work. I pretty expert SI. I be OK.
>
> is it something you would teach your kids to do to cope? i doubt it.**Nope, but i would prefer them to SI than dangerosity....
>
> SI is a trade-off.. it is better than death or bad drugs, but not as healthy as learning to handle mental pain. Your T will help you find new ways.**Yup T back in a week and a bit.
>
> i never got into heavy SI. no one ever really knew.. one friend knew a bit. i didn't do it for too long.. at two different periods in my life when i couldn't bottle up the pain anymore. Now i think about it but i don't give in.**Good! I am glad you have found other ways.
>
> i also don't think that everyone who SI's is bpd. i think i could have ended up on that road once but life changed somewhere.**Good again. Labels suck. If you show up at emerg w/SI, the borderline label is automatically applied.
>
> i am sorry you have pain that intense. i am sorry you need to find a way to escape it. Don't condemn yourself for it if it helps you right now. But don't be afraid to let go of it either when the time comes.**Yup, you a smart one, thats pretty much what my T said. She hates me to do it, but she understands why once I explained. She say she not gonna judge me about it. Its a coping mechanism that usu works when I have nothing else to try, and it has no doubt saved my life more than once.
Thanks for support and reply :)
Posted by Iwillsurvive on April 1, 2007, at 18:16:15
In reply to Re: Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*tri » Iwillsurvive, posted by Dinah on April 1, 2007, at 10:26:00
> I argue that viewpoint all the time. That of all my disfunctional coping skills, this one is probably the least harmful. Spending brings me more long term grief.
**Yup, took me awhile to make my T understand, but she gets it now.
>
> But I suppose the idea is to find coping skills that don't harm at all, yet work as well. I wish I could find them. I fall asleep, yet that has consequences as well.**Yeah, other stuff works lotsa the time, but sometimes it spins outta control and I dunno what else to do.....
>
> The thing that brought me up cold was when my son did something that would be quite normal for a four year old, but that he should have outgrown by the time he did it. It made me so sad that he felt that bad. I drew him into a hug and told him that I love him so much that I don't want anyone to ever hurt him - not even himself. And I told him I was so sorry he felt so bad. And I asked him if there weren't things he and I could figure out to do instead.**You such a good mommy Dinah. It sure hurts to see our kids hurt :(
>
> I realized that I'd never want him to know I self injured, and it gave me an insight into how people who care about me must feel.**Yeah, I went thru that same scenario w/my T. Its one of the most deep discussions we ever had. We both got kids so we were discussing it both ways. We have differing opinions, but we agreed that each of our perspectives were personal and had merit.
I HATE to ever think I ever hurt others. HATE it. I find it weird to consider others actually truly care for me. Its a strange concept.....
>
> I can't say I never do it, but it made me understand a bit better.**Yeah. Sorry you do it too. What do you think you achieve from it yourself? What are your motivations for doing it? Does it work?
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2007, at 11:12:43
In reply to Re: Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*tri » Dinah, posted by Iwillsurvive on April 1, 2007, at 18:16:15
> I HATE to ever think I ever hurt others. HATE it. I find it weird to consider others actually truly care for me. Its a strange concept.....
I hope that's something you can learn and internalize, because other people certainly do truly care for you. And I know you don't want to hurt others. I know for me it's acceptable to hurt myself in ways I would never dream of hurting others.
> **Yeah. Sorry you do it too. What do you think you achieve from it yourself? What are your motivations for doing it? Does it work?
Usually I do it when I'm suffering an extreme of emotion. When I'm so angry I fear I'll bust. Or when I'm way overstimulated and it feels like my whole body is one big electrical field and that SI interrupts the circuit, or something like that.
It does work. :(
You know, when I read what I wrote about four year olds, I started thinking. Very young children do self injure, and so do the developmentally delayed. I don't know about animal behavior in general, but dogs when stressed will lick or gnaw themselves until they hurt themselves and keep doing it.
Maybe it's some sort of very primitive defense mechanism that isn't weird or unnatural, but that we put aside as we learn better ways of coping. Then when stress overwhelms our ability to cope, we take out that primitive tool.
While I certainly don't think it's the worst thing I've ever done to myself (especially since I'm very careful and circumspect), it's not the best either. So I try not to do it at all if I can, and if I can't refrain, I am very very very careful.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on April 5, 2007, at 22:15:08
In reply to Re: Am I only 1 who think S.injury not so bad?*tri » Iwillsurvive, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2007, at 11:12:43
This is the end of the thread.
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